HALLELUJAH!! TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER IS BACK FOR THE NEW YEAR!!...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team teleported to the future, to the distant year 3000... The superiors from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.) assigned our do-gooders the crucial mission of saving Drag Racing from being wiped out of existence in the year 3000... A group of global zealots, and cockeyed politicians were headstrong on abolishing the sport of drag racing. Our crew were assigned to pose as consultants from a prestigious Cambridge based think-tank, materializing in the final minutes of a Washington D.C. conference, where a vote's to be taken by the world's superpowers, deciding the eternal fate of drag racing... The auditorium on the 200th floor of an opulent Washington D.C. government skyscraper, known as "The Grand Penthouse Conference Atrium", featured fountains spouting top-shelf tequila, priceless paintings on the walls, and exotic hostesses saddled on miniature ponies serving caviar. Leader Larry Lamb was unsuccessful in persuading the global bigwigs to spare drag racing from extinction during his brief time allotted to address them from the conference's gold-plated, pompous podium.

Then the conference's officiator rubbed his quadruple chin and blurted,  "Listen, pal-- My name's Druscula Fusscula-- I run the show 'round  here. Let's have a private meeting in my chambers, and discuss your, ahem, strong desire to sway our impending negative decision concerning the matter of drag racing's future."... Fusscula lead Larry Lamb to his chambers, where he made it quite apparent that a substantial bribe would be required in order to save drag racing from being abolished... Of course the idea of paying a bribe went against every fabric of Larry Lamb's upstanding moral and ethical character... HOWEVER, considering the dire consequences that drag racing would suffer if this matter did not get corrected, Larry immediately telepathically contacted the superiors of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, and made it clear that he needed six trillion, eighteen zillion dollars in circa year 3000 international currency to bribe Druscula Fusscula... In the blink of an eye, a mammoth mountain of money materialized. Fusscula did a double take when his peepers saw the amount of money before him, "WHAT THE %$#!!!! LOOK AT ALL THIS DOUGH!!!!" he shouted "I THINK YOU GET THE RECORD FOR PRODUCING THE BIGGEST FREAKIN' MONEY BRIBE TO EVER COME MY WAY!!!!"... "Yes, it is." Larry Lamb replied, in a now stern tone "Now you go instruct your corrupt cronies out there to vote in favor of saving drag racing, AND you must give me your word that you'll use half of this bribe money to improve living conditions for all the working class and poor people who I have learned are now occupying countless, downtrodden shantytowns all across your many internationally held territories."... Fusscula, even with his extreme grotesque greed, realizes that there's more than enough money from the bribe to satisfy his lust for luxury, as well as enough to distribute among the world's impoverished and oppressed working class and poor, and he agrees to the terms... Yes, our Christmas edition of this story did indeed have a happy ending, despite the questionable ethics exercised by Larry Lamb when paying the bribe...

Now our crew are back home at their heavenly racing and living compound. It's New Year's Day, and as they're enjoying servings of  Maria's special recipe celestial tea (all except for Fred The Wrench who insists on coffee), they're trying their best to unwind and relax, after the emotionally rattling assignment they just completed to save the sport of drag racing from world extinction... "Wow!" says Maria as she pours Larry a second cup of tea, "I can't believe you had to produce such a huge bribe to get those creeps to do the right thing!!"... "Yes, dear me," Larry replies, "In all my years of service to the heavenly side of the drag racing afterlife, I never thought I'd acquiesce to paying a bribe, much less one of such an enormous amount, but the clock was ticking, time was running out, and I truly believe there was no other viable option."... "I agree, boss." concurs Sebastian, "And look at it this way, not only did you save drag racing from being wiped off the face of the earth, you also provided financial relief to scores of oppressed people who so desperately needed it!"... "I guess you're right." says Larry as he switches gears, and tries to pep-up the mood, "So, what's everybody's New Year's resolutions??"... "I'm going try to be a better help around here." squawks Peter The Parrot... "Uh, I thinks I'm gonna try building a period correct '64 aluminum hemi Plymouth stocker." blurts Fred The Wrench... "I'm going to spend more time sharpening my reaction skills on the electronic practice tree that I got for Christmas." Sebastian says... "I'm going to spend my spare time starting a garden on the patio deck, with plenty of honeysuckle and apple blossom flowers." chimes in Maria, "And what about you, boss?? she adds, "What's YOUR New Year's resolution, Larry??"... Larry Lamb pauses for a brief moment and then replies, "My New Years resolution is to thank my lucky stars each and every single day, for the pleasure and satisfaction I get from being the leader of such a terrific crew like all of you."... "That's SOOO sweet!!"... Maria says with a compassionate and endearing smile... Everyone then proceeds to stand up and give each other a warm group hug...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, there's no denying that our previous episode of this serial series was the most controversial ever!! The backlash we received from some readers in regard to Larry Lamb paying a bribe to save drag racing was "off the charts" as they say!!  Yes, the bribe was an unprecedented event in the history of this morally & ethically correct paranormal drag racing series, but we do hope that more of you now realize the reasoning behind Larry's unexpected decision-- besides the bribe money saving drag racing, it also possibly saved the lives of countless working class and poor people in the year 3000... It's so comforting the way our group are able to spend New Year's Day unwinding back at home, and making their New Year's resolutions. Larry Lamb's resolution was most touching and emotionally serene... But for how long will this precious peace and tranquility last?!?! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.