TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... FIRST THERE WAS A BRIBE... NOW THERE'S A NEED FOR A COVER UP?!?... WHERE'S THIS ALL GOING?!?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were relaxing back home at their living compound and heavenly racing operations base... They recently returned from a crucial assignment that teleporting them to the future, to the distant year 3000. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.) assigned our do-gooders the mission of saving the sport of Drag Racing from being wiped out of existence in the year 3000... A group of global zealots and corrupt politicians were headstrong on abolishing the sport of drag racing. Our crew posed as consultants from a prestigious think-tank, materializing in the final minutes of a Washington D.C. conference, where the world's superpowers, were deciding the eternal fate of our straightline motorsport... Leader Larry Lamb was unsuccessful in persuading the global bigwigs to spare drag racing from extinction during his brief time allotted to address them from the conference's podium.

This resulted in a "private meeting" with Druscula Fusscula, the conference's officiator, who demanded a bribe in order to save our sport from world extinction. Of course the idea of paying a bribe went against every fabric of Larry Lamb's upstanding moral and ethical character... HOWEVER, considering the dire consequences the sport would suffer if the matter wasn't corrected, Larry immediately telepathically contacted his executive superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, making it clear that he needed six trillion, eighteen zillion dollars in circa year 3000 international currency to present a bribe to Druscula Fusscula... In the blink of an eye, a mammoth mountain of money then materialized. Fusscula did a double take when seeing the ample amount of money sitting before him, "LOOK AT ALL THIS DOUGH!!!!" he shouted "YOU GET THE RECORD FOR PRODUCING THE BIGGEST MONEY BRIBE TO EVER COME MY WAY!!!"... "Yes, it is." Larry Lamb replied, in a stern tone, "Now you go instruct your corrupt cronies out there to vote in favor of saving drag racing, AND you must give me your word that you'll use half of this money to improve living conditions for all the working class and poor people, who I have learned are now occupying countless shantytowns all across your massive internationally held territories!!"... Fusscula, even with his extreme, grotesque greed, realizes that there's more than enough money from the bribe to quench his lust for luxury, as well as enough to distribute among the world's impoverished and oppressed working class and poor, and he enthusiastically agrees to the terms... Yes, our Christmas edition of this paranormal drag racing metaphysical saga did indeed have a happy ending, despite the questionable ethics exercised by Larry Lamb when paying the colossal sized bribe...

Now our crew are back home at their heavenly racing and living compound. It's New Year's Day, and they've all made their annual new year's resolutions. Then after a warm group hug, Larry Lamb gets a telepathic message over his hybrid-micro-vision presentation anatomy-installed screen, and announces, "Listen to this, it seems that our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, are now insisting that we create a cover-up scenario, in order to cast serious doubt on the notion that we paid a bribe to alleviate the threat of drag racing's possible extinction!!!"... "You're kidding, boss?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "No, Peter." replies Larry Lamb, "The HDRA brass are absolutely serious about this!!!"... "Why is it so important that we cover up the fact that a bribe was paid??" Sebastian asks... "You see, dear boy," says Larry, "The HDRA believes that the fact we paid a bribe, has somehow leaked out through a time-traveling news cycle virus, that's widely distributed among the drag racing afterlife's darkside, and this could open the floodgates for threats of extortion against us in the coming weeks and months ahead. Everyone from the darkside will be looking for a big, fat bribe!!! Therefore, it is imperative that the darkside be tricked into believing that the bribe incident DID NOT happen, and that it was simply what's commonly called 'fake news'!!!"... "Fake news???" interjects Maria, "What the darn, gosh dandelion is that?!?... "Evidently, Maria." replies Larry Lamb, "During the beginning of the millennial 2000, world political operatives created what is now known as 'fake news', basically, they were able to lie to large numbers of the mortal population, essentially fooling them into believing things that simply did not really happen."...

"Let me get this straight," Fred The Wrench blurts, "Are we now supposed to postpone our getting back on the drag strip, the job we're REALLY supposed to be doing, so that's we can make up some kind of phony baloney story, to discredit the truth of what really DID happen, of paying that blasted bribe?!?"... "I'm afraid so, my dear Fred," replies Larry Lamb, "What we must do right now, does mean that we will indeed be delayed in embarking on any actual drag racing assignments."... "HECK WITH THIS CRUMB-BUM-BILLY-BOB COVER UP!!! ENOUGH OF ALL THE AFTERLIFE POLITICAL HEAVENLY DEFENSE DIRECTED COVERT OPERATIONS WE GET SENT ON ALL THE TIME LATELY!!!" protests Fred, "I WANTS TO GET BACK TO THE STRIP!!! I WANTS TO BE TURNIN' WRENCHES, NOT HAVING TO BE SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT MAN OPERATIVE!!! THAT AIN'TS MY LINE OF WORK!!!"...  "Hmmm" comes back Larry Lamb, "You haven't gotten this downright loud and boisterous in protest about anything since you left us for a couple weeks in the summer, for your morale-boosting, anger-management therapy, Fred!!"...  "THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS!! I CAN'TS HOLD BACK MY AGITATION FROM THE DIRECTION OUR WORK IS TAKING US!!!" shouts back Fred, "I GOTS TO GET BACK TO THE DRAGS, OR I'M GONNA HAVE AN EVENTUAL RELAPSE BACK TO BEING OLD ORNERY FRED!!!! AND I SWEAR ON MY BEST SET OF TOOLS THAT I DO NOT WANT THAT TO EVER HAPPEN!!! WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THIS BRIBERY BUFFOONERY, AND NOW HAVING TO CREATE SOME KIND OF COCKEYED COVER-UP NONSENSE?!? YA SEE, I JUST WANTS TO GO DRAG RACING, THAT'S ALL I WANTS TO DO WITH MY TIME IN THE AFTERLIFE!!!" THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION ARE MAKING US DO WHAT'S I DON'T WANT TO DO!!! I JUST WANNA DRAG!!! IF I DON'T GET BACK TO THE DRAGS I'M GONNA BLOW MY TOP-- I'M FEELIN' LIKES I'M GONNA RELAPSE BACK TO OLD ORNERY FRED!!!!"

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, we certainly don't want to see Fred The Wrench have a relapse, that would put him at risk of digressing back to his old, overly ornery personality and character traits. But you must admit, Fred does make a point, his job assignment is far more designated as being a metaphysically masterful mechanic, than constantly always having to drop his tools, and then play a part in some heavenly covert afterlife operation?? Do you think it's important to bury the bribe incident with a contrived cover-up?? Is that the only way to avoid an onslaught of possible extortion threats coming from drag racing's darkside of the afterlife??? Could there be a backlash from the bribe incident, that sets off a firestorm of fierce attempts to extort from the HDRA, with risks that are even more ethically controversial than the original Christmas bribe episode?!?  WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING?!?!? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.