TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED??... NOW FRED CAN GET BACK TO WRENCHING AT THE DRAG STRIP??...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back home at their heavenly living compound & racing operations base, all except for Fred The Wrench. Fred's on special assignment, posing undercover as a traveling celestial carpet salesman, teleported to the executive offices of the Darkside Drag Racing Association (D.D.R.A.). The brass at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.), selected Fred, to covertly infiltrate the offices of their drag racing afterlife adversaries, in order to find out whether or not the cover-up that was recently initiated to erase all memory of Larry Lamb paying a hefty bribe has stuck solid among the enemy. You see, Larry Lamb paid a hefty bribe to the crooked Druscula Fusscula, the officiator of the corrupt international world legislators, who would have completely banned drag racing in the year 3000, had not Larry come up with a mammoth-sized bribe to save the sport. Of course the bribe weighed emotionally heavy on our group, because they never paid a bribe before. Paying the bribe caused controversy among our crew, due to what can admittedly be perceived as a morally and ethically questionable strategy...

The Heavenly Drag Racing Association believes that the fact that leader Larry Lamb paid a bribe, leaked out through a pirate-news-broadcast, distributed to members of the drag racing afterlife's darkside, including the Darkside Drag Racing Association. H.D.R.A. administrators believe this development could possibly open the floodgates for threats of future bribery and extortion against our do-gooder crew and the H.D.R.A.... Larry and Sebastian used their metaphysical programming console, to create a 'replacement scenario' to erase the bribe incident from all forms of the enemy's intelligence and recorded history. They morphed time and space, to create the deceptive illusion that the bribe was instead paid by an 'obscure alien being', that immediately self-destructed and expired after the extortion sum was turned over, therefore clearing Larry Lamb of the ethically questionable deed.

Larry Lamb, Sebastian, Maria, and Peter The Parrot are at the home base, anxiously monitoring Fred The Wrench's undercover activities, by viewing the screens of their covert telepathic relay system. Fred materialized inside the headquarters of the Darkside Drag Racing Association. Fred's shocked by the hedonistic environment of the enemy's offices... "Good Lord!!" Fred whispers to himself, "The womens here are barely dressed decent-- and there's pulsating music and lights!! How do they get any work done at this place?!? How can they concentrate?!?!"... Fred approaches a receptionist, "Can I help you?" says a lavishly made-up, gaudy looking lady ghoul, "I've never seen you here before, bud. You look like a salesman."... "Uh, yeah." reacts Fred, "Uh, I'm a traveling celestial carpet salesman."... "Well, you'll have to speak with Mr. Fearsome, the purchasing agent for our organization." says the receptionist, as she smacks her gum, "Have a seat, I'll tell him you're here. What's your name, bub?"... "Uh, Fred." replies our nervous mechanic playing the role of carpet salesman...

The receptionist calls Mr. Fearsome, informing him about Fred and his carpet selling intentions, and then says to Fred, "Mr. Fearsome will be right out."... A door flies opens from a corner office, a large imposing figure of a ghastly ghoul steps out and walks towards Fred... Fred can't help but gulp in apprehension as he sees the menacing purchasing agent standing in front of him... "I don't recall requesting any carpet salesmen lately!!!" sternly blurts Mr. Fearsome as he eerily looks down at a seated Fred... Fred scrambles to think of a come back, "Uh, well, I was selling to a client in a nearby parallel universe, and I thought I'd do the courtesy of stopping in here, and seeing if you wanted to get in on a special clearance sale we're having on a manufacturer's overrun."... Mr. Fearsome replies, "Well, alright, I have some free time, come in my office"... Fred follows Mr. Fearsome into his lavish office and takes a seat... Mr. Fearsome sits at his desk and asks "So, what sort of carpet are you peddling, Fred?"... Fred opens his book of carpet samples and replies, "Uh, I've got a sinister devil-red colored shag carpet that would suit you and your organization just dandy, Mr. Fearsome."...

Fearsome reaches for Fred's sample book with his long-clawed appendages. "Oh, I do like the devil-red color, and shag carpet IS a must for us hedonist honchos here at the D.D.R.A.."... Fearsome glances at the carpet sample. Fred wastes no time, and immediately makes small talk, to find out if Fearsome has any knowledge of the recent bribe incident, "How 'bout dat bribe dat recently went down with those international legislators, who were gonna outlaw drag racing?"... Mr. Fearsome's wicked eyes look up from the carpet sample and connect with Fred, "Yeah, I heard about that, evidently it was some sort of obscure afterlife alien life-force that paid the big bribe, then it self-destructed or something like that."... As Larry, Sebastian, Maria, and Peter The Parrot watch this from the screens of their covert telepathic relay system, they all give each other happy high-fives, because they realize that their cover-up scheme was indeed a brilliant success...

Fred then says to Mr. Fearsome, "So, how many square yards of the carpet should I put you down for??"... "Ya, know, come to think of it," replies Mr. Fearsome, "all the carpets here at our darkside headquarters could use replacing, and I really do love the shade of devil-red on this particular one that you're selling-- And I sure do like your casual though bluntly persistent style, Fred!"... "You do???" comes back a now somewhat befuddled Fred... "Yeah!" replies Mr. Fearsome, "And I tell you what, after we close this carpet deal, whaddaya say we discuss YOUR future with THIS organization??-- We have some openings, and I think YOU could be a great asset to our team, Fred!"... A blank stare comes over Fred The Wrench's face... "Oh no!" says Larry Lamb, while watching this all transpire over the covert telepathic relay system screens, "I do NOT like the direction this is going!!"... "Figures that the creep would like Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "Everyone likes Fred!"... "If this foul Mr. Fearsome does any kind of prospective employee check on Fred, that could easily blow Fred's cover and put him in a dire situation!" says Sebastian with a tinge of distraught anxiety... "This sure turned from a good mission to a possibly dangerously bad one in a matter of minutes!!" interjects a weary and worried Maria... "Fred's got to get out of there!!!" adds Larry Lamb...

Fred realizes that he's boxed in a pickle of a predicament, and says, "Uh, could I use your private washroom, Mr. Fearsome?"... "Sure." replies Fearsome, "And when you come back, I'll have you fill out a brief background questionnaire, it's just a small precaution we take around here, just to make sure we don't accidentally hire any goody-two-shoe types, who might be spies from the heavenly side of the drag racing afterlife."... "Uh, yeah, I-I know what you mean, Mr. Fearsome." awkwardly replies Fred as he gets out of his chair and hobbles to the adjoining private washroom door, trying ever so desperately not to show his underlying nervousness...  Fred opens the door, steps in, and then rapidly closes the door behind him...

"This is the break we need!" exclaims leader Larry Lamb, while watching all that's transpiring on the screens of the covert telepathic relay system, "I'm going to initiate an immediate teleportation of Fred out of that washroom, and right back here to headquarters!"... Larry tweaks a few dials and controls at the teleportation station... Fred The Wrench then vanishes from the washroom in a swift swirl of bright magenta light, accompanied by the sound of a compressed sonic boom!... "WHAT THE?!?!" shouts Mr. Fearsome from his desk, as he sees a light flash from under the washroom's door, and hears a loud metaphysical disturbance take place "HEY, FRED!!! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?!?"... Mr. Fearsome jumps up, dashes to the washroom door and uses his colossal physique to break it down... "FRED'S GONE!!!!" shouts Fearsome as he drools with frothing humilation, "HE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT MAN SENT FROM THOSE DO-GOODERS AT THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION!!!!"...

Fred safely materializes back at the home base, at the teleportation station... "I'M BACK!!!!" Fred yells "I AM SO GLAD YOU TELEPORTED ME OUT OF THERE BEFORE I HAD TO SUBMIT TO A QUESTIONNAIRE!!!!"... "You did it, Fred!" says Sebastian, "You found out that our cover up of the bribe incident was a complete success!"... "We were getting worried about you, Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "Towards the end of your phony carpet sales call, you were walking on delicate dastardly ground with that creepy Mr. Fearsome!"... "You sure played an awfully convincing role as a carpet salesman!" chuckles Maria... "Congratulations, Fred!" says Larry Lamb, "I promise that on our next mission, you'll only be playing your most favorite role of all, that of a top notch drag racing mechanic!!"... Fred The Wrench proceeds to wipe some nervous sweat off his brow, sighs, and says "THAT'S THE BEST THING I'VE HEARD YOU SAY IN WEEKS, BOSS!!! I'VE SURE HAD ENOUGH OF PLAYING SECRET AGENT MAN!!!-- I CAN'T WAIT TO START TURNING WRENCHES AT THE DRAG STRIP AGAIN!!!!!"... Everyone gets in on a warm group hug and celebrates their recent celestial success against the dark forces of evil...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Fred The Wrench successfully completed the covert operation of finding out whether or not the 'cover up' of the bribe incident stuck with the dark side of the drag racing afterlife. However, there's no denying that it was getting pretty scary when Mr. Fearsome actually took a liking to Fred, and expressed his desire to give Fred a job with the Darkside Drag Racing Association. Fortunately Larry Lamb activated the teleportation console and got Fred the heck out of there with his heavenly spirit and soul intact!! Upon Fred's triumphant return to the heavenly home base, Larry makes a point of telling Fred that for their next assignment, he promises that the only role Fred will have to play, is Fred's favorite role of all, that of a top notch drag racing mechanic!!! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.