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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together on Christmas Eve at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. Fred The Wrench went into extreme convulsions after hearing leader Larry Lamb announce that the next matter of business on the team's agenda is preparing for Christmas... "AAAAARH!!!!" screamed out  Fred The Wrench "I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN!!! CAN'T WE JUST GO TO THE DRAGS AND FORGET ABOUT CHRISTMAS?!?!... Fred  twisted his ample body into contortions and continued in a rage of sobbing anguish  "WHEN I WAS JUST SEVEN YEARS OLD BACK ON EARTH, IT WAS CHRISTMAS MORNING, MY FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A MASTER MECHANIC, DISCOVERED THAT I LOST HIS FAVORITE PAIR OF PLIERS, WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS BUILT A TREE HOUSE IN THE SUMMER--  MY DAD GREW FURIOUS, AND TOOK MY ONLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT, A 1/4 SCALE 'VISIBLE V8' MODEL KIT THAT I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, AND THREW IT IN OUR BURNING FIREPLACE AS PUNISHMENT FOR ME LOSING HIS PLIERS!!! THE VISIBLE V8 KIT WENT UP IN FLAMES AS I TEARFULLY WATCHED --  IT WAS THE WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY MORTAL LIFE!!!!! I'VE NEVER GOTTEN OVER THAT DAY -- NOW WHEN CHRISTMAS ROLLS AROUND EACH YEAR, EVEN HERE IN THE AFTERLIFE, ALL THAT MENTAL MISERY COMES BACK TO ME!!!!"...

"How do we make Fred's convulsions stop?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... Maria replies  "I'm going to have to try using an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical remedy for extreme mental duress that's called 'Butterfly Metamorphosis Therapy."... "YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO TURN OUR FRUMPY FRED INTO A DELICATE BUTTERFLY?!?" squawks a befuddled Peter... "Yes, Peter," replies Maria, "though it does come with risk, if it doesn't work just right, we could completely lose Fred for all eternity."..."That's a risk we'll have to take." states Larry Lamb with stern authority... Maria says, "I will repeat a sacred chant, that will hopefully turn Fred first into an egg, then a larva, then a pupa, and then, God willing, into a beautiful butterfly, free of all mental trauma and stress, and full of only tranquil and healing peace of mind."... Maria begins to repeat the ancient metaphysical chant, "FOR OUR DEAREST FRIEND FRED, FOR THE UPCOMING CHRISTMAS DAY, LET HIS CHILDHOOD ANGUISH BE SENT FAR, FAR AWAY -- TRANSFORM HIS BODY, SPIRIT AND SOUL, INTO THE FOUR STAGES OF BUTTERFLY METAMORPHOSIS, LEAVING HIS CHILDHOOD GRIEF OUT TO THE COLD!!!!"(Maria repeats this chant at a louder and progressively faster pitch, multiple times, in a desperate attempt to eventually release Fred The Wrench from his gut-wrenching, emotionally-scarred, childhood induced, mentally debilitating pain!!!)...

After the tenth time of Maria repeating the chant, Fred's convulsions finally subside, and he lies on the floor completely motionless. A bright magenta beam of light flashes and engulfs Fred's human bodily form. Then the sound of a sweet chorus of angels, along with an echoing sound of distant nitro cackling, fills up the room. Fred then begins to shrink in size, and within seconds, he morphs into a small chrome-plated egg. Then, with another flash of bright magenta light, Fred then morphs into a larva. Then another flash of light appears, turning the larva into a pupa (or chrysalis as some people like to call it)..."There's only one more stage of metaphysical metamorphosis to go," says Maria with reserved optimism "and then Fred with be a stress-free butterfly!!"... "Will he be a big butterfly, since Fred was a big guy??" inquires Peter The Parrot... "No, Peter" replies Maria, "Fred will be made the normal size of a common butterfly."... "That's weird!!!" squawks Peter "I mean, I just can't imagine Fred being smaller than me!!!"...

THEN, the most intense of electrified magenta light fills the room in the wee hours of the night! The sound of a chorus of angels reaches a sustaining hum, and a distant echo of what sounds like a dozen nitro engines, cackling in perfectly-tuned harmony, blends in with the angels' soothing tones! KAAAABOOOM!!!! Fred The Wrench miraculously morphs from the pupa stage into a small, delicate and peaceful purple butterfly, and flies up onto one of the team's spare Chevy big blocks shelved in the shop! Everyone goes silent in awe, then they hear a high pitched voice come from the butterfly's tiny mouth "W-W-What is this?? I'm a butterfly?? H-H-How did this happen?? W-W-What happened to my body?? H-H-How come I sound different???...

Maria walks up to Fred The Wrench, who is now in blessed butterfly form, and says in a soft and loving manner "I used an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant to bring you some much needed peace of mind for the Christmas, Fred."... Then there's a slight pause, and Fred in butterfly form replies, "This is all about me losing my dad's pliers when I was a kid, ain't it? A-A-And him then chucking my Visible V8 model kit Christmas present into the fireplace, ain't it?? I-I-I'm okay with that now, it doesn't seem to bother me anymore."...Maria looks at Fred in his butterfly form and smiles, as tears of joy roll down her cheeks... Peter The Parrot then discreetly squawks to himself, under his breath, out the side of his beak, so that the others can't hear him, "I still hope that we can eventually transform Fred back to being the old Fred we used to know, the big burly, overeating, cumbersome, wisecracking wrench of a man we all knew and loved. That's my only Christmas wish. That's my one and only true Christmas wish that this hot-rodding bird is so desperately, desperately praying for."... Christmas morning breaks and Fred The Wrench flaps his butterfly wings and says, "Now that I'm cured of my childhood Christmas trauma, could I please return to my frumpy, burly-guy, human bodily self???"... Sebastian looks at Maria and asks, "So what's the procedure for bringing Fred back to his old self??... "This is very risky," replies Maria, "it too requires an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant, though if it doesn't work, not only will Fred remain a butterfly, but he will also lose all his valuable mechanical knowledge and know how!!'...

Maria musters all the metaphysical courage she possibly can and begins the chanting "THANK YOU SPIRITS FOR REMOVING FRED'S CHILDHOOD PAIN, BUT AS A DELICATE BUTTERFLY, HE DOES NOT WISH TO REMAIN, PLEASE TRANSFER HIM BACK TO HIS FRUMPY HUMAN PROPORTIONS AND FORM, WITH PEACE IN HIS HEART AND RETURN TO THE NORM!!!" (after the fifteenth repeating of the chant, what sounds like thousands of angels in a collective chorus, harking back to the dawn of creation, along with the sound of hundreds of nitro hemis cackling through the heavens, an all-encompassing  flash of magenta light blinds everyone for a few seconds)... Christmas morning has broken, and all the metaphysical dust has settled. All rub their eyes and try to get their visual bearings back... "IT'S FRED!!! IT'S THE OLD FRED!!! THE FAT, FRUMPY, SLOPPY FRED AGAIN!!!!" squawks an ecstatic  Peter The Parrot as Fred The Wrench stands before them, returned to human bodily form "MY CHRISTMAS WISH CAME TRUE!!! FRED HAS RETURNED TO BEING FRED!!!!"... Sebastian and Maria give Fred The Wrench a big hug. Even the usually reserved Larry Lamb can barely contain his excitement, and joins in for a group hug. Peter The Parrot scoots up on Fred's shoulder and gives him a big kiss with his beak... "THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!" blurts Fred The Wrench "I'M CURED OF MY CHILDHOOD CHRISTMAS TRAUMA, AND I'M SURROUNDED BY MY LOVING DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE FAMILY!!!! YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THIS!!!!"... Our group go on to spend the rest of the day celebrating the holiday in festive fashion, with magnificently-motivated-motorhead-merriment... Larry Lamb hooves it over to the crew's vintage Zenith console stereo, and puts on a cherished Christmas record by his favorite recording vocalist, Bing Crosby, (Larry likes the more traditional smooth crooners of popular music), and he then proceeds to hand out hefty Christmas presents to all his subordinates...


Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, it's good news that Maria's chanting did indeed successfully morph Fred The Wrench, from a violently convulsing, emotional wreck of a man, into a peaceful butterfly, and then, back to his old self, completely free of the trauma he had bottled up inside from when he was just a child on earth, and his father threw his 'Visible V8' Christmas present into the fireplace, as punishment for Fred losing his dad's favorite pair of pliers. THIS IS DEFINITELY A CHRISTMAS TALE WITH AN ENCHANTING ENDING!!! HOWEVER, AS WE ALL KNOW, THE GOOD TIMES DON'T USUALLY LAST VERY LONG 'ROUND THESE PARTS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE EVIL FORCES OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE ARE ALWAYS SOMEHOW  LURKING IN THE SHADOWS!!!! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


PAYING OUR RESPECTS TO DRAG RACING GREAT BOB GLIDDEN...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today let's please collectively pay our sincere respects to the recently deceased Bob Glidden. A drag racer with a career that's spanned more than a quarter of a century, an impressive win record of no less than 85 major event victories, and an amazing total of 10 season championships. The Whiteland, Indiana, native was undeniably the most successful Ford "blue oval" force in the brutally competitive Pro Stock category (arguably the most competitive of all drag racing's professional categories).  The amply accomplished Drag Racing Hall of Fame inductee was also known as being one of the most "fan friendly" of personalities to be found in the pits at NHRA national events. Bob genuinely appreciated all the fans and folks who came out to watch the races. Bob Glidden was 73 years old. Our heartfelt condolences go out to surviving wife Etta, and sons Billy and Rusty.

 

 

Being that I'm a member of the "T-Bird club", I thought I'd post this classic image in memory of Bob Glidden.


MORE WORDS OF CONCERN FOR OUR FRIENDS OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today I feel overwhelmingly compelled to once again write some more words of genuine concern for all our dear brothers and sisters of the drag racing community residing in Southern California. The historically dangerous wildfires that are currently destroying hundreds of thousands of acres are a most disheartening sight to see. With credible news reports of massive mandatory evacuations, power outages, and widespread loss of homes and property, we can only hope that this will all come to an end sooner than later. Let's pray that better containment of the various blazes will become the reality. Despite occasional breaks in the strong Santa Ana winds, it still remains a miserably difficult battle to fight against the fierce and aggressively spreading flames. The Thomas Fire has burned more than 1000 buildings, and is now in its second week of terrorizing local residents. Folks are starting to flee in Santa Barbara and Montecito. Friends in the area who I've recently spoken by phone with, complain of the thick, smoky, unhealthy air that's now become the new normal. We're thinking of all the courageous firefighters who are dueling with this catastrophe in such brutally hot and dry conditions. And of course we mourn the loss of fallen fireman Cory David Iverson. Our condolences to Cory's family. We wish that all affected can find the strength to endure, and be capable of getting back to a somewhat normal existence once this nasty natural disaster comes to a conclusion. Try your best to hang in there for now...

 

 


Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


Today's blog is aimed at helping those of my many readers who actually race on the drag strip... Many drag racing "experts" seem to be in complete agreement with yours truly, that most drag races are won or lost on the starting line, more specifically speaking, as a result of racers quick reactions (or lack of) to the illuminating bulbs on the christmas tree... Your ability to execute a better "reaction time" on the tree, a quicker reaction time than your opponent in the other lane, has a significant bearing as to whether or not you'll be the racer who is handed the winning timeslip -- That's why, as we now enter drag racing's so-called "off season" (in most parts of the country and world), I urge all my racing readers to get more acquainted with some sort of electronic practice tree device. "Practice Trees" come in a variety of forms, from conservatively priced hand-held sized models, to the more pricey full-sized practice trees... No matter where your preference or budget leans, I strongly suggest that you get your hands on some type of practice tree, and spend some of your leisure time, possibly even making a daily routine of it, practicing the sharpening of your reaction time skills. You'll thank me for pushing you in this direction once racing season starts again, and you're able to activate the winlight more than you did last season... Check with your local speed shop or mail order racing merchandise dealer, and find a practice tree that suits your need and buy it... If you already have a practice tree stashed away in your closet, find it, take it out, dust it off and get busy...  Like I said earlier, most drag races are won or lost on the starting line, by who is able to react faster on the christmas tree (and doing so without triggering the dreaded red bulb), so do yourself a big favor, and make friends with a practice tree this winter...  It's an easy thing to do, and it can pay off in winning drag racing dividends...

 

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Drag Racing Underground's official proclamation that December is "DOORSLAMMER APPRECIATION MONTH" resulted in lots of emails. Ed from Leon, ID wrote, "I've bracket raced door cars on and off for close to thirty years. I want to thank Drag Racing Underground for tipping their hat to our lonesome tribe. I love the mean Impala SS in the picture."-- Jason from Cartage, TN said, "Drag Racing Underground's Hot Damn Doorslamming videos are the only proof I need that they mean what they're saying. I'm hot damn doorslammer outlaw in my blood!"...  Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Francesca from all the way in Waure, Belgium  said, "It warmed my heart to see Peter The Parrot show a softer side. He wants his old friend Fred The Wrench back to what he used to be."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I'm not much happy about Fred becoming a butterfly, but I am glad that he's finally gotten over his dad throwing his Visible V8 model kit in the fireplace."... My blog announcing that there will be a new Big Stick full length album in 2018 prompted emails to fly in from all over the map. Elaine from Concord Twp, PA wrote, "I used to play a lot of Big Stick when I was a DJ at college. Please keep us updated on the release." -- David from Baldwin, NY wrote "I like to collect records. That's all I buy, so I'm cool with getting the next Big Stick record on vinyl."... My blog addressing holiday gift giving for gearheads got Henri from Kibler, AR to write, "I already told my wife back in September that I want more Drag Racing Underground videos for Christmas!"... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Alice from Hettinger, ND in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "If Marvin thinks that cyber bulling women makes him macho, he's sadly  mistaken."... My blog wishing Funny Car racer Alexis DeJoria a happy retirement inspired Sasha from Norwich, KS to write, "I hope Alexis enjoys her retirement too. She's a sweet thing of a lady."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


Believe it or not the month of December is finally upon us... Therefore, we here at Drag Racing Underground hereby officially proclaim December as being  "DOORSLAMMER APPRECIATION MONTH"... It's no secret that the Dragsters and Funny Cars get a heck of a lot of starstruck attention in the sport of drag racing. However, those of us who are really in the know, often refer to the door cars as the "silent majority" among the novice fan population -- You see, the truth is, there really are droves more cars with doors competing on the drag strips of the world, than there are floppers and diggers. It is the doorslammers that make up the backbone of straightline accelerating  racing -- There's the street cars, stock & super stockers, bracket cars,comp cars, top sportsman, pro stockers, pro mods, and many other different variations of classes that feature vehicles with working doors. So this December, let's not overlook the doorslammer racers and cars who fill up the pits and storm down the strip. We sincerely honor and salute the wide array of race machinery with doors and those racers and teams who vigorously campaign them.

 

 

December is DOORSLAMMER APPRECIATION MONTH. This mammoth sized Impala SS sure gets our respect!


reak the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. Fred The Wrench exhibited a nervous twitch after hearing leader Larry Lamb say that the next matter of business on the team's agenda is preparing for Christmas... "What's the matter, Fred?!?" asked Larry Lamb, noticing a severe twitching of Fred's eyes... Fred then broke into a fit of emotionally charged trauma, then he dropped like a rock, and began violently rolling on the floor, plunging into intense physical convulsions! All the group ran over to a now frantically convulsing Fred The Wrench. Fred then started bawling out loud like a desperate and distraught baby!... "THIS AIN'T LIKE FRED!!!" squawked Peter The Parrot "HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE OUR BURLY-BEAR TOUGH GUY OF THE TEAM!!! HE SEEMS TO BE HAVING  A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN OR SUMPTHIN!!!"... Sebastian switched into metaphysical mode, spinning at highly accelerating RPMs, and transforming himself into 'Emergency Phantom Racer' phase, in hopes that the added 'Phantom Power' might further facilitate him in helping with Fred's alarming condition...

"AAAAAAARH!!!!" screams out  a frenzied Fred The Wrench, drooling all over his grease-stained flannel shirt, and worn, torn and tattered dungaree overalls, "I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!! PLEASE DON'T LET CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN!!! CAN'T WE JUST GO TO THE DRAGS AND FORGET ABOUT CHRISTMAS!!!  I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!"... “What IS this all about, Fred???" questions Larry Lamb, while grabbing a firm hold of one of Fred's trembling hands... Fred violently twists his ample body into contortions and replies in a rage of sobbing, slobbering anguish  "WHEN I WAS JUST SEVEN YEARS OLD BACK ON EARTH, AND A MERE MORTAL, IT WAS A COLD CHRISTMAS MORNING, AND MY FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A MASTER MECHANIC, JUST DISCOVERED THAT I LOST HIS FAVORITE SLIP-JOINT PLIERS, WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS BUILT A TREE HOUSE IN THE SUMMER--  MY DAD GREW FIERCELY FURIOUS, AND TOOK MY ONLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT, A 1/4 SCALE 'VISIBLE V8' MODEL KIT THAT I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, AND THREW IT IN OUR BURNING FIREPLACE AS PUNISHMENT FOR ME LOSING HIS FAVORITE PAIR OF PLIERS!!! THE VISIBLE V8 MODEL KIT WENT UP IN FLAMES AS I TEARFULLY WATCHED --  IT WAS THE WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY MORTAL LIFE!!!!! I'VE NEVER GOTTEN OVER THAT DAY -- AND WHEN CHRISTMAS ROLLS AROUND EACH YEAR, EVEN HERE IN THE AFTERLIFE, ALL THAT MENTAL MISERY, PAIN AND SUFFERING COMES BACK TO ME!!!!!!"...

Sebastian, now in 'Emergency Phantom Phase', musters the strength to securely put Fred in a restraining 'full nelson' type of wrestling hold, to keep him from physically hurting himself during his severe convulsions... "How do we make Fred's convulsions stop?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "I have an idea," interjects Maria, "it's a long shot, and I've never done it before, but I feel compelled to try it now!!!"... "Try what?!?" asks an anxious Larry Lamb... Maria nervously replies  "An ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical remedy for extreme mental duress that's called 'Butterfly Metamorphosis Therapy'."... "YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO TURN OUR FRUMPY FRED INTO A DELICATE BUTTERFLY?!?" squawks a befuddled Peter... "Yes, Peter," replies Maria, "though it does come with risk, if it doesn't work just right, we could completely lose Fred for all eternity."..."I'm afraid that's a risk we'll have to take." states Larry Lamb with stern authority...

Maria continues, "I will repeat a sacred chant, that will hopefully turn Fred first into an egg, then a larva, then pupa or chrysalis as it's often called, and then, God willing, into a beautiful butterfly, free of all mental trauma and stress, and full of only tranquil and healing peace of mind."... Maria raises her arms up to the heavens, and begins to loudly repeat the ancient metaphysical chant, "FOR OUR DEAREST FRIEND FRED, FOR THE UPCOMING CHRISTMAS DAY, LET HIS CHILDHOOD ANGUISH BE SENT FAR, FAR AWAY -- TRANSFORM HIS BODY, SPIRIT AND SOUL, INTO THE FOUR STAGES OF BUTTERFLY METAMORPHOSIS, LEAVING HIS CHILDHOOD GRIEF OUT TO THE COLD!!!!" (Maria repeats this mystical chant at an amplified and progressively faster pitch, multiple times, in a desperate attempt to eventually release Fred The Wrench from his gut-wrenching, emotionally-scarred, childhood induced, mentally debilitating pain!!!)...

After the thenth time of Maria repeating the strange metaphysical chant, Fred's convulsions appear to finally subside, and he lies on the floor with his eyes shut and body completely motionless. A bright magenta beam of light then flashes down from the heavens and engulfs Fred's human bodily form. Then the sound of a sweet chorus of angels, along with an echoing sound of distant nitro cackling, fills up the team's compound -- It's an audible apparition like no other! Slowly, Fred then begins to shrink in size, and within seconds, he morphs into a chrome plated egg, no bigger than a golf ball... "WOW!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "Is this the beginning of Fred's metaphysical metamorphosis into a butterfly?!?!"... "Yes," replies Maria, catching her breath after an exhausting round of emotionally consuming chanting "So far, so good."...

Sebastian blurts "Not to get ahead of ourselves here, but, if Fred does successfully morph into a tranquil butterfly, free of his childhood Christmas trauma, and no longer stressing about the time when his dad threw his Visible V8 model kit into the burning fireplace, will he ever then be able to return back to his human form again?!?"... "There's no guarantees," says Maria "At this point, we just have to hope that Fred can first make it all the way to becoming a peaceful butterfly."... Larry Lamb chimes in "From what I've seen in the past, this stage of being an egg, and then advancing to the other subsequent stages of butterfly metamorphosis, can go relatively smooth, providing that no evil forces from the darkside try to interrupt the process."... Then, with another flash of bright magenta light, Fred as an egg, then morphs into a larva. Then another flash of light appears, turning the larva into a pupa (or chrysalis as some people like to call it)... "There's only one more stage of metaphysical metamorphosis to go," says Maria with reserved optimism "and then Fred with be a stress-free butterfly!!"... "Will he be a big butterfly, since Fred was a big guy??" inquires Peter The Parrot... "No," replies Maria, "He will be the normal size of a butterfly."... "That's weird!!!" squawks Peter "I mean, I just can't imagine Fred being smaller than me!!!"...

THEN, the most intense of magenta colored flash of light fills the room! The sound of a chorus of angels reaches a pleasant sustaining hum, and a distant echo of what sounds like a dozen or more nitro engines, cackling in perfectly tuned harmony, blends in with the angels' soothing tones! KAAAABOOOM!!!! Fred The Wrench miraculously morphs from the pupa stage into a small, delicate and peaceful butterfly, and flies up onto one of the team's spare Chevy big blocks shelved in the shop! Everyone goes silent in awe, while they then hear a high pitched voice come from the butterfly's tiny mouth "W-W-What is this?? I'm a butterfly?? H-H-How did this happen?? W-W-What happened to my body?? H-H-How come I sound different??... Maria walks up to Fred The Wrench, who is now in some kind of blessed butterfly form, and says in a soft and loving manner "We used an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant to bring you some much needed peace of mind for the Christmas season, Fred."... Then there's a slight pause, and Fred in butterfly form replies, "This is all about me losing my dad's pliers when I was a kid, ain't it? A-A-And him then chucking my Visible V8 model kit Christmas present into the fireplace, ain't it?? I-I-I'm okay with that now, it doesn't seem to bother me anymore.".... Maria looks at Fred in his butterfly form and smiles, as tears of joy roll down her cheeks... Peter The Parrot then discreetly squawks to himself, under his breath, out the side of his beak, so that the others can't hear him, "I still hope that we can eventually transform Fred back to being the old Fred we used to know, the big burly, overeating, cumbersome, wisecracking wrench of a man we all knew and loved. That's my only Christmas wish. That's my one and only true Christmas wish that this hot-rodding bird is so desperately, desperately praying for."...


Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, it's good news that Maria's chanting did indeed successfully morph Fred from a violently convulsing, emotional wreck of a man, into a peaceful butterfly. It appears that now, Fred isn't at all uptight and traumatized by the fact that when he was a kid on earth, his father threw his 'Visible V8' Christmas present into the fireplace, as punishment for Fred losing his dad's favorite pair of pliers. HOWEVER, NOW WE MUST ASK THE QUESTION, MUCH LIKE PETER THE PARROT'S MUTTERING UNDER HIS BREATH, WILL FRED BE ABLE TO EVER RETURN TO HIS OLD FRUMPY, BURLY BEAR, HUMAN-BODIED SELF?!?!? WILL HE?!?! AND WILL THAT HAPPEN IN TIME TO GRANT PETER'S PERSONAL CHRISTMAS WISH?!? PETER WANTS HIS BIG BUDDY BACK FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


YES, VIRGINIA... THERE WILL BE A BRAND NEW BIG STICK RECORD IN 2018!!!

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today I'm posting a borrowed photo from somebody else's vinyl record collection. They've obviously got themselves a few choice Big Stick records in their possession... I thought I'd post this pic, in conjunction with officially announcing that there will FINALLY be a new Big Stick album release in the Spring season of the coming year (2018). That's right, it's been an awful looong time coming, but there are indeed 15 brand-newly recorded, mixed and mastered tracks that will be featured on a brand-spanking-new Big Stick LP-length album. And yes, it will be available on vinyl! And of course it will also be available on CD and all the popular iTune & Spotify type downloadable formats (and it will be made easily available all over the many different global markets and territories). And keep in mind that you can currently download the entire Big Stick back catalog on iTunes, Spotify and most of the popular cyber music sources. We're currently working with DRU's own Mike on getting the artwork, liners notes, and stuff like that together for the new record . As I've indicated on this page in the past, the release features some special guest appearances by some longtime musical friends, including Fred Schneider from the B-52s, Groovie Mann from the TKK, Jerry A. from Poison Idea, Johnny Kelly from Type O Negative/Danzig, Tom Timko, Paula Henderson, and Dave "Smoota" Smith among others... And yes, I promise all my gearhead readers that there's at least one new song on the upcoming album that's of a drag racing related nature. Stay tuned right here and facebook.com/BigStickBand for more developments...

 

 

A borrowed pic of someone else's Big Stick vinyl collection. There will be a brand NEW Big Stick record in 2018! 


ADDRESSING THE ISSUE OF HOLIDAY GIFT GIVING FOR GEARHEADS...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I really do hate much of the blatant toxic commercialism that pollutes the holiday season of late, however, today I'm posting a friendly reminder to my readers regarding our massive catalog of Drag Racing Underground dvds... Drag Racing Underground dvds make spectacular stocking stuffers for you and all the gearheads on your Christmas list -- We have countless customers who can attest to that fact... Order soon so that you get 'em in time for Christmas... Below is a photo of yours truly in the Big Stick studio, holding some great Drag Racing Underground dvds, and despite what you may have read elsewhere on the drag racing internet regarding this picture, I assure you, I am indeed wearing pants, short pants, but pants nonetheless...