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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary type of do-gooder mission, that finally facilitates Maria's longtime, repeated requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the overdue opportunity to actually drive a bona-fide race car. Sebastian's watching from the sidelines for this mission, not occupying the driver's seat for this latest excursion, due to this new assignment requiring the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program'-- It's a program featuring all female drivers-- ONLY female drivers-- Nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who race and play in a downright dirty fiendish fashion. It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy and beatnik "beach party" scene of extreme depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's most brutally tough of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. It's a truly rough, roguish, sandy and sinister drag racing scene!!...

 Our group have teleported themselves and their sand dragster to the rowdy beach party, located at a sleazy sand drag strip in a completely darkside dominated parallel universe... A  gruesome gurgling voice blares out of the strip's cryptic PA system "ALL CHICKS TO THE STAGING LANES NOW!! ELIMINATIONS ARE ABOUT TO COMMENCE!!! OUR FIRST PAIR WILL BE NEWCOMER MARIA  VS. BEATNIK CHICK-SAND DRAG CHAMPION 'DASTARDLY DARLA'!!! AND REMEMBER THAT ALL CHICKS MUST RACE BLINDFOLDED AS PER THE NEW AMENDMENT ADDITION TO THE DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S OFFICIAL RULE BOOK!!"... A pink bikini wearing Maria slips into the cockpit of her sand dragster and puts on her blindfold. Keep in mind that her blindfold has been metaphysically engineered by our team's sophisticated wardrobe department, to allow Maria to see clearly through it, despite the fact that it appears to be a solid pink fabric. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot push the car with Maria in it up to the staging lanes. 'Dastardly Darla' is already there, seated in her slick n' sinister sand digger...

"Hey, Maria!" Darla shouts "I sure hope you know how to drive blindfolded" as she puts her black blindfold over her equally blackened eerie eyes... "Oh, don't you worry about me," Maria replies with a sassy tone "I could beat you with a bucket over my head, girl!"... Larry Lamb and our gang are genuinely impressed by Maria's ability to play the role of a tough low-life lady... Darla's sleazy beatnik mechanic and sidekick, Slitzy, then blurts out "Whaddaya say we make a wager on this race to make things more interesting??"... "What kind of wager?" inquires Maria... "The loser has to eat a 6 foot beach sand submarine sandwich!" replies Slitzy... "EEEEEWW!!" says Maria, as she sort of steps out of the 'tough girl' persona she's so successfully portrayed so far... Then in an attempt to quickly gain back some sleazy, depraved, street-fighter kind of credibility, Maria switches her personality projecting gears and says "Awww, what the heck, that sounds like a good wager to me. I hope Darla likes digesting all that grimy beach sand slapped on a sub sandwich after I beat her silly!!!!"... Maria makes a final adjustment to her trick blindfold and braces herself for the sand digger duel...  "Okay, fire 'em up!" says a ghastly looking member of the starting line staff... Both Maria and Darla activate their respective rides, and the sound of cackle echoes throughout the overcast beach. Shabby looking grandstands constructed from worn and brittle beachwood are filled to capacity with drooling creepy beatnik ghouls...

The girls do their sandy burnouts. Darla's burnout is a little squirrelly, since it seems that she can't see through her blindfold like Maria can see through hers. Maria's burnout blows the creepy crowd away with its sand-kicking aggressiveness. Then the gals get pushed into the staging beams... The tension is so thick you can cut it with the proverbial knife. Since the ladies are blindfolded, they can't use the standard christmas tree, instead, the strip's PA system cranks up the volume, and a gurgling announcer's voice shouts a countdown to launch the ladies to race "10 - 9 - 8 -7 - 6 - 5 -4 -3 -2 -1!!!!"... Both ladies lean into it and leave the line with a heavy foot!!... The sand diggers are in extremely close parity as they blitz off the starting line. Even though Darla supposedly can't see through her blindfold, it appears that her sand dragging experience is helping her stay on par with Maria as they reach the 1/8th mile mark. Darla then gets a lead of a few feet as they race into the final stretch of the sandy strip. Maria tries desperately to tweak out one last accelerating stab of horsepower on the pedal-- and manages to even out the duel-- AND THEN-- Maria successfully activates the win light by mere inches!!!!!... The dragsters pop parachutes and proceed to eventually slow down to a stop. Both Maria and Darla then rip off their blindfolds and emerge out of their dragster's cockpits...

'Dastardly Darla' aggressively storms toward Maria and shouts "I HAD A SAND FLEA CRAWL UP MY NOSE AT THE 1000 FOOT MARK-- I-I-I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE!!!!"... Darla's standing mean and firm in her black flamed bold bikini... A more subdued Maria in her pink bikini rapidly replies in a tough girl tone  "Whatever, whatever, you're the one who is going to be eating a 6 foot beach sand submarine sandwich, Darla!!"... Team leader Larry Lamb, Fred The Wrench, Sebastian, and Peter The Parrot are all in awe of Maria's ability to convincingly fit-in and play her roughneck role in this depraved racing arena. The fans in the grandstands are bloodthirsty to see loser Darla eat the mammoth-sized sand-filled sub sandwich, as a ghastly track official hands one to 'Dastardly Darla' to devour as per the girls' unusual racing wager!! This is the most hedonistic race wager we've ever witnessed in the drag racing afterlife!! Darla opens her mouth wide and bites into the long sandwich made with nothing but a heaping quantity of grimy beach sand-- she then spins her green-tinted head in manic rotations and devours the entire 6 foot sandwich in a matter of seconds!! This seems to excite the creepy capacity crowd into a frenzy!! Then beatnik music starts playing loudly over the PA system and a party atmosphere of depraved debauchery ensues!!... "Uh, I'm gettin' a little uncomfortable with this situation and where this, ahem,  party seems to be going." Maria says under her breath to her fellow teammates... SURE, IT'S GREAT AND WONDERFUL THAT MARIA JUST WON THE SAND DRAGSTER DUEL -- BUT IS THIS DARKSIDE "BEACH PARTY" NOW GOING WAY TOO FREAKY FAR FOR OUR DO-GOODERS TO ENDURE?!?!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  It seems as if we all have reason to be getting a bit "uncomfortable" with the dastardly direction this so-called "beach party" is going!!! The loud beatnik tunes blaring out of the sand strip's PA system is having a strong sickly seductive affect on the already ghoulish crowd!!! Their bad behavior is advancing even further into a darker shade of debauchery and unsettling depravity!!! Can Maria and our do-gooder crew maintain their ability to convincingly fit-in as "low lifes"?!?!?-- OR will they soon reach their limit in being able to "play along" with all these depraved darkside creeps at this belligerent beach party gone completely bonkers?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


This is something that comes from the mind of my longtime friend, fast doorslammer racer, advocate and promoter Dave Hance. Yes, the same Dave Hance who created the spectacular "SHAKEDOWN" racing series. Below I posted his proposed rules for what he cleverly calls a "NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8th MILE PRO MOD CLASS". I ask that all you racers and fans of dastardly doorslammer competition take a moment to read it, absorb it, and consider the possibilities and viability of Dave's proposed concept -- because quite frankly, I believe it's a pretty darn good idea...


"Ladies & Gentlemen of the PRO MOD WORLD.... LET US ALL WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE 2018 a GREAT year WORLD WIDE for 1/8th Mile Heads-Up Pro Mod Racing !! Today there is a GREAT1/4mile rule package in place that allows all Three (3) power adders to compete for the WIN...The best racing in the world occurs when everybody adder has the ability to WIN on race Day. Hats off to the NHRA on a GREAT Program and a GREAT rules package. If your running 1/4 Mile Pro Mod class anywhere in the WORLD I highly recommend you run NHRA rules.

And NOW the TIME has come for 1/8th mile Pro Mod Programs WORLD-WIDE to UNITE behind a COMMON set of rules that will have ALL THREE (3) Power Adders Racing each other in the 1/8th mile. The GOAL of this NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8TH Mile class should be all power adders have a reasonable change or expectation to WIN on raceday. Ladies & Gentlemen I know this will NOT be easy to figure out and I know it will TAKE TIME to get final package worked out.... But I believe the future growth and fate of our heads up 1/8th Mile Pro Mod classes would be best served if we ALL GET ON THE SAME PAGE WORLD-WIDE. Every other sport world-wide has common rules....Baseball has 3 strikes no matter where in the World you play it.... for 2018 if your running a Pro Mod in 1/8th mile action the RULES should be the SAME in the USA, Middle East, Europe, South America, Canada and everywhere else in the World where there is racing. COMMON WORLD WIDE RULES Need to HAPPEN for 2018 and in those rules ALL the Power adders need to race each other !

This new potential NEW WORLD ORDER Pro Mod class would become the standard rule package for ALL Tracks and Racing Associations running 1/8th Mile Heads Up Pro Mod Action.

PROPOSED NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8TH MILE PRO MOD RULES:

NITROUS- 2,375LBS 5.3MAXBORESPACE
ENTRIES USING 799 C.I. OR LESS DED 100LB
SMALL BLOCK NITROUS - DED 375LBS

BLOWN: BASE WEIGHT 2,550LBS ROOTS BLOWN NO OD LIMIT
SCREW BLOWN 2550LBS ?? I need help here as I don't understand how to limit a screw...any help with this would be greatly appreciated.

TURBO: BASE WEIGHT: 2600LBS / 94MMMAX TURBO SIZE
ENTRIES USING 88MM TURBOS DEDUCT 100LBS

When commenting on rules try to envision a class where ALL 3 power adders have the ability to run 3.70-3.80 range.

For 2018 let the entire PRO MOD WORLD unite behind JUST 2 SETS OF RULES:

IF an association is running 1/4 mile PLEASE USE Current NHRA PRO MOD RULE PACKAGE.

IF an association is running 1/8th mile please use NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8th mile rule package which has NOT been finalized yet but will be soon !!

We ask anybody with a stake or interest in Pro Mod Type Racing ( including fans, sponsors, crew members, media & anybody else ) to please get behind this NEW direction. Thank you."

 

 

Racer, promoter & advocate for a "NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8 MILE PRO MOD CLASS" Dave Hance & yours truly.


This sure as heck is an NHRA season of the "repeating winners"...  2016 NHRA Funny Car champion Ron Capps and his trusty NAPA crew scored their sixth win of the 2017 season yesterday at the Fallen Patriots NHRA Nationals at Route 66 Raceway in Elwood, Illinois. An unbelievable 6th trip to the winner's circle for points leader Capps and his Dodge Charger nitro flopper, proves that Ron could very well be on his way to his second NHRA championship... Another driver who has his finger on the "repeat" button is Top Fuel stalwart Steve Torrence. The Rt. 66 race saw Torrence and his Capco Construction dragster team secure their fifth win of the 2017 NHRA tour. Torrence is on the warpath!... Pro Stock Motorcycle threat LE Tonglet clinched his fourth 2017 season "Wally" at the Fallen Patriots Nationals. Tonglet's the two-wheeled points leader with his slick Nitro Fish Suzuki... Drew Skillman "only" scored his first victory of the season in the Pro Stock category, making him the 9th different winner of the class in 13 different events. It was his 4th career win. Driving the Skillman Chevy Camaro, he defeated Erica Enders in her Elite Motorsports Camaro in the final round doorslammer duel (I guess DRU race predictor Frankie should be considerably happy about Erica making it to the finals at the Rt. 66 race)... In two weeks the NHRA roadshow plays at Bandimere Speedway for the Mopar Mile-High Nationals -- Will the streak of "repeat winners" stay the course?!?-- Or will we see some different names in the win column?!? -- We'll just have to wait and see, folks... Hang on to your seats, this is one sizzling NHRA season!!!...

 

 

Ron Capps and his NAPA nitro Funny Car gang scored their sixth win of the 2017 season at Route 66 Raceway


Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


PLAN TO BE AT E'TOWN'S 'OLD TIME DRAGS' EVENT SUNDAY JULY 23RD!!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

The 38th Annual E'Town OLD TIME DRAGS & ROD RUN is coming up soon on the calendar, on Sunday July 23rd!!! I sure hope that you're making plans to be at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, NJ for this old school drag racing spectacular! There's going to be a wide variety of nostalgia themed rides filling the pits and storming the strip-- Dragsters, Funny Cars, Altereds, The East Coast Gassers, Stockers, Muscle Cars, Hot Rods, Street Rods, etc, etc... This event is open to all 1987 or older vehicles. The North East Timing Organization will once again be on the property with their fleet of fabulous speedy classics. Ida's Top 5 will be chosen by hot rod legends Bob & Rob Ida. The 422 All Stars will be making an appearance. There's going to be memorabilia and vendors with all kinds of groovy stuff. I highly recommend this event for your entire family and all different generations, because this event is known as being one of the most "family friendly" of all the nostalgia races! It's a blast from the past -- a time traveling experience you definitely do not want to miss! The OLD TIME DRAGS is the longest running nostalgia drag racing event in the entire nation! Gates open 8am, time trials 10am, eliminations 1pm. BE THERE!!!... For more information please visit racewaypark.com

 

 

Makes plans now to be at E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS nostalgia event on Sunday July 23rd!! BE THERE!!!


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's installment of Franky's & Felicia's picks for this weekend's Fallen Patriots NHRA Nationals at Route 66 Raceway in Elwood, Illinois resulted in a flood of emails. Stosh from Vancouver, WA said, "Felicia's picks are finally making sense to me."--  Jason from Lindenhurst, NY wrote, "Franky's loyalty to the NY Mets reminds me of my late grandfather. He lived in Queens too."-- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Andrias of Windsor Ontario, Canada said, "Why does Felicia make such a big deal complimenting Leah Pritchett's eyebrows? What's that got to do with her driving?"-- Carla from Elshah, IL chimed in "Being a native of Illinois, I find Franky's story about his family driving all the way from NY to Illinois to get a prairie dog for his little sister to be the stupidest thing I've ever read in my entire life! Where did you find these freaks?" ... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Juliet from all the way in Andalusia, Spain said, "Your story is making me and my girlfriends want to have a bikini sand dragster race for my next birthday!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Isn't Maria's using of a see-thru blindfold for the sand dragster race cheating? Or is dastardly Darla also using a see-thru blindfold? I wouldn't doubt it."... My official 'HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY'  blog prompted Mila from Lyons, NE to comment, "Doc is right about America needing to remain a democracy. Unfortunately I don't think that's what is now happening to our country."-- Billy from Mankato, KS said, "I love the stars and stripes patriotic painted AMC AMX in the photo. That's always been my dream car."... My blogs talking about how great last weekend's DIGS AT E'TOWN was, stirred up lots of encouraging comments, Peter from Eatontown, NJ wrote, "My first trip to THE DIGS was one of the best drag races I've experienced. The Gasser show was incredible!"-- Kenneth from Cranford, NJ said, "Meeting Doc at THE DIGS was the highlight of my Summer. She signed my t-shirt and talked with me. She's a good ambassador for drag racing!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND". That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's 20th Annual Fallen Patriots NHRA Nationals presented by K&N at Route 66 Raceway in Elwood, Illinois.  Ya know, Illinois is one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. When I was a little kid, my whole family made the long drive from New Yawk to Illinois, 'cause my bratty little sister insisted on wanting a genuine prairie dog from the state of Illinois, 'cause Illinois is known as the so-called 'Official Prairie State of America'. It was fun until one of the park rangers told my family that we can't just snatch up one of their prairie dogs and bring 'im home to New Yawk with us. My dad got into a fight with the park ranger and had to spend a night in jail. It's a long story that I ain't necessarily sure I wanna tell. I got in trouble again last night during Billy Joel karaoke at the local bar, some heckler started making fun of my METS t-shirt, and rubbing it in about the team's long disabled players list.  I don't want to go into the details of that story neither.  I dunno-- I just can't stand when people crack wise about the NY METS-- I get really peeved off! Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in Elwood, Illinois this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! My Top Fuel pick for Illinois is Leah Pritchett. She's been coming close to the winner's circle lately, she made it all the way to the semi finals at the previous NHRA event, the Summit Racing Equipment Nationals in Norwalk, Ohio. I thinks that this weekend she's gonna make it happen. And like I said many times, she got da best darn eyebrows of any of the other dames in the nitro dragster class. I wish I could get my eyebrows to look like hers-- I really do wish dat quite frequently. Watch Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza powered digger set this weekend on fire at Route 66!

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win at Route 66.  And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's a shoo-in 'cause she's got multiple wins this year and made it all the way to the semis in Norwalk, but I ain't seein' dat happen, dollface. I'm going with Brittany Force and her Monster Energy dragster. I was jumping up and down when she finally won her first event of the year, four Sundays ago at Epping, New Hampshire. And don't overlook the fact that she made it to the semis in Norwalk, before losing to event winner Steve Torrence, and yeah, Torrence gets on my nerves 'cause of how when he came to Englishtown, he was wearin' a Yankees cap instead of a Mets cap, that really peeved me off! I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany again. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for persistently picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the tough Fallen Patriots Nationals field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!?... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force is a form of blinded prognostication. Ya know, she might be trading in her dragster for a Flooper ride in da future -- That's what my secret sources are telling me.  My pick for Funny Car at the Fallen Patriot Nationals is Alexis DeJoria. Her Patron Toyota Camry seems to have its combo gettin' dialed in pretty sweet lately. She made it to the second round at Norwalk, so that aint's too shabby. Alexis has more than enough mojo to give the rest of the field a run for their money. And I like her a lot more lately, 'cause she proved that she aint's afraid to speak her mind just like like me. She's a cool cookie! I gots that feeling in my belly that Alexis and her teammates are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Alexis DeJoria she's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the gal, BUT the Route 66 scene ain't gonna be her race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is showing me images of Courtney Force in the Illinois Funny Car winner's circle. She's a strong broad and always qualifying at the top of the field.  She's goin' all da way, babe! The NHRA season is just past the half-way point, and I know that Courtney's got ants in her firepants to score a victory! Sure, I'll get called a "fanboy" 'cause of me pickin' a celeb like Courtney, but I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming NHRA event. Sorry 'bout dat, even though I admire her for handling a nitro car wit da best of 'em, I don't see her winning in Illinois. And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've repeatedly made a few time already this season, though unlike Franky, at least I ain't been makin' the same Pro Stock pick for the last two years, jeeez!! I got an itch on my shoulder to pick 2nd generation sensation Vincent Nobile for Pro Stock. I like guys from Dix Hills, New Yawk, that town ain't too far away of a drive from our stomping grounds. Nobile and his Mountainview Tire Camaro were just about unstoppable a few weeks back in Englishtown, and he made it to the second round at Norwalk before event winner Bo Butner got in his way. I believe Nobile and crew are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Vincent Nobile is one tough doorslammin' guy, and I like the fact that he's sorta from our neck of the woods, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note in Illinois. And I sure don't appreciate you crackin' wise about my longtime admiration for Erica Enders, Felicia! Once again, you can bet that 'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I'm still psyched about Erica's win at Epping. She proved that ya gotta believe! I know that she wasn't  setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's got her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her Chevy Camaro.  Her reaction times are still fierce, even though she redlighted to your hero boy Nobile in Norwalk.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing kiddie poker with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary type of mission, that finally facilitates Maria's longtime, repeated requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the opportunity to actually drive a race car. Sebastian's watching from the sidelines, and isn't occupying the driver's seat for this new excursion, due to this new assignment requiring that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program'-- It's a program featuring all female drivers-- ONLY female drivers-- Nasty tough gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who do not hesitate to race and play in a downright dirty fashion!  It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy and beatnik beach party scene of extreme depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's most brutally tough of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. It's a serious challenge for our team to not get the sand kicked in their faces for this one...

 Our group have teleported themselves and their own sand dragster to the rowdy beach party, at a sleazy sand drag strip located  in a darkside parallel universe portal... "Hey, I never seen youse here before?!? My name's Slitzy" blurts out a bloated beatnik ghoul wearing tattered swimming shorts "That's quite a sand dragster youse all got there!"... Maria plays along and responds "Oh yeah, baby! We're ready to rock 'n roll and groove this sandy drag strip!"... Then one of the darkside female drivers named Darla, dressed in a skimpy black and flamed bikini gets right up in Maria's face and dictates  "I don't thinks you're gonna rock n' roll this party at all. You've got to be as tough as me to rock this party, and I certainly don't see that in you, you wussy girl!"... "Hey!" interjects Fred The Wrench, while trying his best to muster up a hipster sounding vocal delivery  "Our Maria chick here ain't no slouch, sister!"... Sebastian adds, while also trying his best to sound like a hedonist hipster "Maria's outta sight and drives this digger right!"...

"We know how to party with the best of 'em!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Oh really, birdbrain?!? We'll see about that!!!" replies the dastardly Darla "I gots to get back to my pit and get prepped. Eliminations are starting soon-- sooner to put you all on the trailer!!!"...  As Darla and her friend Slitzy strut away, leader Larry Lamb speaks to his crew, "We need to keep talking and behaving like low-lifes, so we don't get detected as coming from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association side of the afterlife."... "Gotcha, boss!" concurs Maria dressed in a bright pink bikini "I want to blow Darla's doors off!!"... Our group of do-gooders watch in shock as all the grease monkey ghouls at this sleazy sandy drag strip beach party carry on with each other like hedonistic hooligans. Our gang get settled in, and prepare for Maria to make her driving debut among these creepy characters who exist in the deranged darkside of the drag racing afterlife. Minutes later a gurgling voice blares out of the sandy strip's PA system "ALL CHICKS TO THE STAGING LANES!! ELIMINATIONS ARE ABOUT TO COMMENCE!!! OUR FIRST PAIR WILL BE NEWCOMER MARIA  VS. HIPPY CHICK SAND DRAG CHAMPION 'DASTARDLY DARLA'!!! AND REMEMBER THAT ALL CHICKS MUST RACE BLINDFOLDED AS PER THE NEW AMENDMENTS TO THE DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S RULE BOOK!!!!"...

Maria slips into the cockpit of her sand dragster and puts on her blindfold. Keep in mind that her blindfold has been engineered to allow her to see clearly  through it, despite the fact that it appears to be a solid pink fabric... "I tell ya," says Maria "This whole racing while blindfolded rule is a pretty sick idea!"... "Yes it is, Maria." replies Sebastian as he helps Maria get situated in the driver's seat "But you've got to understand that these darkside racers have a very sick and demented mindset, no matter what they're doing."... Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot grab hold of the digger's roll bar and push the car with Maria in it up to front of the staging lanes. 'Dastardly Darla' is already there, seated in her slick and sinister looking sand digger. "Hey, Maria!" she shouts "I hope you know how to drive blindfolded" as she puts her black blindfold over her blackened eyes... "Oh, don't you worry about me," Maria replies with an intentional sassy tone "I could beat you with a bucket over my head, girl!"... Larry Lamb rolls his eyes, surprised, though genuinely impressed by Maria's ability to play the role of a tough low-life lady... "Okay, fire 'em up!" says a ghastly looking member of the starting line staff... Both Maria and Darla activate their respective rides and the sound of cackle echoes throughout the beach. The shabby grandstands constructed from beach wood that looks worn down from thousands of years of water wear, are filled to capacity with creepy beatnik characters of the darkside drag racing afterlife. The girls do their sandy burnouts. Darla's burnout is a little squirrelly, since it seems that she can't see through her blindfold like Maria can with hers. Maria's burnout blows the crowd away with its sand kicking aggressiveness. Then the gals get pushed into the staging beams... THE TENSION IS SO THICK THAT YOU CAN CUT IT WITH A KNIFE!!!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, it appears that our team have so far successfully been able to 'fit in' with the sleazy environment of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's ultra-hedonistic beach dragster scene. This is finally the opportunity that Maria has long been waiting for-- she's finally getting a chance to drive, as a skimpy bikini wearing, bona-fide beach digger competitor!!... Both Maria and 'Dastardly Darla" are getting in the stage beams and are only seconds away from dueling down the sandy drag strip!!!  WILL MARIA BE ABLE TO DRIVE HER WAY AROUND DASTARDLY DARLA?!?!... WE ALL KNOW THAT  MARIA DID A GREAT JOB WHILE DRIVING ON THE SAND STRIP PRACTICE TRACK AT THE TEAM'S HOME BASE, BUT, WILL SHE BE ABLE TO STAY ON HER GAME WHILE UNDER THE EXTREME PRESSURE OF HAVING AN EXPERIENCED  DARKSIDE DAME DRIVER LIKE DARLA  IN THE OPPOSING LANE?!?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


I want to send happy Fourth of July wishes to you today. We hope that we can somehow maintain a reasonable degree of independence, democracy, freedom of speech, and all the valuable liberties we've grown to cherish as a nation. I also hope that we can enter an age of more unity and a collective sense of compassion for each other (it seems like we've been slightly lacking in that department of late)... And please, please, try to keep an eye on the youngins as we celebrate our country's independence. Try to avoid the kind of mishaps and catastrophic consequences that often result when kids get their hands on dangerous fireworks-- It's no fun spending the 4th with your family in the hospital emergency waiting room... Watch yourself on the roads and highways today if you're traveling, unfortunately this is a holiday when our nation's "bad drivers" are usually out in force... Be good and kind to each other. Celebrate the Fourth in a safe and sane fashion, because come tomorrow, you'll be glad that you did...

 

 


Yesterday's "SUPER SURFING BLAST OFF" at THE DIGS AT E'TOWN was indeed a blast! The old school & traditional drag racing series kicked off at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's 1/8th mile drag strip with sunny weather, an incredible car count and droves of enthusiastic race fans. I certainly can't think of a better way to have celebrated America's birthday than spending yesterday at THE DIGS!! Cool bands like Black Cats NYC performed live for the packed crowd. There was such an eclectic variety of old school drag racing machinery that showed up for THE DIGS' 2017 season debut! There were plenty of spectacular speedy surprises! Everyone in attendance experienced THE DIGS  "family friendly"  nostalgia hot rodding environment, no matter what their age or "generational status"--  I had the chance to connect with lots of old and new friends. Below I posted a pit pic of one of the many entries, the "Potential H-Bomb" dragster, a circa 1966 bodied and chassis car with a potent Chevy 396 planted between the frame rails. The digger is driven by Jim Slovak and crewed by Keith Soden. They managed to record high mile per hour among the "backseat drivers club". And I want to thank the guys for the groovy "Potential H-Bomb" t-shirts they laid on me.... The Gassers, Funny Cars, diggers, stockers, roadsters, customs, rat rides-- ALL the many different kinds of cars that packed the pits and stormed the strip made for one of the best times I've ever had at the drags... THE DIGS nostalgia series had an incredible banner year last season, with record breaking car counts and spectator attendance, and from what I saw yesterday, it looks like this season, it's even becoming more popular!!!...  Here's the remaining 2017  "DIGS" dates -- Sunday August 27th is HOT FUN SUNDAY, and then on Sunday October 29th is the DEAD MAN'S CURVE MONSTER BASH season finale-- please take a brief moment to mark your calendar now with one or more of these dates and make plans to "BE THERE"!!... The gates open for each event at 9am in the morning and the action goes on until around 4pm in the afternoon... Being that it all happens at the 1/8th mile strip, please use the airport gate#4 entrance... Free tech card with paid adult admission for all pre-1965 hot rods, customs and U.S. bikes, Detroit muscle cars & street freaks thru 1979. Adult admission is $12, Kids 6-12 $6, Kids 5 years of age and under are FREE... For more details and further information please visit www.racewaypark.com



The "Potential "H-Bomb" digger was one of many groovy rides at yesterday's DIGS AT E'TOWN nostalgia drags.