TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... FRED WANTS TO WRENCH ENGINES, NOT ENGAGE IN CELESTIAL ESPIONAGE!!...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back home at their living compound and heavenly racing operations base, after returning from a crucial assignment that teleported them to the year 3000. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association (H.D.R.A.) previously assigned our do-gooders to prevent drag racing from being wiped out of existence in 3000. Corrupt politicians were headstrong on abolishing the sport of drag racing at a 'heavyweights only' international legislative conference . Larry Lamb was unsuccessful in persuading the politicians to save drag racing with his brief speech at the podium. This forced Larry to metaphysically produce a mammoth-sized money bribe, paid to the corrupt Druscula Fusscula, the officiator of the Washington D.C. based conference. Of course this weighed emotionally heavy for our group, because they never paid a bribe before. Paying the bribe caused controversy among our crew, due to what can admittedly be perceived as a morally and ethically questionable strategy...

Larry Lamb gets a telepathic message over his hybrid-micro-vision presentation anatomy-installed screen, and announces to his crew, "Listen to this, our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, are now insisting that we create a cover-up scenario, in order to cast doubt on the notion that we paid a bribe to alleviate the threat of drag racing's possible extinction."... "You're kidding, boss?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "No." replies Larry Lamb, "The HDRA brass are absolutely serious about this."... "Why is it so important that we cover up the fact that a bribe was paid?" Sebastian asked... "You see, dear boy," replies Larry, "The HDRA believes that the fact we paid a bribe, has somehow leaked out through a time-traveling news cycle virus, that's widely distributed among the drag racing afterlife's darkside, and this could open the floodgates for threats of future extortion against us. Everyone from the darkside will be looking for a big, fat bribe. Therefore, it's imperative that the darkside be tricked into believing that the bribe incident DID NOT happen, and that it was simply what's commonly known as 'fake news'"... "Huh, fake news???" interjects Maria, "What the dandelion is that?!?... "Evidently, my dear, Maria." replies Larry Lamb, "During the beginning of the millennial 2000, world political operatives created what is now known as 'fake news', basically, they were able to lie to large numbers of the population, essentially fooling them into believing things that simply are not based entirely in truth."...

“Let me get this straight," Fred The Wrench blurts, "Are we now supposed to postpone our getting back on the drag strip, the job we're REALLY supposed to be doing, so that's we can make up some kind of phony baloney story, to discredit the truth of what really DID happen, like paying that blasted bribe?!?"... "Yes, Fred," replies Larry Lamb, "This will indeed temporarily delay our embarking on any actual drag racing assignments."... "HECK WITH THIS CRUMB-BUM-BILLY-BOB COVER UP!!!" protests Fred, "I WANTS TO GET BACK TO THE DRAG STRIP!!! I WANTS TO BE TURNIN' WRENCHES, NOT HAVING TO BE SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT MAN OPERATIVE, 'CAUSE THAT AIN'TS MY LINE OF WORK!!!"...  "Hmmm" comes back Larry, "You haven't gotten this loud and boisterous in protest about anything since before you left us for a couple weeks in the summer, for your morale-boosting, anger-management therapy, Fred."...  "THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS!! I CAN'TS HOLD BACK MY AGITATION FROM THE DIRECTION OUR WORK IS TAKING US!!!" shouts Fred, "I GOTS TO GET BACK TO THE DRAGS, OR I'M GONNA HAVE AN EVENTUAL RELAPSE, BACK TO BEING OLD ORNERY FRED!!!! AND I SWEAR ON MY BEST SET OF TOOLS THAT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!!!"... "Point taken, Fred." Larry politely replies, "However, it's imperative that we all work together on this, or we may never be able to deal dominantly with the darkside of the drag racing afterlife ever again. If the darkside were to begin pinching us with extortion demanding bribes, that's a game we may never be able to win, no matter how great we do on the drag strip. So please bear with this all, Fred. Please try to understand the importance of this in the grand scheme of our work."

"Isn't there a recently developed formula of time warp manipulation, that can distort all existing memories and recorded metaphysical media of the bribe incident?" blurts Sebastian.... "Yes." replies Larry Lamb, "To do that, we must come up with a replacement scenario of events to cancel out our actions that we wish erased and distorted from time."... "How about making it look like the bribe came from an alien entity who then ceased to exist shortly after the bribe was paid?" interjects Maria... "Yes, Maria!" replies Larry Lamb, "That's a bang-up good show of an idea!"... Larry motions with his woolly head for Sebastian to follow him to the metaphysical programming console. The two start engaging buttons, turning knobs, manipulating the moment in time when the bribe was paid, realizing that it's important that the corrupt conference officiator and his ilk still have the money, because not only did the bribe save drag racing, but it also was agreed that half of the massive bribe money was to be used to help all the oppressed people of the world, suffering in poverty in the year 3000...  After a few minutes of intense concentration at the console, Larry Lamb exclaims "We did it! We created a warp in time, that distorts the facts, giving the appearance that an alien life form that subsequently self imploded, is the one who paid the bribe, not me, so now the bribe can't be traced back to our organization!"... "And it also distorts that corrupt Druscula Fusscula's memory, so he recalls the incident in a way that cancels out any and all memories of Larry and all of us." adds a smiling Sebastian...

Just as our gang share a collective sigh of relief, leader Larry Lamb receives another urgent telepathic order from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association... Larry's facial expression goes from conservative jubilation to a solemn stare... "What's the matter, boss?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot, "You look like the HDRA just sent you a troubling message!!"... Larry pauses, gains his composure and addresses the crew, "I've just been assigned to direct this team through a mission of parallel universe enigma espionage.".... "WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!" shouts Fred The Wrench. "THAT SURE DON'T SOUND LIKE WE'RE GONNA BE BACK ON THE RACE TRACK!!!"... "I'm afraid not, Fred my boy," Larry replies, "And I must tell you, Fred, uh, this new mission will require that YOU pose as a traveling celestial carpet salesman from Boise, Idaho, and you must wear a radio transmitting wire and a concealed earpiece for the espionage operation.".... "WHY ME?!?" yells a now visibly unsettled Fred... "Because appearance wise," replies Larry, "The brass at the HDRA believe you're the most convincing looking among all of us, to play the role as a traveling celestial carpet salesman."... "LISTEN!!!! MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION WAS TO BUILD A PERIOD CORRECT 1964 ALUMINUM HEMI PLYMOUTH STOCKER, NOT TO BE SPENDIN' MY TIME PLAYIN'  A SECRET AGENT MAN, IN THE ROLE OF A TRAVELING CELESTIAL CARPET SALESMAN!!! I AIN'TS TRAINED FOR ESPIONAGE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!! I'M A WRENCH!!!! I'M A MECHANIC!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS NEW ASSIGNMENT ALL ABOUT ANYWAYS?!?!?"... 

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, we certainly don't want to see all this sort of non-mechanical work send Fred The Wrench into a relapse, digressing him back to his old, overly ornery personality. But you must admit, Fred does make a point, his job assignment is far more designated as being a metaphysically masterful drag racing mechanic, than constantly always having to drop his tools, and then play a part in some heavenly covert afterlife espionage operation. Do you think this newest assignment is still somehow related to the bribe incident's cover-up?? Will Fred The Wrench be able to keep his emotions and mental state in check, long enough to get through this latest diversion from the drag strip and the kind of work Fred really enjoys doing??!? We don't even know the full details of the new assignment yet!!!  We'll know much more about the new assignment in next week's installment!!! WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING?!?!? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.