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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring our aggressive anti-road rage campaign caused an onslaught of mixed-emotion driven emails. Cindy from Niota, TN wrote, "I come from a family of marine biologists, so I can definitely appreciate you stating the facts that sharks only kill one person every two years, while road rage kills or injures 15,000 per year. People should be a lot more cautious of getting in a road rage altercation than being afraid of sharks at the seashore!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Daphhe from all the way in Volos, Greece said, "I hope in the future that I can attend a sand dragster bikini beach party, but not with the kind of bad beatniks in your crazy story!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Hooray for Fred The Wrench standing up to Slitzy and telling him that he's not going to share his engine tuning secrets, even if it did get Fred slugged in the mouth!"... Substitute Stephanie's snapshot of the day inspired Dino from Brooklyn, NY to write,  "I love the photo of Doc and Stephanie together. I met them both at Island Dragway. Two of the sweetest girls on earth."-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Henry from Mooringsport, LA said, "How many more times are you going to run that stupid photo of Doc and Stephanie? I'm sick of seeing that pic of those two dizzy hens!"... My blog congratulating Antron Brown, Robert Hight and Drew Skillman on their NHRA Northwest Nationals' win caused Darrin from Ennis, TX  to say, "Thanks to Doc for giving NHRA racers the recognition they deserve!"... My blog announcing that Drag Racing Underground officially declares August as the month we celebrate our colorful accelerating drag racing culture, had Matt from Butler, PA chime in, "I'm going to take Doc's advice and take one of my co-workers to the drag races. Doc always gives us good ideas we'd never think of ourselves. She's the best!"... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Roberta from Baltimore, MD in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Fools like Marvin are potty mouths. If he really thinks foul language makes a man a hero, he must either be a dopey drunk or on hard drugs!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


OUR AGGRESSIVE ANTI-ROAD RAGE CAMPAIGN-- LET'S SAVE LIVES!!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today we're posting our public service message campaign conceived by the concerned, creative and compassionate minds of Drag Racing Underground. We've certainly received critical acclaim for our previous "Take a Date to the Drags" public service message campaign, this campaign however, is designed to tackle a far more serious matter, a matter of life and death, an issue that must be addressed in order to save lives on America's busy highways and byways. We're talking about the growing problem of "ROAD RAGE"... Did you know that on average, there's only one shark attack fatality every two years? However, road rage is linked to well over 200 deaths and 13,000+ injuries per year! Please take a brief moment to absorb these startling statistics, and contemplate just how dangerous the issue of road rage has become in today's "automotive oriented culture". When "hot heads" get behind the wheel of a car, they're a genuine threat to the safety of you, your kids, and every member of your precious family. Please do a Google search of "road rage" and get yourself educated about it, then openly discuss the subject with all those you love-- educate them, advise them to not fall prey to this "killer epidemic" ravaging our modern society. Now is definitely the time to address this unsettling matter with your beloved kin. Hopefully we'll all be able to work together to make a difference. Please do the right thing by sharing this blog with as many people possible. Let's be smart and do everything we humanly can to save lives!! It's high time to tackle this serious issue and the deranged danger it imposes on our civilized way of life. Thanks...



Road Rage is a big problem. We're doing our part to bring attention to this unsettling issue. Spread the word!!


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary mission  -- one that finally facilitated Maria's many requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the opportunity to drive a race car in competition. This mission required that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program' -- a program featuring ONLY female drivers -- Nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who race and behave in fiendish fashion. It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy, beatnik "beach party" culture of hedonistic depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's toughest of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. Maria was fortunate enough to put current sand digger champ 'Dastardly Darla' on the trailer in a 'too-close-for-comfort' sand dragster duel, however, she now finds herself in a tricky situation, as the race's 'after party' has kicked into a beatnik affair of hyper-sleazy metaphysically accelerating degenerating activity, resulting in downright uncomfortable social consequences for our do-gooder team!!!...

Beatnik music plays loudly over the track's public address system -- A race 'after party' that feeds entirely on depraved debauchery has ensued!!! This deranged darkside shindig has become difficult for our morally and ethically upstanding crew to endure!!  'Dastardly Darla' and all the darkside girls are dancing in their skimpy bikinis in a lewd  manner to the blaring manic beatnik beat. All the gruesome darkside guys are panting heavily while lustfully watching the women dance about in shameful, gyrating fashion. A bikini wearing Maria bravely decides that for the sake of the mission, she'll keep up her 'low-life lady' masquerade, and join in on the sleazy, hedonistic dancing like all the other gals. Sticking around to endure this depraved dance party, gives our do-gooder crew a far better chance of further infiltrating this unruly gang, and gaining valuable opposition intelligence...

"This beach party is turning treacherous!!" says Sebastian... "You're right!!" replies Fred The Wrench... "Hmm," adds leader Larry Lamb, as he looks wary while rubbing his woolly chin "We're certainly learning an awful lot about the ways of these darkside hoodlums, and that's great for our opposition intelligence gathering, however, I am concerned whether or not we can convincingly stay in low-life character, and keep up with this ongoing creepy low-life masquerade??"...  The beatnik drumbeat increases in tempo. The dancing accelerates in gyrating speed, to the point where it's a surreal beatnik mind-trip of manic metaphysical proportion!!! ..."This is gettin' downright scary!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "The girls are all gyrating into a warp-speed metaphysical blur of apocalyptic meltdown frenzy!!!"... 

All the gruesome beatnik guys are occasionally rotating their heads at sinister speed, as they continuously pant and drool like dogs in heat at the dancing women!! The beatnik music has morphed into a potent pulsating hum, sounding like thousands of un-grounded amplifiers!!!  It's a frantic warp-speed fandango!!! Sand from the beach is rising into the air and spiraling like volatile Kansas twisters!!! Some of the beatnik guys, including 'Dastardly Darla's' mechanic Slitzy, take notice that our crew of fellows, Larry, Sebastian, Fred and Peter, are the ONLY guys on the beach who AREN'T drooling, panting and spinning their heads in lewd lust for the dancing women like the rest of the beatniks at the party are...

Slitzy approaches our crew in tattered shorts, along with several other hedonistic hoodlums with attitude, and speaks up "Hey!! What's up wit you lame-oh cats?!? Why ain't you diggin' all the chick-a-dees dancing at warp speed?!? Are you a bunch of squares or sumpthin'?!?"... Then another one of the hoodlums, named Stosh, wipes green, slimy drool from his face and says to our crew, "We know that youse are not like us!!! As a matter of fact, we thinks you're all phony imposters from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, and youse are all here for some kind of ulterior undercover motive that ain'ts on the low-fife level!!! You're just spying on us Darkside Drag Racing Association hoodlums!!!".. Then suddenly all the bikini wearing beatnik girls, and Maria too, stop gyrating and dancing, and are standing on what remains of the beach sand after all the commotion. Maria can clearly see that something's going down and it's NOT good... not good at all!!!...

Slitzy walks up to Maria and says, "You ain't fooling us, chick-a-dee, not anymore anyways. Maybe you did a good job of pretending to be a sleaze for a while, but we're on to all of you now!!! When we saw that your boys weren't diggin' on the ghoulish groovy-girl hedonistic dance scene like we all do, we figured it out!!!  And now you're all going to be our prisoners!!! You do-gooders are going to have to toil as our enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! YA DIG?!?!"... Maria can't help but to look severely aghast... Then 'Dastardly Darla' gets right up in Maria's face, and aggressively shoves Maria's bare shoulders and shouts "I"M GONNA ENJOY THIS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AND YOUR CREW OF DOPEY HEAVENLY DO-GOODERS SQUIRM AND SUFFER UNDER ME AND MY BOYS' GREASY SLEAZY THUMBS!!! NOW YOU'RE STUCK WITH US, BABYCAKES!!!"

Slitzy looks Fred The Wrench in the eyes and dictates, "To start your eternal service to our every need, this chunky-monkey mechanic guy is gonna teach us all his tricks, all the knowledge he has, that enabled him to tune their sand digger to beat ours!!!"... Fred musters up all his available courage and replies, "Like heck I will, you low-life bum!!"... With that, Slitzy punches Fred across the lip and causes him to lose balance and fall on the beach... "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!" shouts Sebastian, "NOBODY ROUGHS-UP OUR FRED THE WRENCH AROUND LIKE THAT, BUSTER!!!"... Then sleazeball Stosh walks up to Sebastian and says in a snide manner, "Oh really? Are you the group's hero-boy or sumpthin'? I'll show you what we do to hero-boys like you!!"... Stosh wrestles Sebastian to the ground and they roll around, throwing punches and fighting with fervor... "I don't like this one bit!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Me neither" chimes in Maria... Even crew leader Larry Lamb's woolly face appears consumed with worry and despair, as he tries desperately to think of someway out of this mess... THIS IS THE MOST DIRE SITUATION WE'VE EVER SEEN OUR CREW GET CAUGHT UP IN!!! IS THERE A WAY OUT OF HERE FOR OUR DO-GOODERS, OR ARE THEY NOW DOOMED TO AN ETERNAL PAINFUL PRISON SENTENCE OF SERVING DRAG RACING'S DERANGED DARKSIDE OF THE BEATNIK SAND DRAGSTER AFTERLIFE?!? THIS SURE AIN'T THE PROVERBIAL SUMMER OF LOVE FOR OUR HEROIC METAPHYSICAL GEARHEAD CREW!!! THIS IS NOW A SUMMER OF SWEATING UNDER THE WRATH OF EVIL!!!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Looks like the sleazy sand dragster race 'after party' of hedonistic depravity has came to an abrupt halt, as the low-life beatniks of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's sanctioned scene, have realized that our crew aren't part of their group, but are really do-gooders sent on an intelligence gathering assignment from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association!!!  And now the creeps, including 'Dastardly Darla' and her mechanic Slitzy, and buddy sleazeball Stosh are claiming our gang as prisoners, damning them to be their enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! CAN SEBASTIAN BEAT SLEAZEBALL STOSH AS THEY RUMBLE IN THE SAND?!? WILL FRED THE WRENCH REALLY BE FORCED TO TEACH THESE LOW-LIFES ALL HIS ENGINE TUNING TIPS?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we have the trusty Stephanie substituting for The Doc. At this time Doc is either occupied with her Big Stick music related work, and/or her fine-art sculpture related responsibilities (as she will be increasingly frequently over the period of the next several months or so)... We believe that Doc will hopefully be back on the clock for Thursday's edition of this popular blog installment... Of course on Wednesday (tomorrow), we'll be running our regularly scheduled 'TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER' paranormal drag racing serial series feature... Please enjoy Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day... This installment features a photograph that's so dear to my heart. It's a shot of both Doc (right) and myself (left) laughing it up in the pit area at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, New Jersey. I occasionally post this photo to remind me of how thankful I am to have the friendship of a woman as wonderful as Doc. She's truly an inspiration to me, just as she is to so many women across the globe who admire her vast achievements, as well as her incredible strength and courage to speak the truth, even in situations where speaking the truth isn't necessarily the most popular thing to do. I love the way I'm holding the clipboard that I use to make notes when Doc comes up with concepts that she believes will be beneficial for the important work she does. I'm so thankful for Doc and all she does to make this world of ours a much better place. We're all thankful for the service she so selflessly provides for the entire drag racing community. How I love this photograph and simply adore her.

 

 

 Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day features Stephanie (me on the left) and the wonderful Doc (right).


Congratulations are in order for New Jersey native Antron Brown and his Matco Tools Top Fuel dragster team on their victory at this past weekend's NHRA Northwest Nationals at Pacific Raceway in Kent, WA. This "western swing" win results in Brown taking over the Top Fuel points lead in NHRA competition. It also stands as his fourth victory of the season and second in three events... Congrats are also appropriate for Robert Hight and his Auto Club of Southern California Funny Car team for clinching a Northwest Nationals win. Hight qualified No#1 for the second consecutive race in a row in his Chevrolet Camaro SS while securing his 2nd Funny Car victory of the 2017 racing season. He's currently ranked 3rd in the points standings... The Northwest Nationals Pro Stock honors went to Drew "Got da Skills" Skillman and his Ray Skillman Chevrolet dealership race team. Skillman drove his Chevrolet Camaro to defeat an ultra-tough Erica Enders in the "factory hod rod" final round (we can be sure that the currently suspended NHRA Drag Racing Underground winner picker Franky, of Franky & Felicia fame, can't be very happy about THAT!). This counts as Skillman's third victory of the season, as well as the third in the past four events. He stands 5th in the points race... Congratulations go out to all the Sportsman teams who also managed to walk away with a nice, shiny  "Wally" trophy this past weekend. Keep in mind that the next event on the NHRA tour is the Lucas Oil NHRA Nationals on Aug 17-20 in Brainerd, MN... Please make sure that you and your family members don't miss one bit of the exciting NHRA action!!!...

 

 

Congratulations to Antron Brown and his Matco Tools Top Fuel team on their NHRA Northwest Nationals win.


Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


Well folks, it's gosh darn official!! Drag Racing Underground has declared that the month of August is the month that we celebrate our colorful accelerating culture -- That's right, let's all do what we can to aggressively spread the word among those who are currently unaware, that there is truly ample reason to fall head over heels in love with this straightline sport of acceleration that we affectionately call DRAG RACING!!!... For the month of August, we ask that you take a friend, relative or co-worker, who has never had the "drag racing experience" to your local drag strip, and introduce them to the genuinely invigorating thrill of this longtime American pastime. Let's all try to share (not curb) our enthusiasm for the sport that gives us so much joy and emotional fulfillment.  Let's make a collective effort to promote drag racing to those who aren't fortunate enough to have it as a part of their life. Spread the word, don't be shy, let everyone in your world know that drag racing's where it's at!! We can help the sport thrive and endure into the future by spreading the gospel of accelerating gearhead culture!! GET OUT AND DO IT!!!...

 

 

DRU officially declares that August is the month that we celebrate our colorful straightline accelerating culture!!


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog announcing the cancellation of Franky's & Felicia's winners picks for this weekend's NHRA Northwest Nationals, due to yet another (the 3rd week in a row) extension of Franky's suspension for bad behavior, caused an absolute onslaught of mixed-emotion driven emails. Stanley from Woodburn, OR wrote, "Why are you unfairly punishing Franky three weeks straight for just being himself? If he speaks his mind what's wrong with that? What happened to the good old days in America before politically correct persecution ruined our country?"-- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Kaylee from Taos, NM says, "Three races in a row without Franky's & Felicia's picks is a blessing from high heaven. Keep those two creeps cancelled permanently. They are so ridiculous that I can't stand reading one more word of their unintelligent nonsense!" ... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Luana from all the way in Enna, Italy said, "I hope that the darkside drag racers fail in making Maria and the crew prisoners for all eternity. There must be a way out of this horrible problem!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "The jig really is up! This sand dragster beach party is a bust!"... My blog promoting THE DIGS AT E'TOWN 'HOT FUN SUNDAY' old school drags scheduled for Aug 27th at Raceway Park's 1/8th mile strip inspired Samantha from Brick, NJ to write,  "My family had such a good time at the last Digs, you know we'll be back again this month!"... My blog promoting the MOPARS AT E'TOWN event scheduled for Aug 26-27 at Raceway Park's 1/4 mile strip caused Blake from Staten Island, NY to say, "I'm bringing my restored Dodge Dart out for its debut this year at Englishtown!"... My blog featuring Dave Hance's proposal for a 'NEW WORLD ORDER 1/8th MILE PRO MODIFIED' category had Lenny from Newark, NJ chime in, "Dave Hance has always been the man with the plan. I like his ideas and hope more Pro Modified peeps listen to him."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Tabitha from Indio, CA, in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "If Marvin thinks he's macho, he's sadly mistaken. Jerks like him are nothing but insecure cowards at heart."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


We originally planned for today's blog to feature Franky's & Felicia's picks for this weekend's NHRA Northwest Nationals. However, as you probably are already well aware, we suspended Franky  two weeks ago, just prior to the Mopar NHRA Mile-High Nationals, due to his involvement in a "road rage" related incident, when he was allegedly "cut off" on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway by a driver wearing a Yankees cap. And yes, we all know how strongly Franky feels that New Yorkers should be supporting the Mets and not the Yankees. An altercation ensued. To make a long story short, we then temporarily suspended Franky from his race predicting duties, in hopes that this issue would be cleared up by last week, and we'd be able to have him and Felicia return to predicting the winners for the NHRA race in Sonoma -- However, unfortunately, we felt compelled to extend Franky's suspension, due to the fact that when he was being investigated for the recent road rage incident, an arrest warrant surfaced from Pennsylvania, alleging that Franky and an ex-girlfriend of his from Pennsylvania, were suspected of videotaping feature films inside a rural Pennsylvania move theater, and then producing pirated DVD copies of same movies, and illegally selling them on Canal Street in New York City. So Franky was still stuck in quite a disturbing legal funk. We felt that we had no choice but to extend Franky's suspension... And now, just last night, Franky & Felicia were dinner guests at Drag Racing Underground's own Stephanie's palatial house and estate, located in an exclusive gated New Jersey community, and Franky wound up starting an argument with Stephanie's husband Rubert, about a Mets related matter, and in a subsequent heated exchange of words, Franky called Stephanie's and Rubert's house "a f*****g dump" -- This bad blood between Drag Racing Underground folk resulted in us once again feeling it necessary to add an extension to Franky's suspension to further include this week's NHRA Northwest Nationals predictions...  Hopefully this will all clear up in time for Franky & Felicia to return to this page in mid-August, for them to provide us with their predictions for the Lucas Oil NHRA Nationals at Brainerd... We sincerely  apologize to all of you who were looking forward to Franky's & Felicia's NHRA Northwest Nationals picks today. We're trying our very best  to sort this matter out as soon as humanly possible. Franky appreciates all the supportive emails he's received.




Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary mission of all missions -- one that finally facilitated Maria's requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the opportunity to drive a race car in competition. Sebastian was forced to watch from the sidelines for this assignment, due to this mission requiring that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program' -- a program featuring only female drivers -- nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who race and behave in dirty fiendish fashion. It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy, beatnik "beach party" culture of hedonistic depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's toughest of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. It's a truly way-sinister drag racing scene!! Maria was fortunate enough to put current champ 'Dastardly Darla' on the trailer in a 'too-close-for-comfort' sand dragster duel, however, she now finds herself in a tricky situation as the race's 'after party' has kicked into a beatnik affair of hyper-sleazy metaphysically accelerating degenerating activity!!!...

 Whacked-out, weirdo beatnik music plays loudly over the track's public address system -- A rowdy party that feeds completely on depraved debauchery has ensued!! This deranged darkside 'beach party' has become too freaky for our upstanding crew to easily endure!!  'Dastardly Darla' and all the darkside girls are dancing in a lewd and tasteless manner to the blaring manic beatnik beat. All the gruesome darkside guys are panting heavily while watching the women dance about in shameful gyrating fashion... 'Dastardly Darla' yells out to Maria "Hey, Maria! For being a winner, you sure ain't a very groovy chick when it comes to celebrating!!! Get over here, chick, and start shakin' it with me and the other gals!!!"... Maria quickly decides that for the sake of the mission, she must keep up her 'low-life lady' masquerade, and join in on the sleazy, hedonistic, gyrating dancing that all the other gals are engaging in.

Sticking around to endure the depraved dance party, gives our do-gooder crew a far better chance of further infiltrating this unruly gang, and gaining valuable opposition intelligence. They want this mission to be a shining success from an intelligence gathering standpoint... "Sure, Darla!!" Maria shouts back "Of course I'm, gonna dance! I wouldn't miss this chance to dance and party for all the beatnik beads in the universe, especially since I just shut you down good on the sand drag strip!!"... All the gals and guys who can hear the back and forth between Maria and Darla blurt out a collective "Wooooo!!" in response to Maria's sassy comeback... One of 'Dastardly Darla's' eyebrows on her green-tinted ghoulish face arches high on her forehead in cringing ire...

"Holy smokes!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "I thinks that Darla dame is starting to steam up!!"... "Yes, literally and figuratively." chimes in Sebastian "I believe that this beach party is turning treacherous!!"... "I suspect you're right, Sebastian!!" says Fred The Wrench... "Hmm," adds leader Larry Lamb as he looks wary while rubbing his woolly chin "We're certainly learning an awful lot about the ways of these darkside hoodlums, and that's great for our opposition intelligence gathering, however, I am concerned, and do wonder, how long Maria and the rest of us can keep up this ongoing creepy low-life masquerade???"...  The beatnik drumbeat gets faster in tempo. The dancing accelerates in gyrating speed, to the point where it's a surreal beatnik mind-trip of manic metaphysical proportion!!! Maria proceeds to skip right in front of 'Dastardly Darla', and rapidly builds up her own rate of hip gyration to the same wicked warp speed that the other darkside girls are dancing...

"This is gettin' downright scary!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "They're all gyrating into a warp-speed metaphysical blur!!"...  All the gruesome beatnik guys are occasionally rotating their heads at a sinister speed, as they continuously pant and drool like dogs in heat at the women!! The 'beach party' has taken a torrid, turbulent turn to where the basic laws of physics are being thrown out the window!!! The beatnik music has morphed into a potent pulsating hum that sounds like thousands of un-grounded amplifiers!!!  It's all like a frantic warp-speed fandango!!! Maria and 'Dastardly Darla' are now bouncing off each other in a static-electric whirlwind gone completely haywire!!! All the sand from the beach is rising into the air and spiraling like Kansas twisters on steroids!!! The sand dragsters have become airborne by the brutal winds!!! Some of the beatnik guys, including 'Dastardly Darla's mechanic Slitzy, take notice that our crew of guys, Larry, Sebastian, Fred and Peter aren't drooling, panting and spinning their heads in lust for the dancing women like the rest of the beatniks at the party...

Slitzy approaches our crew in his tattered shorts with several other hedonistic hoodlums and says, "Hey!! What's up wit you lame-oh cats?!? Why ain't you diggin' all the chick-a-dees dancing in a warp-speed metaphysical twist?!? What's the deal with you boring deadbeats?!? Are you a bunch of squares or sumpthin'?!?"... Then another one of the hoodlums, named Stosh, wipes a whole lot of green, slimy drool from his face and blurts out to our guys, "We know that youse are not like us!!! As a matter of fact, we thinks you're all phony imposters from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, and youse are all here for some kind of ulterior undercover motive that ain'ts on the level!!!"... Then suddenly all the bikini wearing beatnik girls, and Maria too, stop gyrating and dancing, and are standing on what's left of the beach sand. Maria can plainly see that something's going down and it's NOT good. Slitzy then walks up to Maria and says, "You ain't fooling us, chick-a-dee, not anymore anyways. Maybe you did a good job of pretending to be a sleaze for a while, but we're on to all of you now!!! When we saw that your boys weren't diggin' on the ghoulish groovy-girl hedonistic dance scene like we all do, we figured it out!!!  And now you're all going to be our prisoners!!! You do-gooders are going to have to toil as our enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! YA DIG?!?!? I SAID, I SAID, DO YA DIG WHAT I'M SAYIN'?!?!?"... Maria can't help but to look aghast... Then 'Dastardly Darla' gets right up in Maria's face and says "THE MAN JUST ASKED YOU IF YOU DIG WHAT HE'S SAYIN?!?!?"... 'Dastardly Darla' then shoves Maria's bare shoulders and adds "I"M GONNA ENJOY THIS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AND YOUR CREW OF DOPEY HEAVENLY DO-GOODERS SQUIRM AND SUFFER UNDER ME AND MY BOYS' GREASY SLEAZY THUMBS FOR ALL ETERNITY!!! NOW YOU'RE STUCK WITH US, BABYCAKES!!!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Looks like the sleazy sand dragster race 'after party' of hedonistic depravity has come to an abrupt halt, as the low-life beatniks of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's sanctioned scene, have now realized that our crew aren't part of their group, but are really do-gooders sent on an intelligence gathering assignment from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association!!!  And now the creeps, including 'Dastardly Darla' and her mechanic Slitzy, are saying that they're taking our do-gooder crew prisoner, and damning them to be their enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! WHAT CAN OUR GANG POSSIBLY DO NOW?!?! IS THERE ANY WAY AT ALL TO ESCAPE THIS TORTUOUS FATE?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.