TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... IS FRED READY TO WORK UNDERCOVER AT THE DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S EXECUTIVE OFFICE??...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back home at their living compound and heavenly racing operations headquarters, after returning from a crucial assignment that teleported them to the distant year 3000. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.) previously assigned our do-gooders to prevent drag racing from being completely wiped out of existence in the year 3000. Corrupt politicians were headstrong on abolishing the sport of drag racing at a 'heavyweights only' international legislative conference . Larry Lamb was unsuccessful in persuading the politicians to save drag racing with his brief speech at the podium. This forced Larry to metaphysically produce a mammoth-sized money bribe, paid to the corrupt Druscula Fusscula, the officiator of the Washington D.C. based conference. Of course this weighed emotionally heavy for our group, because they never paid a bribe before. Paying the bribe caused controversy among our crew, due to what can admittedly be perceived as a morally and ethically questionable strategy...

Larry Lamb receives a telepathic message from the H.D.R.A.'s top brass, and then announces to his trusty, supernatural subordinates, "The superiors at the H.D.R.A are now insisting that we create a cover-up scenario, in order to eliminate the notion that we paid the bribe to alleviate the threat of drag racing's massive extinction."... "Why is it so important that we cover up the fact we paid a bribe?" Sebastian asked... Larry replies "The HDRA believes that the fact that we paid a bribe, has leaked out through a time-traveling news-cycle cyber-eliptical virus pirate-broadcast, distributed among the drag racing afterlife's darkside-- This could open the floodgates for threats of future aggressive extortion against us. Everyone from the darkside will be looking for a big fat bribe. It's imperative that the darkside be tricked into believing that the bribe incident had nothing to do with us or the H.D.R.A.."... “Let me get this straight," Fred The Wrench blurts, "Are we now supposed to postpone our getting back on the drag strip, the job we're REALLY SUPPOSED to be doing, so that's we can make up a phony baloney story, to cover the truth of what really happened?!?"... "Yes, Fred," replies team leader Larry Lamb... "HECK WITH THIS!!!" protests Fred, "I WANTS TO GET BACK TO THE DRAG STRIP!!! I WANTS TO BE TURNIN' WRENCHES, NOT HAVING TO BE SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT MAN COVERT OPERATIVE, 'CAUSE THAT AIN'TS MY LINE OF WORK!!!!"...

Larry and Sebastian stroll over to the main metaphysical programming console, and create a replacement scenario to erase the bribe incident from all forms of the enemy's intelligence and recorded history. They morphed time and space to create the illusion that the bribe was paid by an obscure alien being, that immediately expired after the extortion sum was paid. The crew experiences a brief sigh of relief-- But just as the crew get a brief taste of tranquility, Larry Lamb receives another urgent telepathic order from the H.D.R.A.... Larry's woolly face takes a solemn stare, and he addresses the crew, "I've just been assigned to direct this team through a mission of parallel universe enigma espionage.".... "WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!" shouts Fred The Wrench. "THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE WE'RE GONNA BE BACK ON THE RACE TRACK ANYTIME SOON!!!"... "I'm afraid not." Larry replies, "And I must tell you, Fred, this new mission requires that YOU pose undercover, as a traveling celestial carpet salesman, and you'll be wearing a radio telepathic transmitting wire, and an organically concealed telepathic earpiece for this espionage operation.".... "WHY ME?!?" shouts an unsettled Fred... "Because the brass at the H.D.R.A believe you're the most convincing looking among us, to play the role as a traveling celestial carpet salesman." replies Larry Lamb... Fred The Wrench stomps his worn and greasy work boots in further irate protest "MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION WAS TO BUILD A PERIOD CORRECT 1964 ALUMINUM HEMI PLYMOUTH STOCKER, NOT TO BE SPENDIN' MY TIME PLAYIN' THE ROLE OF A TRAVELING CELESTIAL CARPET SALESMAN!!! I'M A WRENCH!!!! I'M A MECHANIC!!!! THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS!!! THESE KIND OF ASSIGNMENTS TAKE A TOLL ON ME!!!! I AINT'S COMFORTABLE DOIN' THIS KINDA WORK!!!"

"Why does Fred have to play the role of a carpet salesman?" asks Maria... "Because that's how Fred's going to infiltrate the executive offices of the Darkside Drag Racing Association (D.D.R.A.)." replies Larry... "It's all making sense." interjects Sebastian "I'll bet the H.D.R.A. wants Fred to get into the D.D.R.A.'s offices, and find out for sure if our bribe cover-up story stuck solid with those dastardly darkside dirtbags." ... "Exactly" concurs Larry.... "Hey, that's kind of funny!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'll go to the wardrobe department and find a cheap suit for Fred to squeeze into. Maybe I'll see if they have a dopey looking top hat too!!"... "THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' FUNNY ABOUT THIS!!!" Fred blurts... "I agree with Fred, in that there really is nothing funny about this assignment." says Larry with authority, "As a matter of fact, this is actually an extremely serious espionage undertaking."... "I'll tell you what," says a level-headed sounding Maria, "I'll help find Fred a nice conservative though casual salesman's suit and ensemble."... "Aw shucks," squawks Peter "I wanted to make Fred look like he's a stand-in for a Death Of A Salesman off-off Broadway play!"... "Cool it." demands Larry to Peter, "Stop trying to instigate Fred into a tizzy with your wisecrack remarks."...

"So I'm supposed to act like I'm selling carpet to the sleazy kingpins over at the Darkside Drag Racin' Association's executive offices??" says a now slightly more subdued Fred, "Do I need to bring them carpet salesman sample things??"... "Yes." replies Larry, "You'll also need to develop casual and unassuming conversations with the gearhead ghouls at the D.D.R.A., and discreetly probe them for information confirming whether or not  the bribe incident is now void of any involvement of our Heavenly Drag Racing Association related operations."... "Alright, alright." acquiesces Fred, "Suit me up. Give me some carpet samples. Throw in some cheap cigars and a some chewing gum. I'm game."... "You really are a hero, Fred." says Larry, "I'm sure that after this mission is successfully completed, the H.D.R.A. will award you with plaques of appreciation."... "I don't need any more plaques of appreciation, or trophies, or fancy schmancy letters of accommodation." mumbles Fred, "How's 'bout them H.D.R.A. bosses rewarding me with our next assignment actually being at the DRAG STRIP?!?"... "I'll tell you what, Fred, my dear fellow" replies Larry Lamb, "That's my promise to you. I will make sure that the next time you go out on assignment, you're a wrench in overalls, at the drags, doing the thing I know you love to do more than anything else in all the infinite dimensions of space!"

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, it appears that at least for now, Fred The Wrench is accepting the fact that he's going out to do work that's not really of an on-track, or 'at-the-drags' nature. Fred has to play the role of a traveling celestial carpet salesman, who is to infiltrate and gain valuable intelligence from the executive offices of the Darkside Drag Racing Association. One can only wonder what the offices of the D.D.R.A. will be like?? And will Fred be a convincing carpet salesman?? Will he be capable of talking with the enemy, trying to discreetly gain information, without bringing any suspicion on himself???  Will he be able to find out if the metaphysical cover-up of the bribe incident stuck?!? WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING?!?!? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.