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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog explaining the cancellation of Franky's & Felicia's scheduled picks for this weekend's NHRA New England Nationals, due to Franky being suspended from duties for a "bad behavior incident" (a scuffle that happened in a Queens NY karaoke bar during Billy Joel night), resulted in a flood of emails. Mitch from Hayward, CA said, "I'm a fan of Franky's & Felicia's NHRA picks. I think all the party poopers who complain about them are just thin skinned wusses. It's not fair that Drag Racing Underground continually suspends Franky for behavior that has nothing to do with drag racing. If the guy gets in a barroom fight, what's the point of suspending him from making drag racing picks? Franky's the funniest **** on the whole internet in my opinion."-- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Melinda from Anderson, SC said, "Why don't you just get it over with and ditch Franky & Felicia permanently? Nobody cares about Billy Joel or the NY Mets, and that seems to be what they are more concerned about than doing sensible drag racing picks!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Ced from all the way in Cape Province, South Africa said, "I was looking forward to the crew competing against the darkside's electronics gambling ghouls. But their new bikini beach drag racing party does sound like it's going to be exciting."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "How is Maria going to drive a sand dragster blindfolded?"... My blog announcing Drag Racing Underground's 1990 Chrysler Fifth Avenue project car prompted Dave from Grosse Pointe, MI to comment, "That is the ugliest project car I've ever seen. You guys really have balls to turn it into an outlaw No/Time racer!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Archie from West Allenhurst, NJ said, "Please don't waste $70,000 on that crapmobile. Do the right thing and take it to the junkyard and trade it in for the scrap money!"... My Memorial Day blog recognizing the ultimate sacrifice of "Astoria-Chas" and all the other soldiers who've died in battle resulted in Bobby from Astoria, NY writing, "Thanks for remembering Chas. I have my Ko-Motion diecast Corvette in my den to remind me of him."-- Lucy from Scranton, PA wrote, "Thanks to Doc for writing one of the most straight from the heart Memorial Day editorials I've ever read in my 71 years."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Bertha from Wichita Falls, TX in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "If Marvin has such a problem with men who bring their wives to the drag races, maybe he's the one who should stay home!"... My blog promoting the month of May as "Mighty Mopar Month" caused Frederick from South Plainfield, NJ  to say, "Tell Doc that EVERY month is Mighty Mopar Month in my garage!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


Today we were planning on running our usual Franky's & Felicia's picks for this weekend's NHRA New England Nationals being held in Epping, New Hampshire, however, due to a recent "unacceptable behavior" incident on Franky's part, Franky and the couple's picks feature are now temporarily suspended. Franky has been reported to have instigated a scuffle last evening at a Queens, New York, bar during Billy Joel karaoke night. Details are still sketchy, but it's rumored a scuffle ensued due to a fellow patron's comments regarding the news of NY METS' Steven Matz soon returning to the pitching mound. As you are probably well aware, Franky is very sensitive regarding issues concerning the NY METS.  We're hoping this "behavioral matter" will somehow be resolved in time for the couple to have their picks feature return for the next scheduled NHRA national event, which incidentally is the NHRA Summernationals happening at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, NJ. We sincerely apologize to all our many readers who were expecting to see Franky's & Felicia's picks today.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at their home base. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot finally settled their feud over whether the crew should take a shot at electronics-enhanced drag racing. Electronic boxes and gizmos are a substantial part of the darkside's gambler ghouls' racing scene. All the crew agreed on the idea of running electronics in one of their race cars, because our gang of do-gooders don't like to ever miss an opportunity to teach the darkside low-lifes a lesson on the drag strip... Leader Larry Lamb addressed everyone ""I'll going to my office to research where the next big gambling ghouls drag racing event is, and submit an entry form. I'll tweak the submission so that we appear as a darkside racing team, because you know they won't take kindly to having us compete if they suspect we're upstanding do-gooders working for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association."... Sebastian then went to his room to get crackin' on his practice tree skills...  "How can I help?" asked Maria... "You can go with Sebastian and smack him in the face when he cuts a bad light with his practice tree, Maria!" says Fred The Wrench... "Are you serious?!?" responded Maria... "Darn right!" said Fred The Wrench... "Why's that?!?" Maria quipped... "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT US OLD TIMERS LIKE TO REFER TO AS SHOCK THERAPY!! HA HA!!" joked a jovial Fred as he gave Maria a joshing wink of one of his weary bloodshot eyes... Maria then put her hands on her hips and chuckled "Oh, Fred!! Sometimes you're such a corny kooky cornball of a cut-up!!"...

Larry Lamb, now settled in his office, makes an announcement  that blares over the entire compound's public address system "Attention, Attention-- While submitting entry forms and assignment protocol notes to the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's logistics department, I was informed that there's been an intelligence leak, resulting in the darkside's gambler gouls who race the electronics bracket scene now being aware of our identities and appearance, therefore, the Heavenly Drag Racing Association has redirected this particular assignment to a different group of do-gooders in a parallel universe. I ask that we all meet immediately in the main conference room. What remains of what the administrators from the H.D.R.A. have told me, and have subsequently assigned us, I will share with you all face to face."... Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot, who are situated in the workshop, look at each other, a bit confused after hearing Larry's announcement, and then start walking to the conference room. Maria and Sebastian halt their practice tree improving session and also give each other a perplexed stare after hearing Larry's statement, and then make tracks to the conference room as well...

All are now together in the conference room... "Please, I ask the you all take a seat." says Larry Lamb in a serious tone, as he sits himself at the helm of a long Italian marble conference table with diamond moon star inlays at its edges... Everyone proceeds to sit down... "What this all about, boss?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot ... "Yeah, we was just gettin' dem electronics properly installed in our '32 roadster with the trick Ford incline six-cylinder!" blurts Fred The Wrench... "I understand that we were all on the verge of getting immersed in the electronics racing project, Fred." replies Larry Lamb "However, our identities have been compromised with those big dollar gambler ghouls. The H.D.R.A. now has to give that assignment to someone else, a different do-gooder team with a better chance of pulling off a successful and more discreet covert electronics drag racing counter operation."... "So, WHAT is OUR assignment going to be?!? questions Maria... "Well, Maria." responds Larry Lamb, "The new assignment that the H.D.R.A. has issued us, will in fact, facilitate your longtime, repeated requests to the administration.".... "You mean I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET AN OPPORTUNITY TO DRIVE?!?" exclaims Maria, as she can barely contain her happy giddiness, "YOU'RE SAYING THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I'M FINALLY, FINALLY GETTING MY CHANCE TO OCCUPY THE DRIVER'S SEAT IN A RACE CAR?!?!?"...

"Yes, Maria" states Larry Lamb, "Sebastian is going to have to work the sidelines for this new assignment."... "How come?" says Sebastian... Larry replies "Because this new assignment requires that we compete in a division of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's planet X program. It's a program that features all female drivers, only female drivers are in the cockpit for this circuit, and very EVIL female drivers I might add, my dear subordinates."... "Ain't dat da beach dragster bikini league or somethin' like that, boss??" blurts Fred The Wrench, "I saw somethin' 'bout that on last week's H.D.R.A. Summer intelligence preview."... "Exactly, Fred" replies Larry Lamb "It's a disgusting, deprived beach sand digger drag racing scene."... "WHAT?!?" exclaims Maria "I HAVE TO WEAR A BIKINI AND RACE AGAINST A BUNCH OF DARKSIDE DEPLORABLE GALS AT SOME KIND OF DISGUSTING DRAG RACING BEACH PARTY?!?... "That's the job, Maria." responds Larry Lamb, "Evidently all your requests over the years to get a chance at driving has resulted in the brass at the H.D.R.A. now willing to give you an opportunity with this eerie seaside driving assignment."... "I guess you can't complain, Maria." adds Sebastian, "After all, you have been pretty headstrong persistent in expressing your desire to drive with the H.D.R.A.."... "Oh, I know. I asked for it." says a now more subdued Maria,  "I'm good with whatever I have to do in order to help curtail the degenerate behavior of the Darkside Drag Racing Association, and their crop of wicked, crooked, rancid racers. I'll wear a bikini and drive one of them beach dragsters if that's what it takes. I'll beat them fiends and make you all proud of me-- I hope."... "That's the spirit, Maria!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Oh," says Larry Lamb with a bit of pause and apprehension, "There's still one other thing you need to know, Maria."... "What's that??" Maria replies... "All the women drive blindfolded." responds Larry Lamb... "DRIVE WHILE BLINDFOLDED?!?!?" blurts out Maria "GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, it appears that our crew have had their assignments switched by the H.D.R.A., due to an intelligence leak, that blew their cover among the electronics gambler racing ghouls. Our team is now assigned to an all female driver division of the Darkside Drag Racing Associations sleazy beach digger competition circuit!! This is finally the opportunity that Maria has long been waiting for. Maria's going to be competing as a bikini wearing, blindfolded beach digger driver!! She's going to not only have to get the hang of driving fast, she's also going to have to be able to do so while blindfolded!!! CAN SHE DO IT?!?!? CAN MARIA PULL IT OFF AND PUT THE LEWD LADIES FROM THE DARKSIDE ON THE TRAILER?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we're proudly unveiling a special project coming to Drag Racing Underground for the Spring/Summer season... We're taking a beat-up 1990 Chrysler "Fifth Avenue", and transforming it into a threatening outlaw No/Time race car, and we're going to do so for a combined budget totaling only  $70,000 or less!!... That's right, this is going to be the one drag strip project that will have you captivated and amazed... Stay tuned for what the automotive aftermarket merchandising experts are already calling "the most ambitious project car metamorphosis of all time"... We're gonna take you from Fifth Avenue to the Outlaw Drag Strip!!...

 

 

This Spring/Summer Drag Racing Underground brings you the race car transformation project of a lifetime!!...


ON MEMORIAL DAY WE REMEMBER CHARLIE & OTHERS WHO'VE DIED...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

On this Memorial Day 2017, I wish to express my respect and appreciation for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice and died. Being that I'm one of drag racing's very few "tell it like it is" journalists, with the courage to speak the truth even when it makes some become, uh, "uncomfortable", I want to stress how we still have some jerks in the drag racing community who show complete disrespect for those who have died or lost their limbs fighting for liberty. We still have feeble fools on the drag racing internet who attack, bully and try to censor others because they "don't agree" (boo hoo) with someone's opinion, simply because of their own weakened spirit and shallow shortcomings. There's no excuse for trying to silence the thoughts and opinions of others, doing that is nothing short of spitting on the graves of all the brave men and women who have died and are buried in Arlington National Cemetery, or who are living in a wheelchair because they've had their legs blown off their body while defending our noble liberties, including our "freedom of speech". People who want to censor others are miserably pathetic creatures and totally Un-American (I don't care how many flags they hypocritically wave in our face-- They're nothin' but blowhard fake, phony frauds)... Don't ever take our nation's liberties or those who have lost their lives fighting for them for granted-- Am I understood??... And as a nation, it's high time for us to FINALLY step up and take care of war veterans who are in need of medical services-- Making veterans wait over a year to see a doctor is just so disturbingly WRONG... If you can't take care of your own, then you have no right sending people to war-- It's time for America to get its priorities straight and treat veterans with respect and provide 'em with decent medical care. Politicians and the people of this nation have a lot of work to do if we really want this country to be what it's supposed to be... I know that there's some folks out in cyberland who just want to read wishy-washy watered-down Memorial Day banter on this day, but that's not what I'm about-- That's just not my style--  I know my readers come to this page regularly for TRUTH, even if it ain't necessarily always pretty, and I know I have an awful lot of Marines and veterans who read this blog ('cause y'all write me all the time), it's especially for YOU that I'm voicing the brutal truth on this Memorial Day...  That said, I want to show this particular poster today, it was on display at the drag strip-- It's a poster created by friends of the late Charlie "Astoria-Chas" Snyder, a fallen Vietnam soldier, local drag racer, and overall great human being...

 

 

 

Memorial Day isn't about barbecues and box store mattress sales... It's REALLY about people like Charlie...

 

 


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


IT'S OFFICIAL... MAY IS PROCLAIMED "MIGHTY MOPAR MUSCLE MONTH"!!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

It's official... Here at Drag Racing Underground we are officially proclaiming that May is "MIGHTY MOPAR MUSCLE MONTH"!!... For the entire month of May we pay heartfelt tribute and recognize the American muscle car power of the beefy cars that roll off the Chrysler/Plymouth/Dodge automobile manufacturing assembly line. Very often we hear the old expression "Mopar or No Car", and let's face it, there's a good number of folks among the gearhead population who still subscribe to that mopar-loving mantra from days gone by... And as we celebrate May being Mighty Mopar Muscle Month, please be reminded that the 31st annual Mopar Collectors Guide MOPARS @ ETOWN event takes place August 26-27, 2017 at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. This event is a "must see" for those who love the Mopar breed of high performance rides. It's one of my favorite shindigs of the racing season, and I highly recommend it for the whole family. Mark your calendar now for MOPARS @ ETOWN!!... For more detailed information you are cordially invited to visit racewaypark.com

 

 

Have a tendency to possess an appreciation for Mopar muscle? You best plan to attend MOPARS @ ETOWN!!


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring a "Throwback Thursday" moment, with a photo of yours truly, seated behind the mixing board at a New York City recording studio back in the 1980's, while working on an early Big Stick record release prompted a heck of a lot more responses than we ever expected. Asher from Paradise Valley, AZ said, "I'm a longtime Big Stick fan. Thanks for posting a classic photo of one of my favorite rock and roll women cuties!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence Carl from Wylie, TX wrote, "Please stop blogging about music things. In case you haven't noticed, drag racing has absolutely nothing to do with music!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Isak from all the way in Filpstad, Sweden said, "I am much like your Sebastian character, because I must spend more time using my practice tree to be a good bracket racer."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Fred cracked me up when he told Maria to give Sebastian a slap in the face each time he cuts a bad light with his practice tree!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog paying respects to the victims and families of the recent Manchester concert terrorist attack prompted Alexandria from Cheetham Hill, England  to comment, "I appreciate the Doc making the time to recognize the pain we're going through. Her words are healing and needed in this time of sorrow."... My blog congratulating Ron Capps on scoring his fourth Funny Car win in a row at Topeka last weekend resulted in Brad from Dahlonega, GA writing, "Capps is finally having his days of reckoning. Good for him and his excellent NAPA crew!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Stanley from Brooklyn, NY wrote, "Matt Hagan should have won Topeka. He's the racer who set both ends of the national record. Not pretty boy Capps!"... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Kathy from West Covina, CA in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Pigs like Marvin think women are a jinx at the drag races because they're insecure jerks!"... My blog promoting the 2017 dates for THE DIGS AT E'TOWN old school & traditional drag racing series, caused Marty from Lakewood, NJ to say, "Kudos to Doc for spreading the word about nostalgia drag racing and THE DIGS. I'm going to try running all three dates this year." ... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


HERE'S A "THROWBACK THURSDAY" KIND OF THING...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I admit to being pretty busy at this moment, readying for the first Big Stick LP music release in ages, therefore, I haven't really had much of a chance to put together a drag racing related blog for today, and, not to mention the fact that my trusty assistant Substitute Stephanie is kind of busy too, preparing to bring another beautiful baby into this world... That said, I decided to put together a "Throwback Thursday" vibe for today's blog installment. I recently came across the below posted candid photograph... It's none other than yours truly back in the early 1980's, working on Big Stick percussion tracking at a New York City recording studio. I'm seated behind the mixing board. I'm smiling and sporting short hair (I used to wear it short back in the old days)... Hope y'all appreciate this recently unearthed "Throwback Thursday" trip through the proverbial time tunnel...

 

 

Here's one for "Throwback Thursday". Yours truly at a recording studio in the early 1980's.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at their home base. Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot finally settled their feud over whether the crew should take a shot at electronics-enhanced drag racing. Peter The Parrot was the one aggressively pushing the idea of installing one of their cars with wired-up, electronic blinking boxes and gadgets, while Fred The Wrench was vehemently dead set against the concept. Peter made his case by making the point that it's high time our gang make an effort to beat the big dollar bracket gambler ghouls from the darkside, who compete with the aid of sophisticated electronics wired in their race cars. Electronic boxes and gizmos are a substantial part of the gambler ghoul racing scene... Fred The Wrench acquiesced  to the idea of running electronics in one of their cars, saying "I guess I don't like to ever miss an opportunity to teach them darkside low-lifes a lesson on the drag strip, and if that means that an old fuddy-duddy like me has to accept a couple of blinking boxes stuffed in the cockpit of one of our cars then so be it!"... 

"I can help wire those gadgets up." proclaims Sebastian, "Back during my mortal life on earth, I was a ham radio hobbyist, and I dabbled a little in electronics."... "Electronics racing can be complicated" says the wise and whimsical Larry Lamb "There's 'dial-ins', 'breakouts', 'handicap starts', 'sandbagging', it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination."... Fred The Wrench blurts "We're going to have to work mighty hard to beat those ghouls who've been bracket racing with electronics for most of their drag racing afterlife!"...  "I'll spend some time with my practice tree and get my reaction times sharper" chimes in Sebastian ...  Maria interjects and asks the question "Shouldn't we get busy selecting the car from our inventory that we'll choose to install electronics in?"...  "Yes, that's exactly what we should be doing now, Maria." replies Larry Lamb...

"I say we pick a car that's already pretty consistent even without electronics." Fred says while making his wrinkly thinkin' face, "We've got our unusually fast six-cylinder, black, red-flamed Ford '32 roadster, the one with the trick Ford incline motor, she's usually fiercely consistent on the strip in all kinds of weather and metaphysical conditions."...  "Hey, Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot with a slightly confrontational tone, "Ain't gas rear engine dragsters the most consistent cars to use for electronics bracket racing?!?"... "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, lot's of ghouls run rear engine gas diggers in the gambler bracket classes, but I think our roadster will be able to do the job." replies Fred "And besides, I'd like to run something a little different than what all those ghouls are driving, that way beatin' 'em and teachin' 'em a lesson will be even sweeter."...

Peter The Parrot opens a box that was just delivered from one of the celestial mail order speed shops and squawks "Wow! Look at all these weird delay boxes, throttle stops, christmas tree radar bulb readers, look at all this cool stuff!"... Fred peers into the box "Ah, I still don't thinks they look very cool to me, but, let's go to the shop and try installing some of these gizmos on our '32 Ford."... The whole gang walks through a small heavenly hallway and arrive in the shop... "There it is!" exclaims Maria as she points to the black roadster "I love the fabulous flame job!"... "Me too." adds Larry Lamb... Sebastian and Peter The Parrot pull out all the gizmos from the box and try to decipher what's what...

"I believe I'll go to my office and try to research where the next big gambling ghouls drag racing event is, and try to submit an entry form. I'll tweak the submission so that we appear as a darkside racing team, because you know they won't take kindly to having us compete if they suspect we're upstanding do-gooders working for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association."... "Listen, Sebastian," blurts Fred The Wrench, "I thinks Peter and  I can handle installing this electronics stuff. I suggest you go to your room and get cracking on your practice tree. You're gonna need your reflexes sharp as a knife!"... "I guess you're right about that, Fred." replies Sebastian, as he puts a delay box that he was tinkering with into Fred's grimy hands "I'll go spend my time sharpening my chops with my practice tree."... Sebastian leaves the shop... "And how can I help?" says Maria... "Uh, you can go with Sebastian and yell at him when he cuts a bad light with his practice tree, Maria!" replies Fred The Wrench... "Are you serious?!?" responds Maria... "Darn right!" says Fred The Wrench "And you might wanna give Sebastian a brisk slap to his baby face when he scores a bad light!"... "Why's that?!?" Maria quips... "THAT'S WHAT US OLD TIMERS LIKE TO CALL SHOCK THERAPY!! HA HA!!" jokes Fred The Wrench as he gives Maria a joshing wink of his eye... Maria chuckles "Oh, Fred! Sometimes you're such a corny cornball of a cut-up!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, it appears that our crew are preparing to go electronics bracket racing. They'll be competing against some of most seasoned ghoulish gambler racers in all the universes. It's not going to be an easy walk in the park.  Fred The Wrench who was originally vehemently opposed to the idea of electronics racing has picked out a '32 black flamed roadster with a trick incline six-cylinder, and is now busy installing it with blinking boxes and wired gearhead gizmos. When our team hits the strip, will they be able to teach the darkside gambler ghouls a lesson?? OR will it be the other way around?!? Will Sebastian get his reaction times sharp enough to compete with the creepy consistent gambling ghouls?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.