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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at their home base. They've been assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, a genuinely breakthrough and revolutionary type of mission, that finally facilitates Maria's longtime, repeated requests to the H.D.R.A. administration to give her the opportunity to drive a race car. Sebastian will be watching from the sidelines, and not be in the driver's seat for this new excursion, due to this new assignment requiring that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program'-- It's a program featuring all female drivers-- and ONLY female drivers-- Nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who don't hesitate to play downright crooked, cockeyed and dirty-- It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a somewhat sleazy and deprived beatnik beach party scene, while serving as one of the darkside's most brutally tough of sand dragster drag racing sanctioned competitions. It's going to be a serious challenge for our team to not get the sand kicked in their faces...

Sebastian and Maria are using the practice sand drag strip track located on the roof of the team's heavenly compound. Maria's occupying the cockpit of one of the practice sand dragsters. Sebastian has instructed Maria on the basics of the car and how to properly operate it. Maria has miraculously taken like a fish to water with only a couple of practice passes under her belt. She seems to have a natural knack for blasting off the starting line, performing much more like a seasoned pro, than a first-time amateur, and then subsequently recording elapsed times that rock the H.D.R.A. record books!... "Wow!!" exclaims Maria after her second pass down the sandy practice strip, "Looks like I'm going to be giving those evil ladies from the Darkside Drag Racing Association a run for their money!!... "Yeah! Looks like I might be out of a driving job 'round here if you keep this up!" replies Sebastian in a half jokingly, though somewhat serious tone "You're a natural at this driving stuff, Maria-- A real natural, kiddo!"...

Leader Larry Lamb's distinguished voice is heard coming out of the compound's powerful PA system "I need the whole crew to report to the teleportation station immediately. We're due to travel to our beach party of debauchery as soon as possible!"... Maria steps out of the practice dragster, as she and Sebastian briskly walk back indoors to the teleportation station. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot proceed to wheel the sand dragster they've prepped for competition from the garage workshop to the teleportation area. The whole team takes their positions with Larry Lamb for teleportation, along with the sand digger and a compact tool box. Larry Lamb then activates the necessary buttons and switches for teleportation... Seconds later, our group find themselves at a rowdy beach party, at a sleazy sand drag strip located somewhere in a darkside parallel universe...

They materialize behind an abandoned food stand, so not to be noticed as teleporting in from a far more respectable and heavenly place. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot push the sand dragster into the crowed pit area, as Sebastian, Larry and Maria walk alongside the car. Already Maria's pink bikini is activating much of the sleazy darkside crowd into spewing out a barrage of lewd catcalls. Maria and the team try their best to maintain their cool, and not appear the least bit appalled or disgusted by the bad behavior, because they have to convincingly play the role of being like-minded darkside low lifes themselves...

"Hey, I never seen youse here before?!? My name's Slitzy" blurts out a bloated beatnik looking ghoul wearing tattered swimming shorts "That's quite a sand dragster youse all got there!"... Maria plays along and responds to Slitzy "Oh yeah, baby! We're ready to rock 'n roll and groove this sandy drag strip!"... Then one of the darkside female drivers named Darla, dressed in a skimpy black and flamed bikini gets right up in Maria's face and dictates with aggressive anger  "I don't thinks you're gonna rock n' roll this party at all. You've got to be as tough as me to rock this party, and I certainly don't see that in you, you wussy-wussy girl!"... "Hey!" interjects Fred The Wrench, while trying his best to muster up a hipster sounding vocal delivery  "Our Maria chick here ain't no slouch, sister!"... "That's right," adds Sebastian, also trying his best to sound like a hedonist hipster "She's outta sight and drives this digger right!"...

"Yeah, we know how to party with the best of 'em!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Oh really, birdbrain?!? We'll see about that!!!" replies the downright dastardly Darla "I gots to get back to my pit and get ready. Eliminations are starting soon-- sooner to put you all on the trailer!!!"...  As Darla and her friend Slitzy then strut away, Larry Lamb speaks under his breath to his crew, "We need to keep talking and behaving like darkside low-lifes, so we don't get detected as coming from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association side of the afterlife. I want us to be able to give it to these creeps good."... "Me too!!" concurs a slightly riled-up Maria "I especially want to blow Darla's doors off!! Who does she think she is talking to me like that?!? All the gals around here look like they have a real attitude problem!!! I can't wait to get seated in our dragster and teach 'em a lesson!!!"... Our group of do-gooders watch in shock as all the grease monkey ghouls at this sleazy sandy drag strip beach party carry on with each other like hedonistic hooligans, but our gang must focus on getting settled in, and preparing for Maria to make her driving debut among these very worst of creepy characters who exist in the deranged darkside of the drag racing afterlife...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, it appears that our team are doing a good job so far of acting and  'fitting in' with the sleazy environment of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's ultra-nasty beach dragster scene. This is finally the opportunity that Maria has long been waiting for-- she's finally going to get a chance to drive, but under conditions that put her as a skimpy bikini wearing, beach digger competitor...  WILL MARIA BE ABLE TO DRIVE HER WAY AROUND DASTARDLY DARLA?!?!.. WE ALL KNOW THAT  MARIA DID A GREAT JOB WHILE DRIVING ON THE SAND STRIP PRACTICE TRACK AT THE TEAM'S HOME BASE, BUT, WILL SHE BE ABLE TO STAY ON HER GAME WHILE UNDER THE EXTREME PRESSURE OF HAVING A  DARKSIDE DAME DRIVER LIKE DARLA  IN THE OPPOSING LANE?!?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we have the trusty Stephanie substituting for The Doc. At this time Doc is either occupied with her Big Stick music related work, and/or her fine-art sculpture related responsibilities (as she will be increasingly frequently over the period of the next several months or so)... We believe that Doc will hopefully be back on the clock for Thursday's edition of this popular blog installment... Of course on Wednesday (tomorrow), we will be running our regularly scheduled 'TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER' feature. Please enjoy Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day... This installment features a photograph that Doc snapped in the pits at the E'Town Summernationals a few weeks back. It's the trick classic Firebird bodied RAD Torque Systems backed Pro Modified ride piloted by Shane Molinari. I thought it'd be a fitting photographic image to feature today, especially since this past weekend, Molinari and his crew clinched their very first ever NHRA national event win at the Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals in Norwalk, Ohio. As those who've been following Doc's drag racing journalism career are aware, she's been a strong proponent and advocate for the Pro Modified community for decades. She was there during Pro Mod's infancy, when the United States Super Circuit used to be booked in for appearances at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in the late 1980's. If Pro Mods and fast dastardly doorslammers are your cup of tea, be sure to check out Drag Racing Underground's "THE MOD SQUAD" and "HOT DAMN DOORSLAMMIN'" dvds-- you can easily do so by clicking on the "VIDEO CATALOG" link at the top center of this page. 

 

 

Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day features Shane Molinari's trick classic Firebird bodied Pro Modified.

 


Congratulations are in order for Steve Torrence and his "Capco Contractors" dragster team for scoring their 4th Top Fuel victory of the 2017 season at this past weekend's 11th annual Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals in Norwalk, Ohio. Torrence and crew are number one in the 2017 points race and appear to possibly be on their way to a championship season. He beat a tough Doug Kalitta in the final with a scorching holeshot... Congratulations also go out to "Fast" Jack Beckman (pictured below) and his "Infinite Hero Foundation" Funny Car team. Beckman drove his Dodge Charger R/T to his second win of the season and his 26th career NHRA flopper victory. He defeated the always tough Robert Hight in Sunday's final... The Pro Stock class saw points leader Bo Butner in his Jim Butner's Auto Chevy Camaro clinch a holeshot win over Greg Anderson in the final round of the hotly contested "factory hot rod" category... Pro Stock Motorcycle had LE Tonglet winning on two wheels, beating Matt Smith in the final pairing. Tonglet aboard his "Nitro Fish Racing" Suzuki now has 3 wins for the season and a total of 13 for his career...

 

 

"Fast" Jack Beckman sure has reason to be cheerful after scoring an NHRA Funny Car victory in Norwalk, Ohio


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

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Tagged in: Untagged 

Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


Today we're proudly showing you a special project coming to Drag Racing Underground for the Summer/Fall season... We're taking a beat-up 1990 Chrysler "Fifth Avenue", and transforming it into a threatening outlaw No/Time race car, and we're going to do so for a combined budget totaling only  $70,000 or less!!... That's right, this is going to be the one drag strip project that will have you completely captivated and amazed... Stay tuned for what the automotive aftermarket merchandising experts are already calling "the most ambitious project car metamorphosis of all time"... We're gonna take you from "Fifth Avenue" to the Outlaw Drag Strip!!...

 

 

This Summer/Fall Drag Racing Underground brings you the race car transformation project of a lifetime!!...


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's installment of Franky's & Felicia's picks for this weekend's Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals in Norwalk, Ohio resulted in a flood of emails. Randy from Buxton, MN said, "I'm with Felicia 100%, I pick Leah Pritchett to win in Norwalk."--  Macoy from Thebes, FL wrote, "I don't blame Franky for having loyalty to Erica Enders. She's going to be winning Pro Stock again soon!"-- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Alex from Delta, CO said, "Franky's stupid stories about his family's trips when he was a kid aren't fascinating they're sickening!"-- Henri from Los Angeles, CA chimed in "Tell Franky that seeing the L.A. Dodgers slaughter his N.Y. Mets was a pleasure for me to watch!" ... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Bertrand from all the way in LeChalon, France said, "Please print a picture of Maria in her beach party racing bikini!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "If Maria takes the driving job away from Sebastian there's going to be an uproar."... Our blog titled 'DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND PROCLAIMS THAT THE MONTH OF JUNE IS OFFICIALLY "JUICE" MONTH" prompted Christopher from Novata, CA  to comment, "Every month is Juice Month in California. This is where nitro racing was first born in the USA!"... My blog congratulating Clay Millican and his team on scoring their first ever Top Fuel victory at Bristol inspired Pappy from Dahlgren, VA to write, "I cried for Millican winning in Tennessee. It was an emotional moment."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Flo from Gillette, WY in a bit of an angry frenzy this week, she wrote "I knew that Marvin was a bad dad. Any father who turns their kids against their mother like Marvin did is scum!"... My blog recognizing the fact that the Summernationals show from E'Town was the most watched broadcast in NHRA history resulted in Lenny from Argusville, ND writing. "The racing on Fox Sports beats the old ESPN shows by miles. Keep up the good work!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND". That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

 


 

Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's 11th Annual Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals at Summit Racing Equipment  Motorsports Park in Norwalk, Ohio. Ya know, Ohio is one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. When I was a little kid, my whole family made the long drive from New York to Ohio to visit the American Football Hall of Fame. We we're having fun until my dad got us kicked out for making a big stink about not seeing enough NY JETS stuff to satisfy his liking. It's a long story that I ain't necessarily sure I wanna tell. I got in some trouble again last night during Billy Joel karaoke at the local bar, some heckler who was visiting from California started yelling at me, making fun of my METS t-shirt, and rubbing it in about the recent game where the Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Mets 12-0. I don't want to go into the details of that story neither.  I dunno-- I just can't stand when people crack wise about the NY METS-- I get really peeved off! Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in Norwalk, Ohio this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! My Top Fuel pick for Norwalk is Leah Pritchett. She's been coming close to the winner's circle lately, this weekend she's gonna make it happen. And like I said many times, she got da best darn eyebrows of any of the other dames in the nitro dragster class. I wish I could get my eyebrows to look like hers-- I really do wish dat quite frequently. Watch Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza powered digger set this weekend on fire in Ohio.

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win at Norwalk.  And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's a shoo-in 'cause she's got multiple wins this year and all that, but I ain't seein' dat happen, dollface. I'm going with Brittany Force and her Monster Energy dragster. I was jumping up and down when she finally won her first event of the year, three Sundays ago at Epping, New Hampshire. I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany again. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for persistently  picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the tough Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!?... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force is a form of blinded prognostication. My pick for Funny Car at the Summit Racing Equipment Nationals is Alexis DeJoria. Her Patron Toyota Camry seems to have its combo gettin' dialed in pretty sweet lately. Alexis might even have enough mojo to give "Flappin' Gums" Capps a run for his money. And I like her a lot more lately, 'cause she proved that she aint's afraid to speak her mind just like a real Queens, New Yawk gal like me. She's a cool cookie! I gots that feeling in my belly that Alexis and her Kalitta teammates are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Alexis DeJoria she's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the gal, BUT the Summit Nationals ain't gonna be her race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is showing me images of Courtney Force in the Norwalk Funny Car winner's circle. She's a strong broad and always qualifying at the top of the field. And she's runner-up'd at this event for the last two years. This year she ain't settling for runner-up, she's goin' all da way, babe! The NHRA season is at the half-way point, and I know that Courtney's got ants in her firepants to score a Norwalk victory! Sure, I'll get called a "fanboy" 'cause of me pickin' a celeb like Courtney, but I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming NHRA Norwalk event. Sorry 'bout dat, even though I admire her for handling a nitro car wit da best of 'em, I don't see her winning in Ohio. And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've repeatedly made a few time already this season, though unlike Franky, at least I ain't been makin' the same Pro Stock pick for the last two years, jeeez!! It seems quite frequently that I get an itch on my shoulder to pick 2nd generation sensation Vincent Nobile for Pro Stock. I like guys from Dix Hills, New Yawk, that town ain't too far away of a drive from our stomping grounds. Nobile and his Mountainview Tire Camaro were just about unstoppable in Englishtown, of course until "Mr. Smarty Pants" Greg Anderson stopped him in the final round. I believe Nobile and crew are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Vincent Nobile is one tough doorslammin' guy, and I like the fact that he's sorta from our neck of the woods, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at Norwalk. And I sure don't appreciate you crackin' wise about my longtime admiration for Erica Enders, Felicia! Once again, you can bet that 'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I'm still psyched about Erica's win at Epping. She proved that ya gotta believe! I know that she wasn't  setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's got her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her Chevy Camaro.  Her reaction times are still fierce.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing dodge ball with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at their home base. They've been assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, a genuinely breakthrough mission, that finally facilitates Maria's longtime, repeated requests to the H.D.R.A. administration to give her the opportunity to drive a race car. Sebastian will be watching from the sidelines and not be in the driver's seat for this new mission, due to this new assignment requiring that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's planet X program-- It's a program featuring all female drivers, ONLY female drivers-- nasty ladies from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife who don't hesitate to play dirty... "Ain't dat da beach dragster bikini league or somethin' like that, boss??" mumbled Fred The Wrench while chomping on a handful of peanuts "I saw somethin' 'bout that scene on yesterday's 'H.D.R.A. TODAY' intelligence briefing program."... "Yes, Fred" replied Larry Lamb "It's a disgusting, dastardly deprived skimpy bikini beach party scene that also serves as one of the darkside's most competitive of sand dragster drag racing events."... "I HAVE TO WEAR A BIKINI AND RACE AGAINST A BUNCH OF DARKSIDE DEPLORABLE GALS AT  A  DRAG RACING BEACH PARTY OF DEPRAVITY?!?" exclaims Maria "OH BROTHER!!!!"... 

"Oh well, I asked for it." says a now more subdued and rational sounding Maria "I'm good with whatever I have to do in order to help curtail the degenerate behavior of the Darkside Drag Racing Association and their crop of wicked racers."... "There's still one other thing you need to know, Maria." says Larry Lamb "All the women drive blindfolded."... "THAT'S  A SICK TWIST!!!" blurts out Maria... "We have a speedy sand digger in stock in the shop." squawks Peter The Parrot... "Yep," concurs Fred The Wrench "I'll refresh the motor."... Fred and Peter waddle off to the shop to prepare a sand dragster for competition... "Go to the wardrobe department, Maria." states Larry Lamb "Get a bikini and a blindfold."... "Will do, boss." replies Maria, as she leaves for the wardrobe department... "What should I do?" asks Sebastian... "Well, since you won't be driving for this assignment, Sebastian," says Larry Lamb "You can play the role as driving instructor to Maria. Take her up on the roof to our practice tracks, use the sand drag strip on the south side, and grab one of the practice sand diggers up there too, and try to give her a crash course in driving."... "Okay." responds Sebastian "When does our  deprived sand dragging beach party race take place?"... "It's tomorrow!" replies Larry Lamb... "Yikes!" says Sebastian as he's taken aback by the lack of prep time...

Maria returns dressed in a pink bikini and matching blindfold  "The wardrobe department already received a work order from the H.D.R.A., and had this bathing suit and blindfold ready for me. The blindfold has a trick, hybrid transparency fabric, that enables me to see through it, hopefully the creeps from the darkside won't catch on to this trick blindfold. I can see perfectly well right through it!"... "That's quite an ingenuous little trick that should certainly give you an advantage over the other blindfolded drivers!" says Larry "Now go get in some serious driving practice with Sebastian."... Maria and Sebastian leave for the rooftop practice track... Larry Lamb stands alone in the conference room, shakes his woolly head a bit, as he's feeling some inner anxiety about this new assignment. Maria's never driven before. The deprived beach party sand dragging event is guaranteed to have some unsavory characters, possibly the worst the Darkside Drag Racing Association has to offer. This is going to be a somewhat overwhelming task for the team. Larry looks up to the heavens and whispers under his breath "Please give me strength-- Please, please give me strength."...

Maria and Sebastian arrive at the rooftop practice sand track. Maria slips into the driving compartment of one of the practice sand dragsters. Sebastian takes about a half hour to instruct her on the basics of the car and how to properly operate it. They fire it up and Maria pulls into the staging beams for her very first trial run on the sandy straight-a-way course. The light turns green and Maria blasts off the starting line much more like a seasoned pro than a first time amateur, and subsequently records a relatively blistering elapsed time. Maria drives up the return road, pulls up next to where Sebastian is standing and shouts from the cockpit "How'd I do?!?"... "Well," replies Sebastian "You cut a perfect light on the tree, AND your elapsed time was only two one thousandths off the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's intergalactic record!"... "REALLY?!?" comes back an enthused and psyched-up Maria "I wanna try another run right away!!"... She pulls into the staging beams again, and repeats yet another perfect reaction time, then storms down the sandy strip, this time breaking both ends of the standing H.D.R.A. record for sand diggers! She drives back up the return road to Sebastian and asks, "How'd I do that time?"... "Um," Sebastian replies, "You once again cut a perfect light on the tree, and this time you gave the H.D.R.A. record books a severe beating!"... "Wow!!" exclaims Maria, "Looks like I'm going to be giving those evil ladies from the Darkside Drag Racing Association a run for their money!!... "Looks like I might be out of a driving job 'round here." replies Sebastian in a half jokingly, though serious tone,  "You're a natural at this driving stuff, Maria-- A real natural, kiddo!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, it appears that this week's episode ends on a more positive note than last week's. Our team are assigned to an all female driver division of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's sleazy beach digger scene, and from the two practice passes that Maria just made, it seems as if she in indeed "a natural" in the driver's seat-- so much so, that Sebastian even made a comment implying that her driving skills might put him out of a job... Yes, this is finally the opportunity that Maria has long been waiting for-- she's finally getting a chance to drive, as a bikini wearing, blindfolded beach digger competitor!!!  WILL MARIA BE ABLE TO DRIVE THE LEWD LADIES FROM THE DARKSIDE ONTO THEIR RESPECTIVE TRAILERS?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


It's official... Here at Drag Racing Underground we are officially proclaiming that June is "JUICE MONTH"!!... For the entire month of June we pay heartfelt tribute and recognize the brash beauty of NITRO drag racing. You see, "Juice" is an old school drag racing term from many moons ago meaning "NITRO". It's no secret that NITRO burning Dragsters and Funny Cars play a significant role in the overall excitement of today's spectacular sport of drag racing. It is NITRO that puts a "cackle" in the tank and provides the added boost that pushes drag racing to the outer limits of all modern motorsports! NITRO or "JUICE" as we're referring to it here, is the chemical liquid additive that causes flames to shoot tall from the headers and makes drag racing a sizzling spectator sport! For all my friends in the Ohio region, please keep in mind that this weekend (June 22nd, 23rd, and 24th) there's going to be a whole lot of emotionally accelerating NITRO racing at Summit Racing Equipment Motorsports Park in Norwalk, Ohio for the NHRA Summit Racing Equipment Nationals! For more detailed information you are cordially invited to visit nhra.com

 

 

NITRO in the tank has a tendency to put cackle in the idle and cause fierce flames to shoot from the headers!


I just want to congratulate longtime dragster stalwart Clay Millican on scoring his very first ever NHRA Top Fuel win during yesterday's final eliminations at the Thunder Valley Nationals at Bristol Dragway in Bristol, Tennessee. Clay is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet in this sport, he's a genuine gentleman. We're all so very glad for him. He thanks David Grubnic and his entire crew for laboring so hard to make yesterday's victory a reality for the Parts Plus/Great Clips sponsored team... Congrats also go out to Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps (as Franky & Felicia often call him) and his NAPA Funny Car crew for racking up their 5th win of the 2017 season. Capps is definitely the man to beat this year-- Looks like he might be on his way to another championship... In the always critically competitive Pro Stock class, congrats are in order for  Alex Laughlin for getting his very first win on the season. Laughlin managed to register a perfect reaction time while beating the ultra-tough Bo Butner in the "factory hot rod" final round...

 

 

Clay Millican sure does have something to be happy about. He scored his first NHRA Top Fuel win in Bristol.