Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...
Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA 4WIDE NATIONALS happening at zMAX Dragway in Concord, North Carolina, one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. I've only been to North Carolina once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family went out there for my cousin Bud's 5th grade graduation. My whole family loved the way it's easier to drive if you wanna be lazy, 'cause ya don't have to use dem damn pesky turn signals if ya don't want to... I ain't one to gloat, but I'm glad Mike & Barbara got the shaft. Mike and Barbara were snooty posers in my opinion. I sure didn't like the way they thought they were so much better than Felicia and me, with their so-called "scientific" formula of predicting winners. And I sure don't appreciate the way they made fun of my METS, or love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke at the bars. I know that Felicia and me occasionally get put on probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever. And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about so many of my NY METS players having injuries and gettin' benched. That really hurts me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in North Carolina this weekend!
Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I'm happy that Drag Racing Underground dropped the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for the 4WIDE NATIONALS is Leah Pritchett. Winning three events so far this season is sending a message that she's top dog of the nitro dragsters. And her enchanting eyebrows are still the best of all the racin' womens. I went to the beauty parlor with a pic of Leah, showed it to my girl, and told her THAT'S what I want MY eyebrows to look like-- My girl told me that she couldn't give me eyebrows like Leah Pritchett's, 'cause she says that Leah is super gifted in the eyebrow department and I aint's.
Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win in Concord, North Carolina this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's got the most gorgeous eyebrows in drag racing, but no way will lady luck be on her side for a fourth weekend this early in the season. I'm going with Brittany Force and her team's Monster Energy dragster. I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for frequently picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the 4WIDE field!
Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force 'cause of what da people are calling your "fanboy tendencies" is slightly blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know Brittany can be a blast when she's all dialed in, but I still don't think she'll win the 4WIDE, if she does win, I'll buy you a case of that energy drink stuff she's sellin' on the sides of her digger. How's that suit ya, Franky?!? Once again, just like last week, my Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. I think I got my first winning pick of the season last week, predicting Capps winning at the SpringNationals! So not only has "Flappin' Gums" Capps finally clinched a championship last year, but it also looks like he could very well wiggle his way to winning the championship this season too. I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and the NAPA crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??
Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the 4WIDE Nationals ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is doing what it so often does, it's zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle! And don't be surprised if you see her put Capps on the trailer early on Sunday. Sure, I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my frequent support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!
Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming 4WIDE event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race of the early NHRA 2017 season, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've made in the past, only when I did so in the past, the driver never won, but now, with Bo Butner finally coming through with his first NHRA win in Texas last week, maybe he's right where he and his team need to be to repeat the winning process for two in a row. You're darn straight that my bet's on team Butner! I think Bo and his crew are gonna be unstoppable in Texas. I believe they're gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!
Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Bo Butner is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at the 4WIDE NATIONALS. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she wasn't exactly setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod'-- It's so much better than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year. And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing checkers with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.
Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.
Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.