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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

LOVE, CONCERN & SOLIDARITY FOR MY BROTHERS & SISTERS OF LONDON...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Having spent a lot of my time in England over the years, including spending many months residing in central London's Averard Hotel (pictured), a place that became my home away from home, due to my Big Stick related music business affairs, I have grown a heartfelt love and compassion for the good people of London and my many English friends and associates. I wish to express my concern and solidarity for all those now suffering as a result of yesterday's terror attack on Westminster Bridge and the Houses of Parliament. Try to stay strong London. And know that you are now and forever in my heart and spirit. Thoughts and prayers for all of you at this most unsettling time...

 

 


TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... A MENACING CRAB IN THE COCKPIT?!?...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

 

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate and bust a drag strip in an alternative universe allegedly functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted strip existing in a New England based wormhole, hovering in an obscure parallel portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere during teleportation... "This place smells weird." said Sebastian, "There's a scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood smells."... "That's a clue there is indeed something 'fishy' going on here." responded leader Larry Lamb with his usual distinguished demeanor... "Let's get our car over to the staging lanes." blurted Fred The Wrench... "I'm glad I wore my double-stitch dungarees" interjected Maria, "I fit in just right with what all the other gals are wearing at this weird strip."...

Our gang are now in the Super Stock staging lanes. There's a couple Caddys in the street class lanes... "Will ya look at dat??" says Fred The Wrench "Dem Caddys are bursting with illegally poached sea life and salt water spilling out of their trunks!!"... "SUPER STOCK ROUND ONE IS NEXT!!!" blares an announcement out of the track's P.A. system... A fellow Super Stock racer approaches our team "My Cobra Jet Ford is gonna bury your Belvedere!"... "And who are you??" replies Maria... "I'm Clawhammer Curtis." says the lanky character with only one tooth and one lazy eye on his forehead... "That's some Cobra you have there." says Larry Lamb...  "Don't y'all bother being friendly with me!" Clawhammer responds, "You ain't going to wanna be friendly with me after I put all youse on the trailer, first crack I get at ya all."... Fred The Wrench rolls his eyes... "I saw that, old man!" says Clawhammer, "Are you here as a kiddie clown giving away taffy bars to the kids??"... "UH, NO!!!" replies a now perturbed Fred, "I'M HERE TO WRENCH THIS HERE HEMI TO BEAT THAT POWDER PUFF FORD YOU'RE DRIVING, CLAWHAMMER!!!"...

Fred's amplified outburst gets the attention of racers and fans... An uncomfortable vibe permeates throughout the stage lanes... "NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!" Clawhammer shouts to everyone staring in the direction of him and our tense crew, "EVERYONE GET BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOIN' BEFORE YOU CAUGHT AN EARFUL FROM THIS HERE DIRECTION!!"... Clawhammer then gets in Fred's face and says "I saw you and your friends checking out the water spilling out from the trunks of my buddies' Caddys over there, you have quite a suspicious eye for being unverifiable strangers who ain't ever raced here before!!"... Larry Lamb attempts to break the tension "Oh, please don't think anything of that, Mr. Clawhammer, my dear friend."... "Don't be giving me your 'dear friend' schtick, you woolly-face intellectual type." replies an authoritative Clawhammer.

"I'm figuring you goody-two-shoes have an ulterior motive for being here today." Clawhammer spurts, then walks away back to his Cobra... "Whew," sighs Maria "There's definitely an element that substantiates illegal seafood poaching at this drag strip!"... "Clawhammer's downright hostile, and I'll bet he's the ringleader of the seafood poaching operation!" interjects Sebastian... "Larry Lamb chimes in "I believe that  Clawhammer possibly detects that we're agents for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, looking to bust this sleazy operation. After first round we better bust this corrupted gang up!"... Sebastian then strolls over to the Cobra with Clawhammer seated in it, and says "How 'bout we race each other first round. You good with that?"... "YOU BET I AM, DO-GOODY GLAMOUR BOY!!!" replies a cocky Clawhammer  "AND AFTER I BEAT YOU STONE COLD SILLY, I WANT YOUSE ALL OUT OF HERE QUICK AND TO NEVER COME BACK, YA HEAR ME?!?!"...

A staging lane director motions for our crew and Clawhammer Curtis to roll into the burnout box and commence to racing. Sebastian secures his helmet strap and gets situated in the cockpit. Clawhammer gives a powerful abrupt stab of his Cobra Jet Ford and then smokes the tires. Sebastian kicks into 'Phantom' mode and makes his Belvedere blast through the burnout box with an aggressive display of torque and muscle. The starter indicates that both racers should stage their respective hot rods. As Sebastian lines up into the stage beams, he's suddenly distracted by an irritating pinching sensation on his shoulder. Sebastian takes a second to glance down at his shoulder, and sees a large crab fiercely pinching him with tenacity... "WHAT THE...?!?" Sebastian shouts out to himself in agony as he tries desperately to drive his Super Stocker competitively...

Clawhammer then looks over at Sebastian in the opposing lane and giggles with a sinister sounding gurgle, as he sees the big crab he sneakingly planted in Sebastian's car, performing its appointed duty, of dastardly distracting Sebastian from being able to focus his attention on the bulbs of the christmas tree. The lights flash green and Clawhammer gets a sizeable holeshot on Sebastian due to the covert crab breaking Sebastian's concentration... "OH NO, WE BETTER NOT LOSE TO THAT CLAWHAMMER JERK!!!" shouts Fred The Wrench, while watching from the starting line as Clawhammer gets the lead... "WHAT A DIRTY TRICK!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "I SAW THAT CREEPY CRAB CRAWL UP ON SEBASTIAN'S SHOULDER AND DISTRACT HIM FROM CUTTING A GOOD LIGHT!!!"... Sebastian then gets what feels like a divine burst of additional horsepower, that must have been sent from the Heavenly Hemi Gods of the drag racing afterlife, and he manages to accelerate within striking distance of Clawhammer's Cobra... HOWEVER, the pesky crab then plants itself on Sebastian's nose and pinches with hellish agitation!... BOTH RACERS ARE RAPIDLY MOVING TOWARDS THE FINISHLINE!!!!-- THIS DRAG STRIP DUEL IS WAAAAAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!-- IT'S A REAL NAIL BITER OF A CELESTIAL SUPER STOCK DRAG RACE!!!!!!...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Looks like Clawhammer Curtis must have discreetly sneaked a nasty crab into the cockpit of our crew's Belvedere when he was hanging around them in the staging lanes, with the nefarious intent of having the sea creature distract Sebastian from being able to fully focus on his driving duties once the race started. Now it's questionable whether or not our team can defeat Clawhammer, not to mention the fact of their desire to then go on to bust him and his cronies who are running an illegal seafood poaching operation, using this drag strip as a front for their crooked buisness!!! WILL OUR DO-GOODERS BE ABLE TO BEAT CLAWHAMMER AND THEN PUT AN END TO THE SHADY SEAFOOD POACHING OPERATION?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


I just wanted to use today's blog installment to offer my congratulations to former Old Bridge Township Raceway Park manager and local hero, Eddie Krawiec, on his Pro Stock Motorcycle victory at this past weekend's NHRA Gatornationals in Gainesville, Florida... All of us 'round my neck of the woods hope that the three-time NHRA Pro Stock Motorcycle world champion and his trusty team can keep their strong momentum going. The Gatornationals' victory marked Eddie's 37th career win aboard his "Screamin' Eagle" Vance & Hines Harley-Davidson bike. We're all proud 'round here when we see hometown hero Eddie Krawiec whoop the ultra-competitive Pro Stock Motorcycle field on the tough National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) tour...

 

 

Congratulations to former Old Bridge Township Raceway Park manager Eddie Krawiec on his Gatornationals win.


The management of Drag Racing Underground presents guest blogger Mary Murray. She's an opinionated woman from the northwest. Truth is that Doc is mighty busy of late with her Big Stick music duties and her sculpture pursuits, so we figure giving Mary a crack as a substitute blogger might be a good idea. Being that Drag Racing Underground is known as the strongest advocate of free speech among drag racing web sites, we're willing to give this outspoken lady a guest spot when Doc is too busy to blog. Please keep in mind that the thoughts and opinions expressed by Mary Murray with her MARY'S MOUTHPIECE blog submissions do not necessarily reflect those of Drag Racing Underground. Without further ado, we give you Mary Murray...


HEY YOU GUYS!!! Wake up and smell the coffee! Drink the coffee and then have another cup on me. I'm Mary. I going to put my cards right on the table. I am happy as a kitty in a yarn warehouse to be able to communicate with you once again on the drag racing web page best known for insightful thought and unrestricted freedom of expression. My last appearance here caused what I've been told to be an "unprecedented amount of negative emails" sent to the Drag Racing Underground bosses. And I was told that many of the emails were of an "extremely severely angry nature"... Yes, I understand that when I express my opinions, they don't always jive with everyone else, but that's just how this bold lady rolls-- Anyways-- Today I want to share with you all my unbridled joy for my hunk of a hero John Force. So many millennials write in to Drag Racing Underground mocking me, and telling me how they believe John Force is "all washed up" and should retire from drag racing and be "put out to pasture"-- HA!! I say!! That's phooey dooey huey balderdash!! 'Cause it just so happens that John "Brute" Force scored his 2,500th round win, and 148th Funny Car career victory at yesterday's NHRA Gatornationals in Gainesville, Florida! Not too shabby, all you snooty smartypants naysayers! That sure doesn't sound like a "washed up" racer to me! John "Brute" Force, the winningest Funny Car racer in NHRA history, and sixteen-time world champion, defeated hotshots Del Worsham, "Fast" Jack Beckman, Tommy Johnson Jr. and Jonnie Lindberg to reach the pinnacle of the incredibly tough Gatornationals' flopper field. After John won the final round, it gave me so much pleasure to see his wife and lovely racing daughters jumping for joy on the Gainesville starting line, especially because me and my seven cats were also jumping for joy on my living room couch right with them! John Force still has the proverbial "right stuff" to go rounds and make it to the winner's circle!!... I want to end this here blog with a very special message for everyone. We all love cheap clothes and electronics bargains, but can we all please join the fight against overseas child slavery, and do our part to eliminate child slave labor in our lifetime. Thank you...

 

 


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent, that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 


Today we have the trusty Stephanie substituting for The Doc. At this time Doc is either occupied with her Big Stick music related work, and/or her fine-art sculpture related responsibilities (as she will be increasingly frequently over the period of the next several months or so)... We believe that Doc will hopefully be back on the clock for Monday's edition of this popular blog installment... Of course on Sunday (tomorrow), we will be running our regularly scheduled 'SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY' feature, which I now help editorially administrate for Drag Racing Underground each and every single weekend with the help of Doc's ever insightful guidance and oversight... Please enjoy Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day... This installment features a photograph that Doc agreed we could use to send an official 'one-day-late' belated Happy Saint Patrick's Day wish to all our loyal readers. Here we have a pic snapped at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, New Jersey, at the track's prestigious OLD TIME DRAGS event, which incidentally happens this summer on Sunday July 23rd (mark you calendar now).  We see a bold green colored, nostalgia Gasser with a cheerful Doc kneeling next to it, and sending everyone a message of joyful Irish spirit in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day...  If nostalgia racing turns you on, be sure to check out Drag Racing Underground's NOSTALGIA RAW and FUNNY CAR REUNION RAW dvds, by simply clicking on the "VIDEO CATALOG" link at the top center of the page. It's no secret that racing aficionados who are genuinely in the know, claim that Drag Racing Underground dvds are the most entertaining, enlightening and hardcore in all the entire world...

 

 

Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day features Doc with a green Gasser saying Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring the return of Franky & Felicia making their winner picks for this weekends NHRA Gatornationals caused a firestorm of both positive and negative emails. Adam from Fullerton, CA wrote, "I'm glad the screwed up couple from Queens are back. I hate the Mets and Billy Joel and most things to do with New York, but I do get a kick out of their primitive humor. They're great for laughs."-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Walter from Park Hill, OK said, "Please bring back the more sophisticated Mike & Barbara for the NHRA picks features. Franky's & Felicia's prognostication skills suck. All they ever talk about is themselves and their stupid loser lifestyle."... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Cristofer from all the way in Honduras said, "I am your biggest fan of the Phantom Racer story in Honduras. Every week I love so much the tales that are told."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Clawhammer Curtis getting so damn cocky with our team is getting me awful angry!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog titled 'POSITIVE THINKING TO COMBAT THE STELLA SNOWSTORM BLUES' had Arthur from Tansboro, NJ chime in, "Seeing the picture of Englishtown's drag strip gave me hope that Spring is finally coming."... My blog confirming that March is officially Mental Health Awareness Month in the drag racing community prompted Danny from Henderson, NV to say, "I'm so proud of Drag Racing Underground for having the guts to recognize the mental health issues faced by so many fellow racers and fans."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Katie from Wellington, FL in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Marvin's attitude is why people like him are gross! He's a mess!"... Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day, featuring yours truly showing respect for "Jungle Jim", by wearing my vintage 1973 Raceway Park t-shirt caused Raymond from Leon, ID to say, "Doc is a sight for sore eyes in her Jungle shirt. She's a truly beautiful woman inside and out."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


 

Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the 'Contact Us' link at the top of this page... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA Amalie Motor Oil Gatornationals happening at Gainesville Raceway in fabulous Florida, my favorite state outside of New Yawk. I've only been to Florida once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family went out there for my grandmother's fifth wedding. I'm getting the feeling that Mike & Barbara might be history.  A leak from the Drag Racing Underground stuffed shirts tells me that Felicia and myself have been getting better feedback than Mike and Barbara from all youse people who write in with your opinions. Although I haven't been able to get a straight answer about this situation from DRU bosses 'Big Jim" or Stephanie, I hope them phony baloney Mike & Barbara snooty snobs are out of the picture for good. I sure don't appreciate the way they make fun of my NY METS, or our love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke at our local bar in Queens. I know that Felicia's and my behavior gets us occasionally put on on probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever.  And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about the New Yawk Mets not making it to the World Series last season. That really hurt me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing at Gainesville this weekend!

 

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I hope Drag Racing Underground drops the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for sunny Florida is Antron Brown. He secured his third Top Fuel World Championship title last season. He's gonna hit the Gators with a bang and put another Wally on his mantle. And I like the guy 'cause he's originally one of dem Joisey boys!

 

Franky: No way is Antron Brown gonna win in Florida this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Antron Brown fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break.  I'm going with Leah Prtichett and her nitro pizza delivery dragster. She's got the goods to make it three wins in a row this weekend. I know that Felicia says Leah's got the prettiest eyebrows in Top Fuel, heck, I think she's a darling doll of a serious driver. She's gonna have a number one points finish for the 2017 season. I'm  predicting that Leah Pritchett and her team are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the Gainesville field!

 

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Leah Pritchett 'cause she won the first two races is slightly blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know she's fierce out of the gate this season, and playing tough, however, I don't thinks she'll win the Gators, if she does win, I'll buy you a pizza pie from the people who are sponsoring her. How's that suit ya, Franky?!? My Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps finally won a championship in 2017. I thinks he's gonna also wiggle his way to winning the 2017 championship. I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and the NAPA crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

 

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the Gators ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle. I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

 

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming Gatornationals event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For the third race of NHRA's 2017 season I'm making me a smart, safe and sane pick in Pro Stock. I say that Jason Line at the wheel of his Summit Racing Equipment sponsored Camaro is destined to close the doorslammin' deal this Sunday. Jason Line has shown the world that he knows how to give the rest of the fast factory hot rods a hard time. I thinks he and his team are gonna be unstoppable in Florida. I believe that Jason and his Camaro are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

 

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Jason Line is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note in Florida. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she ain't exactly been setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod' than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing checkers with those wise-cracking kids you're mentoring down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

 

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey, and that Drag Racing Underground doesn't bring snooty Mike & Barbara back.

 

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate if a drag strip in an alternative universe is functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted strip existing in a New England based wormhole, hovering in an obscure parallel portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere with them during teleportation... "This place smells weird." said Sebastian, "There's a scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood smells."... "That's a clue there is indeed something 'fishy' going on here." responded leader Larry Lamb with distinguished demeanor.... "Let's get our car over to tech inspection." blurted Fred The Wrench... "I'm glad I wore my double-stitch dungarees" interjected Maria, "I fit in just right with what all the other gals are wearing at this weird strip."...

Our crew arrive at tech along with other Super Stockers. A  sloppy official who reeks of low-tide odors approaches our team, "Hey, I ain't ever seen you folks here before. My name's Blowfish Billy, 'cause my face resembles a blowfish. I'm the tech inspector"...  As the clam-scented cretin gives the Belvedere a once over, it's apparent that Billy's pockets are overstuffed with soggy clams and oysters... Larry politely says "I can't help notice that your pockets are filled with seafood."... "What's it to ya??" comes back Blowfish Billy in a less than cordial manner... "Oh, I don't know," replies Larry, in an attempt to sound naive and unassuming, "we might be interested in purchasing some seafood to bring home and cook up after we win this race."... Blowfish Billy peers directly into Larry Lamb's eyes and says, "You out-of towners best focus on trying to make it past first round, and put the idea of anything to do with seafood out of your busybody, nosy minds!!!"... "I get it, Billy. We'll mind our own business." replies Larry...  Blowfish Billy then adds, "Your Belvedere looks structurally sound. You strangers pass tech inspection today. You all better get it up to the lanes 'cause first round starts soon. And mind your own business if you make conversation with any of the locals!!! Nobody much appreciates curious snoopers asking questions!!!! Understand?!?"...

Our gang leave Blowfish Billy at tech inspection behind, and arrive in the busy Super Stock staging lanes. There's a couple Caddys in the street class lanes that get our crew's attention... "Will ya look at dat??" says Fred The Wrench "Dem Caddys must be bursting with sea life in their big rear trunks!!"... "Be cool." squawks Peter The Parrot "We can't let these creeps know we're on to them yet."... "Peter's right." chimes in Sebastian. "We have to pretend to not notice all the salt water leaking from out of them trunks."... "SUPER STOCK TIME SHOTS ARE NEXT!!!" blares out of the track's P.A. speakers... A fellow Super Stock racer approaches our team and boasts "My Cobra Jet Ford is gonna bury your Belvedere!"... "And who are you??" replies Maria with her confident brand of moxie... "I'm Clawhammer Curtis." says the lanky character with only one tooth and one lazy eye on his forehead... "Neat Cobra you have there." says Larry Lamb...  "Aw, don't y'all bother being friendly with me." Clawhammer responds, "You ain't going to wanna be friendly with me after I put all your butts on the trailer, first crack I get at ya all."...

Fred The Wrench rolls his eyes... "I saw that, old man!" says Clawhammer, "What's your story, bub, are you here as a kiddie clown to give taffy bars to the children??"... "NO!!!" replies a now perturbed Fred, "I'M HERE TO WRENCH THIS HERE HEMI TO BEAT THAT POWDER PUFF FORD DUMP THAT YOU'RE DRIVING, CLAWHAMMER!!!"... Fred's outburst immediately gets the attention of droves of surrounding racers and fans... We haven't seen Fred The Wrench demonstrate this much ornery anger in his delivery for months!!!...  An uncomfortable vibe permeates throughout the staging lanes area. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife.... "UH, NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!" Clawhammer shouts to all the racers and fans staring in the direction of him and our tensed-up crew, "EVERYONE GET BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOIN' BEFORE YOU CAUGHT AN EARFUL FROM THIS HERE DIRECTION!!"... It seems that Clawhammer possesses a status of authority at this dastardly dreamworld of a drag strip-- Then he gets up-close in Fred's face and says "I saw you and your friends checking out the water spilling out from the trunks of my buddies' Caddys over there, you all have quite a suspicious eye for being unverifiable strangers who ain't ever raced here before!! You wanna tell me why that is, old man?!?"...

Larry Lamb tries to break the tense moment, "Oh, don't think anything of that, Mr. Clawhammer. I assure there's no reason that we should raise your ire, my dear friend."... "Don't be giving me your 'dear friend' schtick, you woolly-face intellectual type." replies Clawhammer, "I'm figuring that maybe you and your goody-two-shoes group have some kind of ulterior motive for being here today."... Clawhammer then walks away back to his Cobra, but not before giving one last mean rise of an eyebrow to our gang... "Whew," sighs Maria, "There's obviously a criminal element that substantiates the notion of  illegal seafood poaching being the primary business here."... "If I whip Clawhammer's Cobra with our Belvedere, he's going to become even more hostile." interjects Sebastian... "I'm certainly not getting a warm and fuzzy feeling from him." says Larry Lamb, "Clawhammer might even possibly detect that we're agents for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association looking to bust this sleazy seafood operation, and I have a strong hunch that he's most likely the top honcho of the operation."... "I say that we tell Clawhammer he can have his crack at us first round, and then we blow his doors off, AND THEN bust him and his cronies with all the evidence of all that illegally obtained seafood in the trunks of those Caddys!" squawks Peter The Parrot... Sebastian then strolls over to Clawhammer and his Cobra and says, "Tell ya what, Clawhammer.  How 'bout we not waste any of our time, we'll give you the opportunity to race us in the first round. You good with that??"... "YOU BET I AM, DO-GOODY GLAMOUR BOY!!!" replies a cocky Clawhammer, "AND AFTER I BEAT YOU STONE COLD SILLY, I WANT YOUSE ALL OUT OF HERE AND TO NEVER COME BACK!!!!"...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Looks like Peter The Parrot's suggested strategy is the aggressive direction our team are going to take. First round Super Stock battle royale will commence next. Will our gang show Clawhammer Curtis that his Ford is second rate compared to their Belvedere stuffed with a hot Hemi under the hood?!? Or will Clawhammer have enough ponies under the hood of his 'pony car' to send the Hemi home?!? THEN, WHEN AND HOW WILL THE BUST GO DOWN?!?! WILL OUR DO-GOODERS BE ABLE TO PUT AN END TO THE SHADY SEAFOOD POACHING OPERATION THAT USES THIS DRAG STRIP AS A FRONT?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


POSITIVE THINKING TO COMBAT THE "STELLA SNOWSTORM" BLUES...

Posted by: lovely

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With this so-called "historic" nor'easter storm named "Stella" now blasting through the northeast and other surrounding regions of the nation, I thought I'd take today as an opportunity to offer up some positive thinking for those of us in the cyber drag racing community... Despite the fact that "Stella" is booked as a blizzard to rattle your gizzard, truth be told, Spring and Summer are just around the corner on our calendars, and soon the snow and brutal winds will be nothing more than a faint memory, while we'll be basking in the sun's warm glow and experiencing the joys of drag racing at our local strips... So try to remain positive and optimistic... Don't let "Old Man Winter" get you down-- He'll be exiting soon and retreating from pummeling us with his inclement elements... Hang in there... The race cars will be firing up sooner than later, and we'll all be happy together at the drag strip... Oh, and don't forget, one more thing to put a smile on your face, tomorrow another exciting episode of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER returns to this page. Larry Lamb, Sebastian, Fred The Wrench, Maria and Peter The Parrot will be back on track...