TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... FRED THE WRENCH GETS AGITATED BY 'FREAKY FROSTBITE'S' INANE DRAG RACING RHETORIC?? NOW WHAT?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were now engaged in their very first mission of the New Year. The superiors of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association gave our crew an incredibly challenging assignment. Our do-gooders teleported to a comet that's being directed through space by racing fiends from the Darkside Drag Racing Association. It's a corrupted comet being nefariously navigated to eventually collide with planet earth and cause cataclysmic destruction. Our gang are first scheduled to compete in a front-engined Top Fuel matchrace being held at the cold and eerie drag strip facility located smack in the middle of the volatile comet, and then, they're to somehow initiate a plan to overcome the dastardly darkside drag racers, and THEN, somehow redirect the comet's projection so that it DOESN'T hit and destroy the earth. It's a time-traveling, circa 1960 drag racing scene, in a twisted time-warped extraterrestrial environment of maniacal mayhem. Maria has a theory that they can possibly get the comet to change its fatal course by using an ancient Mesopotamian chant to implement a form of metaphysical telekinesis generated planetary projection diversion...

Our gang are outright aghast by what they can see surrounding them in the dank drag strip pits... "Look at all these ghastly snow creatures." says Maria while rolling her eyes with a hint of slight fright... "Yes," replies leader Larry Lamb "evidently comets are fundamentally icy combinations of rock, dust and space debris, hence the wicked snow creatures occupying this piece of rancid, space traveling real estate."... "These snow creatures sure don't look anything similar to the friendly 'Frosty The Snowman' variety." squawks a perplexed Peter The Parrot..."They look like sinister snowmen and snowwomen from your worst nightmare." adds Sebastian... "There's a chill in the air" blurts Fred The Wrench as he tends to our team's blown, trick lightweight, 108-inch wheelbase digger "it's not going to be that easy tuning our dragster for this event."... A cryptic looking snow creature carrying a clipboard approaches our team and vocalizes in a gurgling fashion,  "Hi, I'm Rosco, the event director. You interstellar beings sure don't look familiar. Never seen ya around here before. We're kicking off first round soon. So ya better get ready to r-r-r-rumble!! Hee Hee Hee!!"...  Rosco then walks away to converse with other race teams. Our crew look at each other with collective caution. It's apparent that this is going to be an unforgiving and unconventional exercise in attempting to divert the efforts of the drag racing afterlife's most evil of freezy forces...

Fred and Peter work feverishly to get a tune-up together that will prove productive for the less than optimum temperatures and racing conditions... A  loud gurgling vocalization comes blaring over ice-covered PA speakers "WE NEED ALL TOP FUEL TEAMS TO THE STAGING LANES IMMEDIATELY!!! WE'RE READY TO COMMENCE THE INAUGURAL AND FINAL (hee hee) CATACLYSMIC COMET DRAGSTER NATIONALS!!! GET A MOVE ON!!! 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT A CURFEW-- WE HAVE TO GET THIS RACE FINISHED BEFORE THIS COMET PLOWS INTO PLANET EARTH AND BLOWS UP EARTH AND ALL OF US TO BITS!!!"... "Gulp," squawks Peter The Parrot as a nervous lump in his throat becomes visible, "I've heard of drag races with curfews before, but never for the reason we're dealing with here!!!"... Sebastian goes behind the drag strip's concession stand, out of plain sight, and proceeds to rotate at rapid RPMs in order to transform into Phantom Racer mode. He then steps back into view, dressed in full drag racing fire suit, respirator mask and racing regalia. Sebastian crawls into the cockpit. Fred The Wrench, Larry Lamb and Maria grab hold of the digger's roll bar and push the car into the staging lanes...

Peter The Parrot flies and hovers over the dragster en route to the lanes, giving the car the proverbial 'once over', making sure everything's secure and ready for competition. When our team arrive in the staging lanes, Rosco, the snow creature race director points to a racing team right next to our gang, and says, "I'm pairing you up against 'Freaky Frostbite' and his 'Below-Zero Boys'."... "Okay," comes back Larry Lamb, "You're the event director, Rosco. Your pairings are just fine with us."... "It appears that Freaky Frostbite and his team truly live up to the 'Freaky Frostbite' moniker!" exclaims a pensive Maria... "WE'RE GOING TO BEAT YOUSE SENSELESS!!!" screams the Freaky Frostbite snow creature from inside his ice white colored dragster with a blown blue engine stuffed between the frame rails "I'M GONNA PUT A DEEEP FREEEEZE ON YOU LOSERS!!!!! ME AND MY TEAM HAVE BEEN EATING POTENT PINEAPPLE SNOW CONES ALL NIGHT AND DAY LEADING UP TO THIS RACE!!!!! AND WE'VE ALSO BEEN CONSUMING GRAPE APE FREEZE POPS BY THE THOUSANDS TO PUMP US UP!!!! WE'RE GONNA SHOW YA FREAKY DEAKY DOOM LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!"... Fred The Wrench grows agitated by Freaky Frostbite's riled-up rhetoric and can no longer contain himself. Fred yells back, "WHAT THE HECK DOES EATING SNOW CONES AND FREEZE POPS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR PERFORMANCE?!? I NEVER HEARD SUCH STUPIDITY FROM A RACER BEFORE!!!! ALL YOUR BLABBERING AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT COCKEYED NONSENSE!!!!!"... Silence then blankets the staging lanes. It seems as if Fred's severe tongue lashing of Freaky Frostbite may now result in volatile consequences!!! Freaky Frostbite's complexion quickly turns from snowy white to a deep shade of burning, fiery red and purple!!! Frosty Frostbite emits a dark shadowy, sinister supernatural aura of venomous vengeance as he stares Fred and our team down!!!  Something's gonna break and it's not going to be pretty!!!!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, the very first mission of the New Year sure has a chilly and creepy feel to it!!! How will our do-gooders handle the sinister snow creatures from the drag racing afterlife's darkside, who are occupying this hurling comet en route to an intentional doomsday date with planet earth?!? Fred The Wrench spoke his piece to the blabbering 'Freaky Frostbite' racer, and now it appears that all heck is about to break loose!!!!! CAN OUR DO-GOODER GANG MAKE IT THROUGH THIS DASTARDLY FRONT-ENGINED DRAGSTER BATTLE?!?! AND THEN GAIN CONTROL OF THE COMET'S NAVIGATION AND DIVERT IT FROM PLANET EARTH'S DOOM?!?! WE'RE DEFINITELY ALL WAITING WITH BATED BREATH TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2018 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.