TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... A MENACING CRAB IN THE COCKPIT?!?...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

 

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate and bust a drag strip in an alternative universe allegedly functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted strip existing in a New England based wormhole, hovering in an obscure parallel portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere during teleportation... "This place smells weird." said Sebastian, "There's a scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood smells."... "That's a clue there is indeed something 'fishy' going on here." responded leader Larry Lamb with his usual distinguished demeanor... "Let's get our car over to the staging lanes." blurted Fred The Wrench... "I'm glad I wore my double-stitch dungarees" interjected Maria, "I fit in just right with what all the other gals are wearing at this weird strip."...

Our gang are now in the Super Stock staging lanes. There's a couple Caddys in the street class lanes... "Will ya look at dat??" says Fred The Wrench "Dem Caddys are bursting with illegally poached sea life and salt water spilling out of their trunks!!"... "SUPER STOCK ROUND ONE IS NEXT!!!" blares an announcement out of the track's P.A. system... A fellow Super Stock racer approaches our team "My Cobra Jet Ford is gonna bury your Belvedere!"... "And who are you??" replies Maria... "I'm Clawhammer Curtis." says the lanky character with only one tooth and one lazy eye on his forehead... "That's some Cobra you have there." says Larry Lamb...  "Don't y'all bother being friendly with me!" Clawhammer responds, "You ain't going to wanna be friendly with me after I put all youse on the trailer, first crack I get at ya all."... Fred The Wrench rolls his eyes... "I saw that, old man!" says Clawhammer, "Are you here as a kiddie clown giving away taffy bars to the kids??"... "UH, NO!!!" replies a now perturbed Fred, "I'M HERE TO WRENCH THIS HERE HEMI TO BEAT THAT POWDER PUFF FORD YOU'RE DRIVING, CLAWHAMMER!!!"...

Fred's amplified outburst gets the attention of racers and fans... An uncomfortable vibe permeates throughout the stage lanes... "NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!" Clawhammer shouts to everyone staring in the direction of him and our tense crew, "EVERYONE GET BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOIN' BEFORE YOU CAUGHT AN EARFUL FROM THIS HERE DIRECTION!!"... Clawhammer then gets in Fred's face and says "I saw you and your friends checking out the water spilling out from the trunks of my buddies' Caddys over there, you have quite a suspicious eye for being unverifiable strangers who ain't ever raced here before!!"... Larry Lamb attempts to break the tension "Oh, please don't think anything of that, Mr. Clawhammer, my dear friend."... "Don't be giving me your 'dear friend' schtick, you woolly-face intellectual type." replies an authoritative Clawhammer.

"I'm figuring you goody-two-shoes have an ulterior motive for being here today." Clawhammer spurts, then walks away back to his Cobra... "Whew," sighs Maria "There's definitely an element that substantiates illegal seafood poaching at this drag strip!"... "Clawhammer's downright hostile, and I'll bet he's the ringleader of the seafood poaching operation!" interjects Sebastian... "Larry Lamb chimes in "I believe that  Clawhammer possibly detects that we're agents for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, looking to bust this sleazy operation. After first round we better bust this corrupted gang up!"... Sebastian then strolls over to the Cobra with Clawhammer seated in it, and says "How 'bout we race each other first round. You good with that?"... "YOU BET I AM, DO-GOODY GLAMOUR BOY!!!" replies a cocky Clawhammer  "AND AFTER I BEAT YOU STONE COLD SILLY, I WANT YOUSE ALL OUT OF HERE QUICK AND TO NEVER COME BACK, YA HEAR ME?!?!"...

A staging lane director motions for our crew and Clawhammer Curtis to roll into the burnout box and commence to racing. Sebastian secures his helmet strap and gets situated in the cockpit. Clawhammer gives a powerful abrupt stab of his Cobra Jet Ford and then smokes the tires. Sebastian kicks into 'Phantom' mode and makes his Belvedere blast through the burnout box with an aggressive display of torque and muscle. The starter indicates that both racers should stage their respective hot rods. As Sebastian lines up into the stage beams, he's suddenly distracted by an irritating pinching sensation on his shoulder. Sebastian takes a second to glance down at his shoulder, and sees a large crab fiercely pinching him with tenacity... "WHAT THE...?!?" Sebastian shouts out to himself in agony as he tries desperately to drive his Super Stocker competitively...

Clawhammer then looks over at Sebastian in the opposing lane and giggles with a sinister sounding gurgle, as he sees the big crab he sneakingly planted in Sebastian's car, performing its appointed duty, of dastardly distracting Sebastian from being able to focus his attention on the bulbs of the christmas tree. The lights flash green and Clawhammer gets a sizeable holeshot on Sebastian due to the covert crab breaking Sebastian's concentration... "OH NO, WE BETTER NOT LOSE TO THAT CLAWHAMMER JERK!!!" shouts Fred The Wrench, while watching from the starting line as Clawhammer gets the lead... "WHAT A DIRTY TRICK!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "I SAW THAT CREEPY CRAB CRAWL UP ON SEBASTIAN'S SHOULDER AND DISTRACT HIM FROM CUTTING A GOOD LIGHT!!!"... Sebastian then gets what feels like a divine burst of additional horsepower, that must have been sent from the Heavenly Hemi Gods of the drag racing afterlife, and he manages to accelerate within striking distance of Clawhammer's Cobra... HOWEVER, the pesky crab then plants itself on Sebastian's nose and pinches with hellish agitation!... BOTH RACERS ARE RAPIDLY MOVING TOWARDS THE FINISHLINE!!!!-- THIS DRAG STRIP DUEL IS WAAAAAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!-- IT'S A REAL NAIL BITER OF A CELESTIAL SUPER STOCK DRAG RACE!!!!!!...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Looks like Clawhammer Curtis must have discreetly sneaked a nasty crab into the cockpit of our crew's Belvedere when he was hanging around them in the staging lanes, with the nefarious intent of having the sea creature distract Sebastian from being able to fully focus on his driving duties once the race started. Now it's questionable whether or not our team can defeat Clawhammer, not to mention the fact of their desire to then go on to bust him and his cronies who are running an illegal seafood poaching operation, using this drag strip as a front for their crooked buisness!!! WILL OUR DO-GOODERS BE ABLE TO BEAT CLAWHAMMER AND THEN PUT AN END TO THE SHADY SEAFOOD POACHING OPERATION?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.