TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... SPECIAL COLOSSAL, UNPRECEDENTED, UNPREDICTABLE CONCLUSION TO A CHRISTMAS STORY!!!...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team teleported to the future, to the distant year 3000... The superiors from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.) assigned our do-gooders the crucial mission of saving Drag Racing from being wiped out of existence in the year 3000... Evidently, in the year 3000, a group of global zealots, and cockeyed politicians are headstrong on abolishing the sport of drag racing. Our crew are assigned to pose as esteemed consultants from a prestigious Cambridge based think-tank, and they've materialized in the final minutes of a crucial conference in Washington D.C., where a vote is soon to be taken by the world's top superpowers, deciding the eternal fate of drag racing...

Leader Larry Lamb, Sebastian aka The Phantom Racer, Fred The Wrench, Maria, and Peter The Parrot are all dressed in formal executive threads. They're now in an elegant auditorium on the 200th floor of an opulent Washington D.C., high-security, government sanctioned skyscraper. The space they're occupying is known as "The Grand Penthouse Conference Atrium", a gaudy decorated, spacious area, with fountains spouting top-shelf tequila, and priceless paintings hanging on the walls. There's exotic hostesses saddled on miniature ponies serving caviar. Maria's aghast when glancing out a window, "Look at that!!! For as far as the eye can see, way down there on the ground and towards the horizon, there's nothing but shanty towns and poverty, while all these corrupt international leaders surround themselves with bloated, over-the-top opulence!!!"

Larry Lamb addresses the large room of international, globetrotting bigwigs from the podium, "Testing 1-2-3." Larry says into the mic, "I'm Larry Winston Harold Lamb the third, senior executive from a prestigious Cambridge think tank."... "So, what's on your mind, Mr. Lamb??" interjects a snide conference officiator, "We're looking to wrap this matter up soon by voting drag racing out of existence, and then transforming the direction of this conference into a no-holds-barred jello-shot contest Christmas party."... "Well," says Larry into the microphone, "I implore you all to NOT abolish the sport of drag racing from civilization."... The event officiator then interrupts Larry, "Look, we all respect the fact that you're a polite, articulate gent, er, or lamb, or whatever, we really do, Mr. Lamb, HOWEVER, we're unanimous in our desire to vote drag racing be abolished forever and ever."... "Is there ANYTHING that I can say or do to change your minds???" replies Larry Lamb with a hint of desperation in his voice... The event officiator rubs his quadruple chin and blurts back, "Listen, pal-- My name's Druscula Fusscula-- I run the show 'round  here. Maybe we should have a, ahem, private meeting in my chambers, and discuss your, ahem, strong desire to sway our impending negative decision concerning the matter of drag racing's future."... "Very well, Mr. Fusscula" Larry Lamb respectfully, though slightly apprehensively replies.

Druscula Fusscula leads Larry Lamb through a pair of fancy-schmancy doors, sunken out of sight of the conference room... Larry Lamb's dazzled, as well as disturbed, by the excessive silver and gold plating throughout Druscula Fusscula's private executive chambers. There's holograms hanging on the walls, featuring images of  Fusscula posing with countless world leaders, dignitaries, and celebrities... "Let's not waste time." Fusscula says "What do you want me to do about this drag racing dilemma, Mr. Lamb???"... "Well," replies Larry, "To be blunt, I need to leave this conference today knowing that drag racing will not be eliminated from society for all eternity, and I am willing to do practically anything necessary, to influence you, and your cronies out there, to vote to protect drag racing from permanent extinction."... "Okay, bub." replies Fusscula, "I'm game. Whattaya got, Mr. Lamb???"... "What do I got???" questions Larry Lamb, as he sees Fusscula with his hand out, whistling a sour tune, "Am I to assume you are looking for a BRIBE?!?"... "Look, Mr. Lamb." Fusscula responds, "It's going to take a lot of money, uh, make that a real lot of money, to make happen what you're asking for."... Larry contemplates what he's just heard emanating from the corrupted mouth, of a world dignitary, looking for fat cash, to change a major vote he's going to be officiating over at this morally and ethically destructive international conference...

Larry tries to compose himself, and then asks "May I use your private washroom for a minute to freshen up?"... Fusscula replies "Sure! Then we'll talk, uh, business, right, pal??"... "Of course." Larry replies, as he then trots into the washroom, and then closes the door behind him... Larry stands alone in the supersized private washroom. The room's filled with mirrors, lights and a 3-D hologram projecting a live streaming swimsuit parade of Peruvian supermodels. Larry puts himself into an immediate deep trance, sending a telepathic message of EXTREME URGENCY to his superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association... The message is simple and to the point:  "SEND ME SIX TRILLION EIGHTEEN ZILLION DOLLARS IN CIRCA YEAR 3000 INTERNATIONALLY ACCEPTED CURRENCY!!!! BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, THEN DRAG RACING WILL BE VOTED ABOLISHED FOREVER ON PLANET EARTH!!!!"... In the blink of an eye, a glass-cased enclosure, the size of a dump truck, materializes, filled with mammoth mountains of  cold cash money sent from the HDRA.... Larry opens the washroom door, motioning with a hoof for Druscula Fusscula to come step inside. Druscula enters the washroom and does a double take when his peepers see the amount of money before him, "WHAT THE %$#!!!! LOOK AT ALL THIS DOUGH!!!!" he shouts "I THINK YOU GET THE RECORD FOR PRODUCING THE BIGGEST FREAKIN' MONEY BRIBE TO EVER COME MY WAY!!!!"... "Yes, it is." Larry replies, in a now stern and disciplinary tone "Now you go instruct your corrupt cronies out there to vote in favor of saving drag racing, AND you must give me your word that you'll use half of this bribe money to improve living conditions for all the working class and poor people who are now occupying countless, downtrodden shantytowns across your many world internationally held territories."...

"Okay, I accept this bribe, and agree to spend half of it on the working class and poverty stricken population. There's more than enough money here to spread around and fix some of our society's unsettling ills." says Fusscula... Then Larry gets right up in Fusscula's face and shouts at him  "YOU WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS, OR DO WHATEVER YOU MUST, SO THAT COME FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING, CHRISTMAS MORNING,  ALL THOSE OPPRESSED PEOPLE,  WHO ARE FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CRUSHED BY YOUR CORRUPTED REGIME, WILL FEEL A RENEWED SENSE OF SPIRIT, HOPE AND DIGNITY--  STARTING TOMORROW, ON CHRISTMAS MORNING-- YOU GOT THAT, FUSSCULA?!?!?"... "I-I-I get it, it's a holiday thing." Fusscula says, with even a slight hint of shame in his vocal tone, "Look, Mr. Lamb, I-I-I just gotta ask, WHERE DID ALL THIS MONEY COME FROM?!? WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!? WHO DO YOU REALLY WORK FOR?!?  I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MUCH MONEY MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!"... Larry Lamb pauses, looks Fusscula straight in the eyes, while squeezing a small smile out of his woolly face and replies "Let's just say it's pennies from heaven."... Then Sebastian, Fred The Wrench, Maria and Peter The Parrot come into the room. Fred says, "We was looking all over for ya, boss!! What's going on?? WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS MONEY?!?"... "HOLY COW!!!" exclaims Maria "THERE'S ENOUGH MONEY TO CHANGE THE WORLD!!!"... "IT WOULD TAKE ME TEN YEARS JUST TO COUNT IT!!!!" blurts Sebastian... "HMMM, I SUSPECT THAT THIS MONEY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH SAVING DRAG RACING AND GIVING A LOT OF PEOPLE A MERRY CHRISTMAS?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Um, you're right about that, Peter." replies Larry Lamb, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, MEEERRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!"....

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE DRAG RACERS AND FANS IN THE FUTURE YEAR 3000!!!-- THE SPORT OF DRAG RACING HAS BEEN SAVED FROM EXTINCTION, THANKS TO THE BRIBE MONEY SUPPLIED BY THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION!!!... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE IMPOVERISHED WORKING CLASS AND POOR OF THE YEAR 3000!!!-- THE BRIBE MONEY THAT'S COME FROM THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION IS SO PLENTIFUL, THAT EVEN THE CORRUPT GLOBAL SUPERPOWERS ARE WILLING TO SPREAD SOME OF IT AROUND TO HELP THE LARGE NUMBERS OF THE OPPRESSED POPULATION!!!... YES, WE KNOW THAT HAVING OUR DO-GOODERS PAY A BRIBE TO SOLVE A PROBLEM IS AN "UNPRECEDENTED EVENT" IN THE HISTORY OF THIS MORALLY & ETHICALLY CORRECT PARANORMAL DRAG RACING SERIAL SAGA... BUT, IN THIS CASE, THERE WAS NO OTHER FEASIBLE PEACEFUL OPTION TO PROVIDE THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS STORY WITH A HAPPY, UPLIFTING ENDING!!!...  SOMETIMES A "PAY-OFF" IS THE ONLY OPTION IN A SEVERELY DIRE PREDICAMENT LIKE THIS WAS!!!... If need be, please do your best to explain this ethically controversial and sensitive lesson to the children in the room... WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.