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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at home base after successfully completing another covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. As our group materialized home in the teleportation receiving area, they noticed a sinister shadowy figure rummaging through Larry Lamb's desk... Sebastian immediately took action, running and then jumping the dark figure... "WHERE THE HECK DID IT GO?!?" shouted Sebastian as the eerie entity abruptly vanished from visual sight... "Oh dear," sighed Larry Lamb while checking his desk, "It looks like the creature swiped my recent 'Goals and Aspirations Report' that I prepared for our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. As an agent from the darkside, as I'm sure that creature most certainly is, we can count on those creeps now having a clear outline of our present and future objectives if that information winds up in their corrupt hands--This is NOT good!!"... "What a lousy welcoming home for us!!" squawked Peter The Parrot... "Darn, just when we was lookin' forward to relaxin a little bit!" blurted Fred The Wrench "I'll betcha that creepy spirit must have been a stowaway with that crated Chevy big block motor over there, the one that got delivered here while we was gone on assignment. I ordered it from a questionable speed shop operation that's been recently rumored to harbor some spirits from the darkside in their shipping department. I should have known better than to purchase any motor or parts from them!!!"...

"Aw, c'mon guys," says Maria in an attempt of try to comfort her cohorts, "I'll make some soothing celestial tea-- and a black coffee for Fred, 'cause we all know that Fred doesn't like to drink tea."... Our do-gooders walk into the kitchen lounge, sit down, and Maria begins brewing tea and coffee at the counter... Larry reaches for some Lorna Doone cookies for dunking, and speaks with steadfast seriousness, "I'll bet you that whatever that dark shadow creature actually is-- he, she, or it, is most likely STILL HERE and hiding somewhere!"... Then a loud and ghastly howl reverberates from the adjoining dyno room!!!... "WWWHAT IS IT?!?!?" screams Maria as she nervously spills a tray of hot tea all over Larry's plate of Lorna Doone cookies... "THIS IS A SEVERE RED ALERT SITUATION!!!" shouts Sebastian as everyone stares at the sinister entity... This is easily the most dire case of an unwanted intruder penetrating what's supposed to be the secure confines of our team's living space and racing operations... "THAT GOOEY GHOUL JUST SLIPPED LARRY'S TOP SECRET  REPORT PAPERS INTO A SLIT LOCATED ON THE TOP OF HIS HORRIFYING HEAD!!!" squawks a petrified Peter The Parrot...

"NOW ALL YOUR PLANS TO FIGHT MY ASSOCIATES OF THE DARKSIDE ARE ENTERED INTO MY BRAIN'S MEMORY SAVING ORIFICE!!!!-- AND I WILL NOW RETURN TO MY LEADERS,  AND PLOT THE IMMEDIATE DEMISE OF YOU GEEKY GEARHEAD DO-GOODERS!!!" shouts the imposing creature with added amplified vocal ambiguity!!!... "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO  ESCAPE HERE WITH ALL THAT VALUABLE SENSITIVE INFORMATION!!!" responds Sebastian as he  transforms into full blown  'Phantom' mode "I'LL STOP YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!!!".... Fred The Wrench musters the strength to grab the empty crate that was used to ship the engine and eerie entity stowaway, and quickly hands it over to Sebastian... Then Sebastian lifts the crate up and tosses it with finesse, so it winds up landing on and enclosing the dastardly intruder of the drag racing afterlife's darkside... The creature causes the heavy crate to vibrate violently as it belches out loud cries of angered containment!! Our crew collectively push the crated beast to the teleportation station. Larry Lamb activates the teleportation console, sending the monster directly to the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's central booking and enforcement bureau...

After the demon disappears, Maria subsequently sighs with relief and gains her composure "What do you say we all try to do tea and coffee one more time??"... Fred The Wrench wipes his brow and blurts "I'm exhausted from fighting the low lifes of the darkside!!"... Sebastian chimes in "We'll all feel better after we unwind and decompress our rattled senses."... "I'm sure ready for some relaxation!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Yes, we all need a break. Let's open up a fresh box of Lorna Doone cookies and engage in some pleasant discussion and reflection." adds the distinguished sounding Larry Lamb  "We have paid a lot of tough do-gooder dues over recent days and deserve a break."... "YOU SAID IT, BOSS!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'M DOWNRIGHT POOPED OUT!!"... Everyone shares a collective laugh at Peter's candid remark, then they assemble in a heartfelt group hug. Everyone seems thankful to be back home and secure. For a moment, it does appear that they'll be able to enjoy a stint of easy living. The harmony our group feels between each other is that of a warm and fuzzy nature. They go through such trying times in their quest to bring civility in the face of the darkside's frequent and tormenting efforts of evil. Just like in the mortal world, the afterlife still maintains a struggle between the forces of good and evil. It can be a tiring fight to endure. We are so proud that our crew never waver in their mission of do-gooder oriented celestial based civility enforcement. They prove time and time again that their dedication to fighting the good fight and upholding justice, is their sole selfless enduring goal of their drag racing afterlife...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Yes, we sure are proud of our crew's unwavering dedication to serving the mission of good will and justice in the ever expanding and unpredictable drag racing afterlife. Fortunately our gang were able to re-crate the intruder from the darkside and teleport him to justice. If the ghoul would have been able to return to his darkside base with all the sensitive information in his head (literally and figuratively), the result could have been devastating for our do-gooders. Now they have some peace-- uh, but for how long?!?!? Moments of peace and tranquility are usually short lived in this ongoing metaphysical serial series!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


I'd like to express thoughts, prayers and concern for all our friends in the Midwestern and Southern regions of our nation who recently endured a brutal blow from "Mother Nature's" nasty wrath of wicked weather... It's reported that at least 14 people have died as a result of terrible twisters and flash flooding across four states. What a horrible way for so many communities to start off the month of May. Seeing photos of the carnage in Canton, Texas is nothing short of  chilling, along with parts of Arkansas and Mississippi as well. Tornadoes and flooding have sure taken their toll on the spirits of large numbers of innocent people. We all hope that the recovery initiative kicks in strong and that the rebuilding process will be aggressive and successful, putting folks back on their feet sooner than later... On an unrelated note, I've been asked by "Big Jim" to inform everyone that we will be featuring our regularly scheduled TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER series in tomorrow's (Wednesday's) blog installment...

 

 


I have a lot of Big Stick music oriented work crowding my plate today, but I do want to take a brief moment to quickly congratulate the racers who wound up on the top of the heap at this past weekend's 8th annual NHRA Four-Wide Nationals a zMAX Dragway in Concord, North Carolina... Congratulations to the always unassuming, though ultra-tough Steve Torrence on capturing his first Top Fuel win of the 2017 season in his Capco Construction dragster... Kudos to current Funny Car champ Ron Capps and his NAPA team for dominating another weekend of NHRA racing in Carolina. Needless to say, our own Felicia of "Franky & Felicia" fame predicted both last weekend's and this weekend's victory for Capps & Company. She's sure doing a lot better with her predictions so far this season than her "hunky" Franky soulmate is... Cheers to Chris McGaha on handling the Pro Stock field and coming up with his first zMAX win piloting the Harlow Sammons Chevy Camaro... And I can't forget to congratulate my longtime  friend and local-guy-done-good Mike Castellana on nabbing the fist win ever for the Pro Modified category's running at the Four-Wide event... Congratulations to all the pro and sportsman teams that made history at zMAX this past weekend...

 

 

Congrats to Steve Torrence and team on their first Four-Wide Nationals Top Fuel victory this past weekend.


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

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Tagged in: Untagged 

Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent, that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


We all express our deep sympathy to Shirley Muldowney, due to the passing of her's and her late ex-husband Jack Muldowney's beloved son John Muldowney...  John Muldowney succumbed to a blood clot on Thursday evening at the age of 59. Losing a child is rough. John Muldowney, the once little kid who grew up around drag racing super stardom, became a respected fabricator in his own right. From the contact I've had with John over the years, I came to understand the often emotional place where he was coming from in regard to how he perceived the ongoing saga of his mom Shirley's life and career. When Shirley had a medical scare several months ago, I created a banner online to boost the spirit of Shirley and her fans, and I recall how happy John was to show it off and post it himself online. I firmly believe that John's love for his mom was deep, enduring and eternal. He was a good man who genuinely cared about Shirley. May Your Spirit Rest Easy And In Complete Peace John Muldowney...

 

 

In lieu of flowers Shirley Muldowney asks friends and fans to consider making a donation to Shirley's Kids, the 501(c)(3) charity created in her honor that helps kids in need at various stops on the NHRA tour. Donations can be made at Shirleyskids.org

From young childhood through adulthood, beloved son John Muldowney always loved his mother Shirley dearly.


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Franky's & Felicia's predictions for this weekend's NHRA 4WIDE NATIONALS in North Carolina prompted lots of responses. Doris from Greenville, NC said, "I can appreciate Franky's joke about how us lazy rednecks here in North Carolina don't like making the effort to use our turn signals! Franky is ******* funny! I'm glad him and his old lady are back!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Oscar from Jupiter FL writes, "I don't care about Franky's problems over METS injuries or Felicia's opinion of Leah Pritchett's eyebrows. Those two dweebs need to be gone from drag racing for good!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Plutca from all the way in New Guinea said, "Just when the team thinks they will enjoy relaxing recreation, they get spooked by evil spirits!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Next time I order a crated engine for delivery, I'll be sure to make certain there isn't a ghoul from the drag racing darkside hidden as a stowaway in the crate! I hope Sebastian can overcome this creep!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Our blog proclaiming that APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH made Brant from Camerillo, CA  say, "I understand Doc's position on recognizing the science and application of aerodynamics in drag racing. But when the extreme aerodynamics makes the cars look like jellybeans, not so much!"-- Aaron from Hyattsville, MD chimed in, "Thanks to Doc for bringing mass awareness to aerodynamics."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Theresa from Neptune, NJ in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Marvin sucks! I hate that scum of a man!"... My blog titled 'WHY EARTH DAY SHOULD MATTER FOR THE DRAG RACING COMMUNITY' prompted Sherman from Ada, OH to say, "Some of my drag racing friends think Earth Day is rubbish, but I do agree with Doc that it's important to not destroy our planet."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


 

 Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA  4WIDE NATIONALS happening at zMAX Dragway in Concord, North Carolina, one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. I've only been to North Carolina once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family went out there for my cousin Bud's 5th grade graduation. My whole family loved the way it's easier to drive if you wanna be lazy, 'cause ya don't have to use dem damn pesky turn signals if ya don't want to... I ain't one to gloat, but I'm glad Mike & Barbara got the shaft. Mike and Barbara were snooty posers in my opinion. I sure didn't like the way they thought they were so much better than Felicia and me, with their so-called "scientific" formula of predicting winners. And I sure don't appreciate the way they made fun of my METS, or love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke at the bars. I know that Felicia and me occasionally get put on  probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever. And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about so many of my NY METS players having injuries and gettin' benched. That really hurts me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in North Carolina this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I'm happy that Drag Racing Underground dropped the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for the 4WIDE NATIONALS is Leah Pritchett. Winning three events so far this season is sending a message that she's top dog of the nitro dragsters. And her enchanting eyebrows are still the best of all the racin' womens. I went to the beauty parlor with a pic of Leah, showed it to my girl, and told her THAT'S what I want MY eyebrows to look like-- My girl told me that she couldn't give me eyebrows like Leah Pritchett's, 'cause she says that Leah is super gifted in the eyebrow department and I aint's.

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win in Concord, North Carolina this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's got the most gorgeous eyebrows in drag racing, but no way will lady luck be on her side for a fourth weekend this early in the season. I'm going with Brittany Force and her team's Monster Energy dragster. I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for frequently picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the 4WIDE field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force 'cause of what da people are calling your "fanboy tendencies" is slightly blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know Brittany can be a blast when she's all dialed in, but I still don't think she'll win the 4WIDE, if she does win, I'll buy you a case of that energy drink stuff she's sellin' on the sides of her digger. How's that suit ya, Franky?!? Once again, just like last week, my Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. I think I got my first winning pick of the season last week, predicting Capps winning at the SpringNationals! So not only has "Flappin' Gums" Capps finally clinched a championship last year, but it also looks like he could very well wiggle his way to winning the championship this season too. I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and the NAPA crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the 4WIDE Nationals ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is doing what it so often does, it's zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle! And don't be surprised if you see her put Capps on the trailer early on Sunday. Sure, I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my frequent support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming 4WIDE event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race of the early NHRA  2017 season, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've made in the past, only when I did so in the past, the driver never won, but now, with Bo Butner finally coming through with his first NHRA win in Texas last week, maybe he's right where he and his team need to be to repeat the winning process for two in a row. You're darn straight that my bet's on team Butner! I think Bo and his crew are gonna be unstoppable in Texas. I believe they're gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Bo Butner is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at the 4WIDE NATIONALS. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she wasn't exactly setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod'-- It's so much better than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing checkers with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team successfully completed another covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, to bust a drag strip in an alternative universe, that was functioning as a corrupt front for an illegal seafood poaching operation. Our crew got the job done thanks to Sebastian driving their '64 Plymouth Belvedere to victory over "Clawhammer Curtis", and his slick Jet Ford Cobra. Then when our gang went to put the cuffs on "Clawhammer" and his poaching cronies, Clawhammer and his crew metaphysically morphed into crabs... "Ya see," said  Clawhammer, now speaking as a small crawling crab, "Me and my boys are the lost souls of seafood poaching seasons past. We were once illegally poached seafood ourselves, and when we were mercilessly boiled alive in a big pot, during a teen bonfire on the beach, our spirits escaped the pain and became the racing men of the afterlife that you saw us as just before."... Larry Lamb interjected with empathy  "I'm sure the court of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association will take all your hardship and suffering into consideration when deciding your detention sentences."...

Clawhammer twitched his crab claws, then proclaimed "I want Fred The Wrench to have my Cobra as a gift. I won't be needing it in my current physical state and where I'm going. And even though I ribbed Fred pretty badly before, I could tell that he's a guy who has his heart in the right place with this drag racing stuff. I want Fred to have my prized Cobra car."... "I-I-I don't know what to say," responded a somber Fred The Wrench, "Truth is, Ford Cobras have long been one of my all-time favorite Ford muscle cars-- but hey, uh, why don't we just consider it a gift on loan while you do your time, Clawhammer-- I'll do some modifications to it while yer in da joint, so that when you get out, I'll give it back to you with even more heaping horsepower and torrid torque!!"... "Thanks, Fred!" Clawhammer responds, "I believe when I'm released, the authorities will permit me to live the rest of eternity in a more human like form again."...  It's an awkward situation, when the so-called good guys and the so-called bad guys have more of a blur between them and their ethical convictions than a clear black and white line... Larry Lamb teleportated Clawhammer and his crony crabs to central booking at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association... Then Larry Lamb activated teleportation for our crew and their Belvedere, as well as their newly acquired Jet Ford Cobra to back home at base headquarters...

As our group and their cars materialize in the teleportation receiving area at their home base, they notice a sinister shadowy figure going through Larry Lamb's desk... Sebastian immediately takes action, running and jumping the dark figure... "WHERE THE HECK DID IT GO?!?" shouts Sebastian as the eerie entity vanishes from visual sight... "Oh dear," sighs Larry Lamb while then checking his desk, "It looks like the creature swiped my recent 'goals and aspirations report' that I prepared for our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. As an agent from the darkside, as I'm sure that creature most certainly is, we can count on those creeps now having a clear outline of our present and future objectives if that information falls into their hands--This is NOT good!!"... "What a lousy welcoming home moment for us!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Darn, just when we was lookin' forward to relaxin a little bit!" blurts Fred The Wrench "I'll betcha that creepy spirit must have been a stowaway with that crated Chevy big block motor over there, the one that got delivered here while we was gone on assignment!! I ordered it from a questionable speed shop operation that's been recently rumored to harbor some spirits from the darkside in their shipping department. I should have known better than to purchase any speed goodies from them!!!"...

"Aw, c'mon guys," says Maria in an obvious attempt of try to comfort her cohorts, "I'll make us some of my soothing celestial tea-- and a strong black coffee for Fred, 'cause we all know that Fred doesn't like tea."... Our do-gooders then walk into the kitchen lounge, and sit down, as Maria begins brewing tea and coffee at the counter... Larry reaches for some Lorna Doone cookies for dunking in his tea, and speaks with steadfast seriousness, "I'll bet you that whatever that dark shadow creature actually is, he, she, or it, is probably still here hiding somewhere."... THEN A LOUD AND GHASTLY HOWL REVERBERATES FROM THE ADJOINING DYNO ROOM!!!... "WWWHAT IS IT?!?!?" screams Maria as she nervously spills a tray of hot tea all over Larry's prized Lorna Doone cookies... "THIS IS SERIOUS!!!" shouts an unsettled Sebastian as everyone stares at the ghoulish entity, "THIS IS EASILY THE MOST VICIOUS BEAST TO EVER INVADE OUR HEADQUARTER BASE!!!!"... "HE JUST SLIPPED LARRY'S REPORT PAPERS INTO A SEETHING SLIT LOCATED ON THE TOP OF HIS HORRIFYING HEAD!!!" squawks a petrified Peter The Parrot... "NOW ALL YOUR PLANS TO FIGHT MY ASSOCIATES OF THE DARKSIDE ARE ENTERED INTO MY BRAIN'S ORIFICE!!!!-- AND I WILL NOW RETURN TO MY LEWD LEADERS,  AND PLOT THE DEMISE OF YOU GEEKY GEARHEAD DO-GOODERS!!!" shouts the imposing creature with incredibly amplified vocal ambiguity!!!... "YOU ARE NOT  ESCAPING HERE WITH ALL THAT VALUABLE INFORMATION!!!" responds Sebastian as he metaphysically morphs into 'Phantom' mode, "I'LL STOP YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!!!"....

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Just when our gang thought returning home after a tough mission would result in some peaceful rest and relaxation time, they find an eerie entity from the darkside invading their space!! Fred The Wrench seems to believe the creepy creature arrived as a stowaway in a crated motor package that was delivered while our crew were gone working in the field. And the fact that the sinister being swiped Larry Lamb's newest 'goals and aspirations report', means that if that information gets in the hands of the drag racing afterlife's darkside, there's going to be plenty of of trouble for our group!!! CAN THE CREATURE BE STOPPED?!?!? THIS IS SO DARN DANGEROUS OF A SITUATION THAT WE FEAR IF SEBASTIAN DOES TRY HIS BEST TO STOP THE ENTITY, IT COULD INDEED BE "THE LAST THING HE'LL EVER DO"!!!!...  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we're glad to present our newest educational media campaign... Drag Racing Underground officially announces that APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH... That's right, we're promoting this campaign to encourage today's youth to appreciate the science of aerodynamics and how same science applies to the sport of drag racing... Aerodynamics is the study of the motion of air around a solid object, particularly its interaction with same solid object (such as a race car when storming down the drag strip). Aerodynamics is also the study concerning the forces of drag and lift in conjunction with performance. We hope that youngins will find the study and applications of aerodynamics to be interesting and enlightening, and that it will also encourage them to seek lifetime careers related to the critical science. I am aware that there's a growing movement in America that says "Science is our Enemy" or something stupid and ridiculous like that, however, nothing could be further from the truth-- science is our friend and is needed to make our world a better place...  Below is a photo from a few seasons back at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's NHRA Summernationals event. We see Chip King's turbocharged Hemi-powered '69 Dodge Daytona. There's no denying that aerodynamics play a major role in the performance of this streamlined Pro Modified hot rod...

 

 

Drag Racing Underground announces our APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH campaign


Don't have much time to blab on the blog today due to some pressing Big Stick related work I've got to tend to, however, I do want to take a brief moment to congratulate Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza team on their third Top Fuel victory of the 2017 season at this past weekend's NHRA SpringNationals at Royal Purple Raceway in Baytown, Texas. Evidently the lady with "the most enchanting eyebrows in drag racing" is really on her game now that she has substantial financial backing and resources. And Leah definitely proves the point that Shirley Muldowney said to me several years ago, "There IS a place for women in this sport". It's also worth noting that Leah in now ranked No#1 in the NHRA Top Fuel points standings. Congrats also go to Ron Capps who dominated the nitro Funny Car contingent with his NAPA sponsored flopper. As you probably already know, Capps was the 2016 NHRA F/C champ, hmm, maybe he's got a reasonable chance of repeating his championship this 2017 season??... And of course congrats go to Bo Butner on clinching his very first ever NHRA national event Pro Stock victory, according to Drag Racing Underground's own "controversial" NHRA prognosticator Felicia, it will not be his last-- Felicia's been singing the praises of Bo's Pro Stock winning potential for the last year or so... And congrats to ALL the racers who walked away in the various Sportsman classes with "Wallys" at the SpringNationals...

 

 

Controversial NHRA prognosticator Felicia says Leah's got the "most enchanting eyebrows in drag racing", Leah's now also a 3 time winner so far this 2017 season after this past weekend's SpringNationals victory. And she's rated No.#1 in the Top Fuel field.