TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... FIRST ROUND ABOUT TO COMMENCE... THEN THE BIG BUST IS GOING DOWN?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate if a drag strip in an alternative universe is functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted strip existing in a New England based wormhole, hovering in an obscure parallel portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere with them during teleportation... "This place smells weird." said Sebastian, "There's a scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood smells."... "That's a clue there is indeed something 'fishy' going on here." responded leader Larry Lamb with distinguished demeanor.... "Let's get our car over to tech inspection." blurted Fred The Wrench... "I'm glad I wore my double-stitch dungarees" interjected Maria, "I fit in just right with what all the other gals are wearing at this weird strip."...

Our crew arrive at tech along with other Super Stockers. A  sloppy official who reeks of low-tide odors approaches our team, "Hey, I ain't ever seen you folks here before. My name's Blowfish Billy, 'cause my face resembles a blowfish. I'm the tech inspector"...  As the clam-scented cretin gives the Belvedere a once over, it's apparent that Billy's pockets are overstuffed with soggy clams and oysters... Larry politely says "I can't help notice that your pockets are filled with seafood."... "What's it to ya??" comes back Blowfish Billy in a less than cordial manner... "Oh, I don't know," replies Larry, in an attempt to sound naive and unassuming, "we might be interested in purchasing some seafood to bring home and cook up after we win this race."... Blowfish Billy peers directly into Larry Lamb's eyes and says, "You out-of towners best focus on trying to make it past first round, and put the idea of anything to do with seafood out of your busybody, nosy minds!!!"... "I get it, Billy. We'll mind our own business." replies Larry...  Blowfish Billy then adds, "Your Belvedere looks structurally sound. You strangers pass tech inspection today. You all better get it up to the lanes 'cause first round starts soon. And mind your own business if you make conversation with any of the locals!!! Nobody much appreciates curious snoopers asking questions!!!! Understand?!?"...

Our gang leave Blowfish Billy at tech inspection behind, and arrive in the busy Super Stock staging lanes. There's a couple Caddys in the street class lanes that get our crew's attention... "Will ya look at dat??" says Fred The Wrench "Dem Caddys must be bursting with sea life in their big rear trunks!!"... "Be cool." squawks Peter The Parrot "We can't let these creeps know we're on to them yet."... "Peter's right." chimes in Sebastian. "We have to pretend to not notice all the salt water leaking from out of them trunks."... "SUPER STOCK TIME SHOTS ARE NEXT!!!" blares out of the track's P.A. speakers... A fellow Super Stock racer approaches our team and boasts "My Cobra Jet Ford is gonna bury your Belvedere!"... "And who are you??" replies Maria with her confident brand of moxie... "I'm Clawhammer Curtis." says the lanky character with only one tooth and one lazy eye on his forehead... "Neat Cobra you have there." says Larry Lamb...  "Aw, don't y'all bother being friendly with me." Clawhammer responds, "You ain't going to wanna be friendly with me after I put all your butts on the trailer, first crack I get at ya all."...

Fred The Wrench rolls his eyes... "I saw that, old man!" says Clawhammer, "What's your story, bub, are you here as a kiddie clown to give taffy bars to the children??"... "NO!!!" replies a now perturbed Fred, "I'M HERE TO WRENCH THIS HERE HEMI TO BEAT THAT POWDER PUFF FORD DUMP THAT YOU'RE DRIVING, CLAWHAMMER!!!"... Fred's outburst immediately gets the attention of droves of surrounding racers and fans... We haven't seen Fred The Wrench demonstrate this much ornery anger in his delivery for months!!!...  An uncomfortable vibe permeates throughout the staging lanes area. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife.... "UH, NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!" Clawhammer shouts to all the racers and fans staring in the direction of him and our tensed-up crew, "EVERYONE GET BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOIN' BEFORE YOU CAUGHT AN EARFUL FROM THIS HERE DIRECTION!!"... It seems that Clawhammer possesses a status of authority at this dastardly dreamworld of a drag strip-- Then he gets up-close in Fred's face and says "I saw you and your friends checking out the water spilling out from the trunks of my buddies' Caddys over there, you all have quite a suspicious eye for being unverifiable strangers who ain't ever raced here before!! You wanna tell me why that is, old man?!?"...

Larry Lamb tries to break the tense moment, "Oh, don't think anything of that, Mr. Clawhammer. I assure there's no reason that we should raise your ire, my dear friend."... "Don't be giving me your 'dear friend' schtick, you woolly-face intellectual type." replies Clawhammer, "I'm figuring that maybe you and your goody-two-shoes group have some kind of ulterior motive for being here today."... Clawhammer then walks away back to his Cobra, but not before giving one last mean rise of an eyebrow to our gang... "Whew," sighs Maria, "There's obviously a criminal element that substantiates the notion of  illegal seafood poaching being the primary business here."... "If I whip Clawhammer's Cobra with our Belvedere, he's going to become even more hostile." interjects Sebastian... "I'm certainly not getting a warm and fuzzy feeling from him." says Larry Lamb, "Clawhammer might even possibly detect that we're agents for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association looking to bust this sleazy seafood operation, and I have a strong hunch that he's most likely the top honcho of the operation."... "I say that we tell Clawhammer he can have his crack at us first round, and then we blow his doors off, AND THEN bust him and his cronies with all the evidence of all that illegally obtained seafood in the trunks of those Caddys!" squawks Peter The Parrot... Sebastian then strolls over to Clawhammer and his Cobra and says, "Tell ya what, Clawhammer.  How 'bout we not waste any of our time, we'll give you the opportunity to race us in the first round. You good with that??"... "YOU BET I AM, DO-GOODY GLAMOUR BOY!!!" replies a cocky Clawhammer, "AND AFTER I BEAT YOU STONE COLD SILLY, I WANT YOUSE ALL OUT OF HERE AND TO NEVER COME BACK!!!!"...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Looks like Peter The Parrot's suggested strategy is the aggressive direction our team are going to take. First round Super Stock battle royale will commence next. Will our gang show Clawhammer Curtis that his Ford is second rate compared to their Belvedere stuffed with a hot Hemi under the hood?!? Or will Clawhammer have enough ponies under the hood of his 'pony car' to send the Hemi home?!? THEN, WHEN AND HOW WILL THE BUST GO DOWN?!?! WILL OUR DO-GOODERS BE ABLE TO PUT AN END TO THE SHADY SEAFOOD POACHING OPERATION THAT USES THIS DRAG STRIP AS A FRONT?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.