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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

I would like to wish each and every single one of you reading this blog today a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm so appreciative for all my many friends in the drag racing community. I adore all my extended family from Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. Kudos to my Drag Racing Underground cohorts, including "Big Jim" Sorensen, Mike Muchacho, Gerard, Linda, my assistant and occasional blog substitute Stephanie, and our most downright reluctant member of the team John Gill... I feel compelled to thank all my friends who've helped my Big Stick music thing FINALLY wrap up the recording, mixing and mastering of our way-overdue album. We've recently secured a great record deal from a prestigious label in the United Kingdom -- plans are for a Spring 2018 UK, European & Asian album release -- and yes, it WILL be available on vinyl. Thanks to the following music folks for contributing their skills and talents to the album: Fred Schneider from the B52s, Groovie Mann & Buzz McCoy from TKK, Johnny Kelly from Type O Negative/Danzig, Jerry A from Poison Idea, Paula Henderson, Tom Timko, Dave Smoota Smith, Alicia Rau, Satoru Ohashi, John Thompson, Shawn Banks, Mark B. Lopez, Eric Rachel, and all the others too numerous to mention. Keep in mind that you can listen to the entire Big Stick back catalog on Spotify, iTunes, and most of the other popular cyber download places... In closing, please consider, if you're able to, the thought of reaching out to someone who might be less fortunate than yourself on this Thanksgiving Day. It's my opinion that the holidays should bring out the very best in all of us. Showing love, compassion and kindness on this day will surely fill your heart with joy and satisfaction. Happy Thanksgiving wishes to one and all... Be good and gracious to each other...

 

 

Yours truly in the studio. I'm thankful the Big Stick LP is FINALLY finished & will be released in 2018.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are all together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. They recently went through a trying time related to what was originally a happy-spirited , seasonal Halloween party, that eventually went way-sinister, scary and completely sour. However, thanks to the heroic efforts of Sebastian, successfully transforming himself into 'Phantom Racer' mode, they managed to get a handle on the unsettling situation, and survive it. The turbulent happenings of that event makes it questionable as to whether or not the Heavenly Drag Racing  Association will allow any Halloween type of activities to take place next year. This was the first year ever, that the H.D.R.A. permitted their afterlife members to celebrate what was supposed to be a 'trial period' of  'wholesome Halloween fun', but with that all turning so gruesomely corrupt, due to an abrupt infiltration by an operative from the Darkside Drag Racing Association, it's anyone's guess, if there will ever be permission granted by the H.D.R.A. to initiate Halloween themed fun and folly again... When all the proverbial dust settled, and the compound was safely secured, team leader, Larry Lamb, ordered everyone to their respective quarters to rest up for the night, and recharge their batteries (figuratively speaking).

The next morning everyone files into the compound's kitchen for coffee... "Holy Gooey Gummy Bears!" squawks Peter The Parrot looking at the kitchen calendar, "Just when Halloween wraps up, it's already Thanksgiving!"... "Yep," replies Maria as she rubs her eyes and shuffles to the coffee brewer, "Today IS Thanksgiving! What does everyone want to eat later for Thanksgiving dinner??"... "Uh," blurts Fred The Wrench with a hint of cynical sarcasm, "Aren't ya supposed to eat turkey for Thanksgiving? That seems like the natural choice in my humble opinion."... "Hold it right there, Freddy-boy!!" interjects a clearly offended Peter The Parrot, "No way are we going to eat a BIRD for Thanksgiving!! NO WAY, BUB!!!"... "Well, then," comes back Fred The Wrench, as he stuffs a donut in his mouth, "what would YOU suggest we eat for Thanksgiving dinner, Peter???"... "I can whip up my special jello cake" squawks back Peter The Parrot... "Jello cake??" questions Sebastian... "Yeah!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I've got a jello cake mold stashed under my bed that's shaped like a Chevy big block engine, and you can put all kinds of cool ingredients in the jello mold to make it festive and fun to eat!"... "Oh brother," shrugs Fred The Wrench, "besides the fact you can make it in the shape of a Chevy big block, which is kinda cool, there ain't much else that makes that idea sound appetizing to me."

Larry Lamb reaches up and grabs a fresh box of Lorna-Doone shortbread cookies from the kitchen cupboard (regular readers of this series are well aware that Lorna-Doones are Larry's favorite brand of cookie, and he often enjoys a few for breakfast, especially due to the tasty shortbread treat's dunk-a-bility). Maria has some pancakes in the skillet for her and Sebastian... Larry Lamb seats himself at the table, and dunks his first Lorna Doone cookie, looks at his subordinates, and says, "I can understand Peter's objection to serving a bird for Thanksgiving. I mean, with me being a lamb, I certainly would be aghast at the idea of eating lamb shanks for Thanksgiving, so it all makes sense to me."... "Ok, boss," replies Fred The Wrench, "but who wants to eat jello for Thanksgiving?!?"... "Listen up, Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I can put stuff in the jello cake to make it more appetizing to your Thanksgiving sensibilities!"... "Oh, yeah??" say Fred, "Like what?? -- Like what do you think you could possibly put in your jello cake to make me want to eat it on Thanksgiving?!?"...

Peter The Parrot pauses for a moment, looking like he's in deep thought, and replies, "I'll tell ya what ingredients I can put in my jello cake to make it more appetizing for ya, Fred! I can put in cabbage, radishes, oregano, tomatoes, sesame seeds, noodles, asparagus tips, raisins, soy sauce, mushrooms, dijon mustard, zucchini, peppers, horseradish, onion soup mix, clam juice, spinach, uh, how does ALL THAT sound, Freddy-boy??"... "DISGUSTING!!!"  says Fred The Wrench as he cringes at the thought of Peter's crass culinary concoction "I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A BIG-BLOCK CHEVY ENGINE SHAPED JELLO CAKE MOLD OR NOT -- YOUR DUMB, BIRD-BRAINED IDEA DEFINITELY DOES NOT APPEAL TO ME ONE SINGLE BIT, PETER!!!"...

Larry Lamb interjects, "Listen, I have an idea. Through the magic of telepathic telekinesis, I'll order our Thanksgiving dinner from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, we'll order a generous platter that doesn't feature any bird or lamb, and then have it materialize at our teleportation chamber just in time for Thanksgiving dinner."... "No offense, Peter" says Maria, "but the boss' idea is the best idea I've heard so far for planning our Thanksgiving dinner."... "I agree," chimes in, Sebastian, "and I'll tell you what, Peter, you can still make your big block Chevy molded jello cake for desert, but just put fruity ingredients in it, the kind of stuff that's supposed to be in a jello cake!"... "Yeah," concurs Fred The Wrench, "Don't be puttin' any onion soup mix, cabbage or horseradish in your jello cake, Peter! That's gross!!"... "Alright, alright" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'll create a more standard jello cake that we can all have for dessert."

Hours pass by, and it's finally time for Thanksgiving dinner. Larry Lamb places his order telepathically with the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, and in the blink of an eye, it metaphysically materializes at the teleportation chamber ... "Mmmmm" says Fred The Wrench as he catches a whiff of the festive Thanksgiving platter, "it sure smells good!"... "It sure does!" adds Maria, "I made some homemade holistic cranberry sauce that we can have with it."... Larry Lamb carries the platter over to the compound's formal dining room, and Larry, Maria, Fred The Wrench, and Sebastian seat themselves at the table... "Hey!" exclaims Maria, "Where's Peter?!?"... Then to everyone's surprise, Peter The Parrot walks into the dining room, with what looks like a cracked and broken up, big-block Chevy molded jello cake.. "WHAT HAPPENED, PETER???" asks a befuddled Sebastian "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR BIG-BLOCK CHEVY ENGINE SHAPED JELLO CAKE?!?"... "Yeah," adds Maria, "it looks like a complete mess!!!"... "Evidently," squawks Peter The Parrot, "when I put it in the freezer to harden up, the pineapple chunks must have exploded and BLOWN A GASKET, THREW OUT A ROD AND CRACKED THE WHOLE BLOCK!!!"... Everyone takes a brief pause and then laugh out loud at Peter's failed and collapsed big-block Chevy engine jello cake... "Not to worry, Peter" says a calming Larry Lamb, "I ordered a deluxe pumpkin pie, just in case your jello cake would have this sort of mishap."... Peter The Parrot takes it all in stride and seats himself with the group... Our gang of drag racing afterlife do-gooders proceed to have an enjoyable and intimate Thanksgiving dinner... Larry Lamb raises a glass and makes a toast, "Here's to all of you, who are far more than just my trusty drag racing afterlife subordinates, who are also my dear friends, and my family."... Everyone joins in on the toast and share a heartfelt moment of collective joy, appreciation and thankfulness...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Despite Peter The Parrot's big-block Chevy molded jello cake dessert imploding, exploding, and collapsing into inedible jello cake carnage, our gang got past that mishap, and were able to share a warm and heartfelt Thanksgiving meal. It was a good thing that leader Larry Lamb had the foresight to add a pumpkin pie to his order from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, so our do-gooders still had something sweet for dessert.  Yes, all is warm, cozy and joyful on this Thanksgiving Day -- BUT AS WE ALL WELL KNOW, JUST WHEN YOU THINK OUR GANG IS HAVING A BREAK FROM THE UNPREDICTABLE MISCHIEF THAT COMES FROM THE DASTARDLY DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION, SOMETHING CREEPY ALWAYS LURKS JUST 'ROUND THE CORNER, AND SPOILS THE SANE SERENITY!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today I'm going out on a limb, addressing a subject and point of view that lots of people in the drag racing business and community will most likely (secretly) agree with me on, however, admittedly, I'm pretty darn sure that my words typed here, that I'm dictating over the telephone to my trusty assistant Stephanie, will have zero to little affect on the overall situation... Well, anyways, whatever, for what it's worth, here it goes... I genuinely long for the days when the sport and culture of drag racing was far less inhibited and uptight, back when there was no hesitation whatsoever for a racer to give their race car a name. You know what I'm talking about, when you see photos of race cars from the 1960s and 1970s, most of 'em have a catchy name painted on the side panels, a unique identity, maybe even a cleverly designed and painted cartoonish caricature to correspond with the car's name... I firmly believe it was that particular aspect of drag racing that was greatly responsible for attracting so much of America's youth to subsequently fall in love with, and follow the sport of drag racing -- People like that sort of catchy creativity, or at least they, uh, used to, I think... And yes, I understand that racing today requires so much money, that racers have to dedicate practically all the space on their car's body to providing signage for their sponsors, because quite frankly, if it wasn't for their sponsors, there's no way in heck they could afford to campaign a race car -- yeah, I get that argument... But gee whiz, golly gooey gummy bears, wouldn't it be nice if the practice of giving cars a name could come back and become the norm again?? I know, I know, I'm only dreaming, and I'll probably get a handful of nasty emails from the usual internet snerts telling me to "shut the **** up" and stop "rocking the boat"... Oh well... Below is a photograph of the Black & Linblad "Green Hornet" Mustang. This is an example of what I'm longing for, cars with groovy names. This is a prime sample of drag racing's more colorful, less uptight and inhibited past...

 

 

There's just something so darn cool about a drag racing car with a name. Here's a groovy blast from the past.


The management of Drag Racing Underground presents guest blogger Mary Murray. She's an opinionated woman from the northwest. Truth is that Doc is mighty busy of late with her Big Stick music duties and her sculpture pursuits, so we figure giving Mary a crack as a substitute blogger might be a good idea. Being that Drag Racing Underground is known as the strongest advocate for free speech among drag racing web sites, we're willing to give this outspoken lady a guest spot when Doc is too busy to blog. Please keep in mind that the thoughts and opinions expressed by Mary Murray with her MARY's MOUTHPIECE blog submissions do not necessarily reflect those of Drag Racing Underground. Without further ado, we give you Mary Murray...


HEY YOU GUYS!!! Wake up and smell the coffee! Drink the coffee and then have another cup on me. I'm Mary. I going to put my cards right on the table. I am happy as a kitty in a yarn warehouse to be able to communicate with you once again on the drag racing web page best known for insightful thought and unrestricted freedom of expression. My last appearance here caused what I've been told to be an "unprecedented amount of negative emails" sent to the Drag Racing Underground bosses. And I was told that many of the emails were of an "extremely severely angry nature"... Yes, I understand that when I express my opinions, they don't always jive with everyone else, but that's just how this bold lady rolls-- Anyways-- Today I want to share with you, all my unbridled joy for my hunk of a hero John Force's Racing Team. So many cynical, self-absorbed, know-it-all, wisecrackers are reported to write in to Drag Racing Underground continuously mocking me, and insisting that John Force and his team of racers are "all washed up", and should retire from drag racing and be "put out to pasture"-- HA!! I say!! That's phooey dooey huey balderdash!! 'Cause it just so happens that John "Brute" Force, even in his current elderly years, managed to finish a respectable 7th among the top ten Funny Car stars for NHRA's 2017 season... And oh, team member, and president of John Force Racing, Robert Hight, finished NUMBER ONE in the 2017 Funny Car points race, with his Auto Club of Southern California Chevrolet Camaro SS!! This is Hight's 2nd Mello Yello Funny Car championship!!... Courtney Force, one of John's three lovely daughters, finished an impressive third in the 2017 NHRA Funny Car points with her Advance Auto Parts Camaro. AND, let's not forget, the "baby" of John's three girls, Brittany Force, scored her very first NHRA Top Fuel Championship this season!!! That's right, Brittany, with the help of master mechanical whiz, Alan Johnson, and her crack Monster Energy drink crew, pulled out the top seat from under the butt of Steve Torrence, and made drag racing history. Brittany's the first woman to win an NHRA Top Fuel championship in decades!!!  Not too shabby, all you snooty smartypants naysayers!!! That sure doesn't sound like a team of "washed up" racers to me! John Force and his team still have the proverbial "right stuff" to go rounds and make it to the winner's circle -- even to the top of the heap championship spot in the case of Robert Hight and Brittany!!!... I want to end this here blog with a very special message for everyone. We all love cheap clothes and electronics bargains, but can we all please join the fight against overseas child slavery, and do our part to eliminate child slave labor in our lifetime. Thank you...

 

 


Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


As "Old Man Winter" is on our doorstep  (at least here in the northeast), I thought I'd dedicate today's blog to offering up some respect and recognition to all the racers and team members who I've witnessed go far beyond the normal call of duty, especially lately, as 'Mother Nature's" been dropping her temperatures during the slightly chilled Autumn season of drag racing... Just last Sunday, when I was a Old Bridge Township Raceway Park, and the temps were barely breaking the 45 degree mark, there were still a healthy heaping of race participants occupying both the track's 1/8th mile strip for THE DIGS nostalgia season finale, as well as over at the 1/4 mile track for the No/Time Nationals -- That really impressed me, and demonstrated the true-grit, grass roots gumption that so many drag racers have embedded in their soul and spirit. There really are a tough group of gearheads with a true "need for speed", and they were present at Englishtown last weekend. I want to show my appreciation for all you racers, no matter where you're located on the map, all you racers who show up at your local strips, even when the weather is far from "ideal" in terms of motorsport conditions. I want to express to all you breed of racers, that you are the embodiment of what this hardcore drag racing mindset is all about. I sincerely salute you all and thank you for your service to the sport of drag racing...

 

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog announcing that Drag Racing Underground officially proclaims November as being "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH" resulted in lots of emails. Ralph from Ennis, TX wrote, "Kudos to Doc for recognizing how hard our racers work on the NHRA tour. I used to be a crew guy for many years. I agree with Doc that being a professional driver isn't always as glamorous as it appears." -- On the far other side of the opinion fence, "Angry Gary" from Monroe, MI scribes "Give me a break. Another fluff piece from Doc. Who does she think she's fooling? Those pampered NHRA pro racers have it made in the shade!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Unni from all the way in Fauske, Norway said, "Thank God that Sebastian was able to transform into the Phantom Racer and get rid of that scary Mantis monster!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I'll bet that next year we see the Heavenly Drag Racing Association return to their strict no Halloween activities policy."... My blog summarizing my trip to Raceway Park last Sunday for THE DIGS AT E'TOWN's nostalgia "Monster Bash" and the No/Time Nationals prompted Paula from Elberon, NJ  to say, "The weather at The Digs could have been a little warmer, but my family still had a great time. Meeting Doc and having her sign my son's baseball cap was the icing on the cake. I love the nostalgia drag racing." -- Deano from Newark, NJ wrote, "Thanks to Doc for stopping by our pit at the No/Time Nationals. Her long support of us outlaw racers has always helped."...  Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Ellen from Pembroke Pines, FL in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Why would Marvin have the gall to call Doc a dingbat on her own blog page? He's a very sick puppy and a cyber bully!"... My editorial addressing the issue of our veterans suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for my Veterans Day blog inspired so many of you to write in with your own personal heart wrenching stories. Simon from Warmego, KS wrote, "I served a couple tours of duty in the middle east with the Marines. PTSD is something that I now live with each day of my life. I can't tell you how much us military vets appreciate Doc bringing attention to our problem. We need much more help than we're getting from the ******** in Washington DC."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


With the grueling 2017 NHRA season finally wrapped up and logged in the history books, we decided that here at Drag Racing Underground, that we'd officially proclaim November as being "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH". Let's face it, for all the racers who compete in NHRA's seasonal points championship, it ain't exactly a walk in the park, quite to the contrary, it's actually a long physically and emotionally demanding task that is far more taxing than most folks living "normal" lives could possibly ever comprehend. Put plainly, IT'S HARD, HARD WORK!!... Sure, you see all the NHRA racers smiling for the TV cameras, and doing their best to provide rational explanations for when things go terribly wrong -- You see the zillion dollar luxury trailers and accommodations, HOWEVER, when you get down to the brass tacks of it all, they're the racers who have to get suited up, and climb in the cockpit at the track, when the temperature's 99 degrees with 100% humidity, and do their best to completely concentrate and focus on going another tough round of nerving NHRA racing... You simply can't deny the fact that with all the glitz, glamour, and pageantry of NHRA racing, it's still a very, very, difficult job. It can often be a dastardly demanding occupation that requires plenty of the proverbial blood, sweat and tears... That all said, that's why we're officially proclaiming this month of November as "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH"!!!... We salute all you racers who accept the challenge of competing on the extremely "labor intensive" NHRA tour... We know you give your soul and spirit to this rough and occasionally raucous NHRA racing arena, and for that, we appreciate your show of unwavering strength and genuine gusto... Now that the 2017 season's over, take a breather, hug your family, and pat yourself on the back for all you do to keep this NHRA drag racing train a rollin'... Below is posted a photographic image that yours truly snapped in the E'Town Raceway Park press suite of some locally-born NHRA racers who I know, and have great respect and genuine admiration for...

 

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence racing compound. A pint-sized H.D.R.A. related intruder named Stosh, masqueraded (wearing a Halloween costume), disguised as the Darkside Drag Racing Association's notorious "Mantis", evil clutch and bottom-end guy, well known and feared throughout the many parallel universes of the drag racing afterlife. The costumed character removed a layer of synthetic skin, molded in the shape of a praying mantis insect's head, adhered to his real head, and exposed his small parrot bird's head. 'Mantis' continued to shed off armor-like 'body panels" of his 'costume', and squawked out loud, "I tricked you all!!! Trick or Treat!!! Trick or Treat!!! What do y'all think of my custom-made Halloween costume that fooled you all into thinking I was Mantis?!? HA!!! AIN'T THAT A HYSTERICAL RIOT?!? HEE!!! HEE!!!!"...

"Wait a minute!!!" squawked Peter The Parrot, "This little critter feller is my old best friend from back in the day Stosh!!!!! He's a bird buddy I once served with in the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's Junior Speed Scout training program for animals!!!"... "That's right, old pal!!" responds the bird that we were all tricked on this Halloween, into believing was "Mantis", the notorious clutch guy from the Darkside Drag Racing Association... "You sure had me fooled, Stosh!" blurts Fred The Wrench "Your elaborate costume was very convincing!!!"... Maria laughs out loud at the situation... "Hey, Stosh!" squawks an ecstatic Peter The Parrot, "I got some cheese and crackers hidden under my mattress, so as Fred don't steal the edible goodies from me -- I been saving 'em for a special occasion just like this one!!!!"... "Oh brother," sarcastically shrugs Fred The Wrench, "As if it don't get weird enough 'round here with just one pint-sized parrot on the premises, now we gots two of 'em?!?"...

Everyone shares Halloween candy corn that Stosh brought with him. Peter The Parrot flies to his quarters to fetch the cheese and crackers. This is our crews first time celebrating Halloween due to the Heavenly Drag Racing Association lifting its former strict restrictions on the practice. Maria grabs a sheet from the linen closet, cuts holes for eyes, puts it over her body and pretends to be a happy howling ghost!! Moments later, Peter The Parrot, flies back to the assembled group and squawks "LOOK AT DIS?!? ALL MY CHEESE AND CRACKERS GOT SMOOSHED UNDER MY MATTRESS!!!! FRED MUSTA SAT ON MY BED WHEN HE WAS RAIDING MY OLD DRAG RACING 'ZINE STASH!!!! FRED MUSTA BEEN READING MY DRAG MAGS AND SITTIN' RIGHT WHERE I HAD THESE MUNCHIE GOODIES STASHED UNDER MY MATTRESS AND SQUASHED 'EM!!!! HE MUSTA CRUSHED MY TREATS WITH HIS AMPLE FRUMPY BODY MASS!!!!"...

"Calm down!" says Fred The Wrench, "Yes, I did recently raid your stash of old drag racing magazines, and yes, I did sit on your bed for a spell, and read through some of 'em, and musta smooshed your hidden cheese n' crackers under your mattress on accident. But I'll make it up to you, little guy!"... "Oh yeah?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot "How you gonna do that, Freddy boy?!?"... Fred walks to the fridge and pulls out a deluxe party platter that he had been saving for the proverbial 'special occasion' as well... "Oh my," says Larry Lamb, "Fred's party platter surely makes up for those squashed crackers and cheese you had hidden under your mattress, Peter!"... "I propose a toast!" interjects a gleeful Stosh, "Here's to the beauty of six members of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's afterlife racing operations, sharing a wholesome Halloween themed get-together of friends!!!"..."HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!" shouts the two parrots in collective unison ... Fred The Wrench proceeds to put on one of his favorite Fats Domino records and the party really starts hoppin'!!!...

BUT THEN!!!...  The needle on the Fats Domino record scratches its way across the disc as a result of a sudden seismic  shakeup of the surroundings!!... "OH NO!!!" shouts an aghast Maria... An eerie dark aura appears to rise up from the large party platter dish, and materialize in ghastly physical form!!!... "IT'S THE R-R-REAL MANTIS!!!" says Sebastian... "YEP!!! DAMN RIGHT IT'S ME -- THE REAL MANTIS!!! I'M CORROSIVELY CRASHING THIS LAME HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!" ghoulishly gurgles what is clearly visible as 'the real McCoy' of nefarious darkside clutch tuning creatures, "I WAS SCANNING MY SHORTWAVE CLAIRVOYANCE MONITOR AT MY DARKSIDE PAD, WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY BROKE YOUR TELEPATHIC BROADCAST SECURITY CODES, ENABLING ME TO WATCH THE PATHETIC PARTY HAPPENING HERE!!! -- YOU SEE, THIS MANTIS HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS IS NOT A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!! THE MIND INSIDE THIS PRAYING MANTIS SHAPED HEAD IS TRUE INTERSPECIES METAPHYSICAL EVIL, SHIFTED INTO OVERDRIVE!!!! NOW I'M GOING TO TURN YOUR DOOFY, DO-GOODER, WHOLESOME HALLOWEEN PARTY INTO A SINISTER SUPERNATURAL NIGHTMARE SCENARIO, THAT YOU FEEBLE FOOLS COULD NEVER, EVER IMAGINE!!!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!!"....

Sebastian immediately starts to spin at high RPMs in order to transform into 'Phantom Racer' mode... Mantis attempts to counteract and disrupt Sebastian's transformation actions by repeatedly chanting a morbid ancient mantis mantra, "STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!!"..."... Sebastian musters all the positive power he possibly can, shutting out Mantis' corrupting chanting, and successfully transforms into full 'Phantom' mode, then overwhelms Mantis with strength and finesse. Mantis tries desperately to fight back using freakish, freestyle sorcery moves, but can't break from Sebastian's mighty grip. Sebastian picks Mantis up over his head and throws him into a vat of corrosive tool cleaning liquid solution...

Mantis subsequently dissolves physically, though a weakened, translucent orb appears to materialize and escape from the toxic cleaning solution, and rapidly flies out one of the room's open skylights... "I guess that's all that is left of Mantis, for now anyways," says Sebastian, while standing tall in full 'Phantom Racer' hero regalia, "but don't think for one minute that Mantis is completely done for -- he'll travel in orb form back to his division of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's clutch experts enclave, and be reconstructed through the process of alchemy rehabilitation by their seasoned wizards of witchcraft."... "At least he's gone from here!!" says Maria, speaking with a sense of relief, as she removes her makeshift ghost sheet costume... "That was scary!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Boy oh boy! I wanted to slug that Mantis creep right in his buggy kisser!" adds Fred The Wrench... "I believe that we best break this Halloween party up." says leader Larry Lamb with firm authority... "I'll transport back to my place." says Stosh "It was a fun party, for the short time that it lasted."... "Hey, it was good to see you again, buddy!" squawks Peter The Parrot "Don't be a stranger, come see us again!"... Stosh does his cute little bird waddle over to the metaphysical transport station, and fades away to back to where he came from... "Okay, everybody," orders Larry Lamb, "off to your quarters and get some sleep, I have a feeling that we'll be assigned another challenging mission from our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association sooner than later. Get your rest so you'll all be prepared for further drag racing afterlife do-gooder duty."...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Wow!! --  It's a good thing that Sebastian was able to successfully transform into 'Phantom Racer' mode, despite the evil chanting that Mantis was doing in an attempt to counteract the transformation process. Fortunately Sebastian was able to overpower the menacing Mantis from the darkside, throw him in a vat of toxic parts cleaning solution, reducing him to just a fleeing orb... It was nice for our gang to have Stosh The Parrot as a brief Halloween guest, and he was no worse for wear, and transported safely back to his Heavenly Drag Racing Association abode... Larry Lamb firmly orders everyone to bed, to rest up, and regain their strength and mindset for their next assigned mission from the H.D.R.A.... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


It's often said "the third time is a charm", and that's certainly the case regarding this past Sunday's rescheduled DIGS AT E'TOWN nostalgia drag racing series' "Monster Bash" 2017 season finale. The event was already "rained out" two weeks in a row, and fortunately, the third attempt at running the event on Sunday was FINALLY a success -- "Mother Nature" finally cooperated enough to make it happen. Yes, temps did border on the chilly side of the thermometer, however, with sunny skies and a far-better-than-expected turnout for mid-November, there was really nothing for anyone to fret about. It was great to see all the many racers and their teams, a wide variety of happy hot rodders, and heapings of ultra-enthused spectators at the final DIGS date of the season. A lot of credit has to go to Raceway Park's Walter Frey and John McCartney for all their work in making THE DIGS the old school drag racing smash it's become over time. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing lots of my old friends, as well being introduced to some new ones, many of whom told me that they read this blog with steadfast regularity, I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. I'm certainly looking forward to THE DIGS returning to E'Town's 1/8th mile strip in 2018... I also had a chance this past Sunday to check in on the notorious "No/Time Nationals" that were going on at Raceway's 1/4 mile track. There was a healthy turnout of urban "No/Time" racers on the property. I love when the big clocks get shut off, and the N/T racers do drag racing the way it was done during the sport's infancy -- back when you had to guess and estimate what your opponent's performance would be, before the benefit of seeing what they can run on the electronic clocks at the end of the strip -- there's a certain kind of "romance" to No/Time racing that I really love... In closing, I just want to reiterate what a grand time I had this past Sunday at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park, getting to experience the old school DIGS and the "No/Time" scene made for many positive memories that I know will stay with me for the duration... What a groovy way for me to wind up my 2017 drag racing season...

 

 

Paul Cirillo's dragster & accompanying ancient Ford 'Model A' tow car in THE DIGS staging lanes last Sunday.