TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... MARIA WINS THE SAND DRAGSTER DUEL-- BUT IS THIS DARKSIDE "BEACH PARTY" NOW GOING TOO FREAKY FAR?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary type of do-gooder mission, that finally facilitates Maria's longtime, repeated requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the overdue opportunity to actually drive a bona-fide race car. Sebastian's watching from the sidelines for this mission, not occupying the driver's seat for this latest excursion, due to this new assignment requiring the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program'-- It's a program featuring all female drivers-- ONLY female drivers-- Nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who race and play in a downright dirty fiendish fashion. It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy and beatnik "beach party" scene of extreme depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's most brutally tough of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. It's a truly rough, roguish, sandy and sinister drag racing scene!!...

 Our group have teleported themselves and their sand dragster to the rowdy beach party, located at a sleazy sand drag strip in a completely darkside dominated parallel universe... A  gruesome gurgling voice blares out of the strip's cryptic PA system "ALL CHICKS TO THE STAGING LANES NOW!! ELIMINATIONS ARE ABOUT TO COMMENCE!!! OUR FIRST PAIR WILL BE NEWCOMER MARIA  VS. BEATNIK CHICK-SAND DRAG CHAMPION 'DASTARDLY DARLA'!!! AND REMEMBER THAT ALL CHICKS MUST RACE BLINDFOLDED AS PER THE NEW AMENDMENT ADDITION TO THE DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S OFFICIAL RULE BOOK!!"... A pink bikini wearing Maria slips into the cockpit of her sand dragster and puts on her blindfold. Keep in mind that her blindfold has been metaphysically engineered by our team's sophisticated wardrobe department, to allow Maria to see clearly through it, despite the fact that it appears to be a solid pink fabric. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot push the car with Maria in it up to the staging lanes. 'Dastardly Darla' is already there, seated in her slick n' sinister sand digger...

"Hey, Maria!" Darla shouts "I sure hope you know how to drive blindfolded" as she puts her black blindfold over her equally blackened eerie eyes... "Oh, don't you worry about me," Maria replies with a sassy tone "I could beat you with a bucket over my head, girl!"... Larry Lamb and our gang are genuinely impressed by Maria's ability to play the role of a tough low-life lady... Darla's sleazy beatnik mechanic and sidekick, Slitzy, then blurts out "Whaddaya say we make a wager on this race to make things more interesting??"... "What kind of wager?" inquires Maria... "The loser has to eat a 6 foot beach sand submarine sandwich!" replies Slitzy... "EEEEEWW!!" says Maria, as she sort of steps out of the 'tough girl' persona she's so successfully portrayed so far... Then in an attempt to quickly gain back some sleazy, depraved, street-fighter kind of credibility, Maria switches her personality projecting gears and says "Awww, what the heck, that sounds like a good wager to me. I hope Darla likes digesting all that grimy beach sand slapped on a sub sandwich after I beat her silly!!!!"... Maria makes a final adjustment to her trick blindfold and braces herself for the sand digger duel...  "Okay, fire 'em up!" says a ghastly looking member of the starting line staff... Both Maria and Darla activate their respective rides, and the sound of cackle echoes throughout the overcast beach. Shabby looking grandstands constructed from worn and brittle beachwood are filled to capacity with drooling creepy beatnik ghouls...

The girls do their sandy burnouts. Darla's burnout is a little squirrelly, since it seems that she can't see through her blindfold like Maria can see through hers. Maria's burnout blows the creepy crowd away with its sand-kicking aggressiveness. Then the gals get pushed into the staging beams... The tension is so thick you can cut it with the proverbial knife. Since the ladies are blindfolded, they can't use the standard christmas tree, instead, the strip's PA system cranks up the volume, and a gurgling announcer's voice shouts a countdown to launch the ladies to race "10 - 9 - 8 -7 - 6 - 5 -4 -3 -2 -1!!!!"... Both ladies lean into it and leave the line with a heavy foot!!... The sand diggers are in extremely close parity as they blitz off the starting line. Even though Darla supposedly can't see through her blindfold, it appears that her sand dragging experience is helping her stay on par with Maria as they reach the 1/8th mile mark. Darla then gets a lead of a few feet as they race into the final stretch of the sandy strip. Maria tries desperately to tweak out one last accelerating stab of horsepower on the pedal-- and manages to even out the duel-- AND THEN-- Maria successfully activates the win light by mere inches!!!!!... The dragsters pop parachutes and proceed to eventually slow down to a stop. Both Maria and Darla then rip off their blindfolds and emerge out of their dragster's cockpits...

'Dastardly Darla' aggressively storms toward Maria and shouts "I HAD A SAND FLEA CRAWL UP MY NOSE AT THE 1000 FOOT MARK-- I-I-I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE!!!!"... Darla's standing mean and firm in her black flamed bold bikini... A more subdued Maria in her pink bikini rapidly replies in a tough girl tone  "Whatever, whatever, you're the one who is going to be eating a 6 foot beach sand submarine sandwich, Darla!!"... Team leader Larry Lamb, Fred The Wrench, Sebastian, and Peter The Parrot are all in awe of Maria's ability to convincingly fit-in and play her roughneck role in this depraved racing arena. The fans in the grandstands are bloodthirsty to see loser Darla eat the mammoth-sized sand-filled sub sandwich, as a ghastly track official hands one to 'Dastardly Darla' to devour as per the girls' unusual racing wager!! This is the most hedonistic race wager we've ever witnessed in the drag racing afterlife!! Darla opens her mouth wide and bites into the long sandwich made with nothing but a heaping quantity of grimy beach sand-- she then spins her green-tinted head in manic rotations and devours the entire 6 foot sandwich in a matter of seconds!! This seems to excite the creepy capacity crowd into a frenzy!! Then beatnik music starts playing loudly over the PA system and a party atmosphere of depraved debauchery ensues!!... "Uh, I'm gettin' a little uncomfortable with this situation and where this, ahem,  party seems to be going." Maria says under her breath to her fellow teammates... SURE, IT'S GREAT AND WONDERFUL THAT MARIA JUST WON THE SAND DRAGSTER DUEL -- BUT IS THIS DARKSIDE "BEACH PARTY" NOW GOING WAY TOO FREAKY FAR FOR OUR DO-GOODERS TO ENDURE?!?!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  It seems as if we all have reason to be getting a bit "uncomfortable" with the dastardly direction this so-called "beach party" is going!!! The loud beatnik tunes blaring out of the sand strip's PA system is having a strong sickly seductive affect on the already ghoulish crowd!!! Their bad behavior is advancing even further into a darker shade of debauchery and unsettling depravity!!! Can Maria and our do-gooder crew maintain their ability to convincingly fit-in as "low lifes"?!?!?-- OR will they soon reach their limit in being able to "play along" with all these depraved darkside creeps at this belligerent beach party gone completely bonkers?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.