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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

I realize that tomorrow is officially Mother's Day, but since tomorrow is Sunday, and on Sundays we run our regular "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, I figure that I'll express my Happy Mother's Day wishes to everyone today. I'm sure that blowhard "Marvin" will have something cockeyed to say about Mother's Day tomorrow-- you can guarantee that, right?... Anyways... I want to make a point of acknowledging all the elderly grandmothers who now find themselves forced to raise their adult children's kids. They're the unsung heroes of our modern day society, especially with our nation's growing opiate addiction epidemic. There's so many parents who have a serious drug problem these days, and who then subsequently hand over the responsibilities of raising their kids to their aging and elderly parents. It's a horrible problem that I sincerely hope will be addressed and eradicated sooner than later in America. I really have a lot of respect for all the elderly who are now bearing the heavy load of caring for their grandchildren... You are not forgotten on this Mother's Day 2017...

 

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring my official announcement proclaiming that MAY IS MOPAR MUSCLE MONTH prompted lots of responses. Jamey from Franklin, CT said, "My dad was a Mopar guy and so am I. Thanks for informing me about the MOPARS @ ETOWN event on August 26th-27th. I'll be there with my restored Roadrunner."-- Ernest from Jersey City, NJ  wrote, "I remember seeing Bob Craven's '64 Barracuda when it was new. Shows you how old I am!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Andrew from all the way in Charlbury, England said, "I completely understand the debate between Fred The Wrench and Peter The Parrot. I too tend to argue with my chums all the time about the use of electronic accessories in drag racing."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I was surprised to read that Maria still hasn't given up on her ambition to be a driver. I hope she gets her wish."-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog titled 'DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND RECOGNIZES NATIONAL TEACHER APPRECIATION DAY' prompted Gloria  from Maywood, CA to comment, "I'm one of the teachers who frequently uses Doc's blog as an educational tool for my fifth grade students. I appreciate her tipping her hat to hardworking teachers for National Teacher Appreciation Day. She is a darling person who cares about the common people."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Barbara from Ephrata, PA in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Bullies like Marvin don't care that my great grandfather lost his legs fighting for our right to free speech. Losers like Marvin are a disgrace to America!"... My blog printing the dates for Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's DIGS AT E'TOWN old school & traditional drag racing series caused Sal from Oradell, NJ  to comment, "Thanks for putting up THE DIGS dates. I'm going to bring my kids to at least two of the three races. We went last year and enjoyed the nostalgia style." (editor's note THE DIGS dates are Sun July 2, Sun Aug 27, Sun Oct 29)... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


IT'S OFFICIAL... MAY IS PROCLAIMED "MIGHTY MOPAR MUSCLE MONTH"!!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

It's official... Here at Drag Racing Underground we are officially proclaiming that May is "MIGHTY MOPAR MUSCLE MONTH"!!... For the entire month of May we pay heartfelt tribute and recognize the American muscle car power of the beefy cars that roll off the Chrysler/Plymouth/Dodge automobile manufacturing assembly line. Very often we hear the old expression "Mopar or No Car", and let's face it, there's a good number of folks among the gearhead population who still subscribe to that mopar-loving mantra from days gone by... And as we celebrate May being Mighty Mopar Muscle Month, please be reminded that the 31st annual Mopar Collectors Guide MOPARS @ ETOWN event takes place August 26-27, 2017 at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. This event is a "must see" for those who love the Mopar breed of high performance rides. It's one of my favorite shindigs of the racing season, and I highly recommend it for the whole family. Mark your calendar now for MOPARS @ ETOWN!!... For more detailed information you can visit racewaypark.com

 

 

Bob Craven's 1964 Plymouth Barracuda Valiant parked in the Englishtown pits. It's a Mopar muscle car classic.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back at home base after successfully completing yet another covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They  were able to rid their abode of a sinister shadowy figure, that was a stowaway inside the crate of a mailorder engine that arrived while they were away on assignment. It was the darkside's attempt to take possession of top-secret sensitive intelligence reports from Larry Lamb's administration desk... Fortunately Sebastian managed to get the ghoul re-crated and teleported to central booking at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. After the darkside intruder crisis was finally over, Maria sighed with relief, gaining her composure, "What do you say we all do tea and coffee and try to unwind?"... Fred The Wrench wiped his brow and blurted  "I'm exhausted from fighting the low-lifes of the afterlife!!"... Sebastian chimed "We'll all feel better after we decompress our rattled senses."... "I'm sure ready for relaxation!!" squawked Peter The Parrot... "Let's open up a fresh box of Lorna Doone cookies and engage in some pleasant discussion and reflection." adds the distinguished sounding Larry Lamb... "I'M DOWNRIGHT POOPED OUT!!" squawked Peter The Parrot... Everyone shared a collective laugh at Peter's candid remark, and assembled together in a heartfelt group hug. Everyone's thankful to be back home and seemingly secure...

Our group are now in the kitchen area. All are seated with the exception of Maria, she's at the counter brewing her signature celestial tea and a black coffee for Fred... Sebastian speaks "We've been going through such trying times lately in our quest to bring civility in the face of the darkside's tormenting efforts of evil."... Larry Lamb dispenses his universally keen wisdom "Just like in the mortal world, the afterlife still maintains a struggle between the forces of good and evil. It can be a most tiring fight to endure. I'm so proud of all of you for never wavering in our mission of do-gooder drag racing civility enforcement. You've all proven to me time and time again that your dedication to fighting the good fight and upholding justice, is indeed your sole selfless enduring goal of their drag racing afterlife."... "Aw, shucks, boss." blurts Fred The Wrench "It's your leadership, Larry, that makes the rest of us able to stay on the right track."... Maria then asks  "Isn't it almost time for you to submit our yearly performance evaluations to the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's personnel office, Larry?"... "Why, yes, Maria." responds Larry, "And I am aware that you've put in a formal request to start doing some driving on the drag strip."... "Do you think I'll get a crack at it anytime soon?" inquires Maria... "Well," Larry answers "I assure to that I will include a note in your evaluation report that states my belief, that you deserve the opportunity to attempt the driving side of afterlife drag racing."... "Thanks, boss!!" says Maria with a smile...

"What about my request??" squawks Peter The Parrot... "What request was that?" replies Larry... "I put in a request with the administration that we try building a bracket car with lots of those newfangled electronics!!" Peter squawks back "It's time for us to try racing and beating those big dollar bracket gambler ghouls with their rides stuffed with electronic boxes and gizmos!!"... "NOW WAIT ONE GOSH DARN MINUTE!!" interjects a visibly unsettled Fred The Wrench "I AINT'S GOT NO WANTIN' WHATSOEVER TO BUILD A CAR WITH ELECTRONIC RACING BOXES AND GIZMOS!!"... "Ahhh, you're stuck in your own private time tunnel, Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot "You need to get with it, Fred! Electronics is a big part of the current racing scene!"... "Okay, fellows." Larry The Lamb says "No need for anyone to get riled up. Let's drop this issue momentarily and enjoy a stress reducing break."... "Hmmm" sounds a skeptical sounding Maria "When the boss tells us to drop an issue, that usually means it's a red hot button of discussion."... Sebastian chuckles at Maria's assessment and adds "Yeah, I've seen Fred and Peter arguing about electronics and drag racing a lot lately, especially when they're working together in the shop."... Fred blurts "Peter's really pushing the idea of us going electronics racing, and  that's got me spending sleepless nights, 'cause I ain't interested at all in putting little blinking boxes and wired gadgets in our cars to go racing!!"... "GET WITH THE TIMES, FRED!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "YOUR OLD FART RACING WAYS NEED A MAKEOVER!!"... "A MAKEOVER?!?" yells back an agitated Fred The Wrench "WHAT KIND OF WHIPPER SNAPPER BIRD BABBLE IS THAT?!?!"... "Gentlemen, gentlemen," interjects Larry Lamb "Take a deep breath and have a Lorna Doone cookie."... A borderline defiant Fred The Wrench stomps his boots "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, BOSS, UH, I CAN'TS RELAX UNTIL YOU PROMISE ME THAT WE AINT'S GOIN' ELECTRONICS DRAG RACING-- I DON'TS WANT TO DO IT-- I'M FROM A TIME WHEN DRIVERS RACED FROM THE SEAT OF THEIR PANTS!!!!"

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Well, what was supposed to be time to "chill" (as the kids would say) for our exhausted crew, has instead exploded into a fiery debate over whether or not to go electronics drag racing. While Peter The Parrot has apparently put in a formal request with the HDRA to explore the possibilities of electronics racing for our group, Fred The Wrench is vehemently opposed to the idea!! We haven't seen this contentious of a debate between Fred and Peter in many moons!!! How will this matter get settled?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we'd like to recognize National Teacher Appreciation Day. All too often we see the teaching profession overlooked and grossly under appreciated. From scores of emails that I've received over the years, I have been made well aware of all the many teachers who read this blog with steadfast regularity, and occasionally use some of my writings as a "teaching tool" for their knowledge hungry students-- I'm certainly somewhat proud of that fact. It makes me feel good for being able to write some blogs that are being used in classrooms all across the nation to further enlighten our impressionable American youths... I'd also like to utilize today's celebration of National Teacher Appreciation Day as a friendly reminder to encourage more teachers to make an effort to properly educate their students about the sport of drag racing, because we all know that drag racing is an activity that helps build strong character and determination in youngins.

 

 

On National Teacher Appreciation Day we salute our educators who use this drag racing blog as a teaching tool.


Congratulations to Ron Capps and the NAPA Funny Car crew on winning three major events in a row at this past weekend's Lucas Oil NHRA Southern Nationals at Atlanta Dragway. It appears that the 2016 flopper champ is getting some unbeatable mojo going on this season! And there's also a touch of "unbeatable mojo" happening for Top Fueler stalwart Steve Torrence, who scored his second consecutive win in a row at the Southern Nationals. It was also the second weekend in a row that LE Tonglet clinched a Pro Stock Motorcycle victory. And when it comes to the Pro Stock car class, Bo Butner, who won his first P/S "Wally" two weeks ago in Houston, managed to rack up another win at Atlanta. I've been told that fans were really packing the grandstands at this one, so much for the cockeyed contingent of blowhard snerts on the internet who frequently falsely proclaim that drag racing is a fading fluke! I want to congratulate ALL the pro and sportsman teams that made a good showing at the Southern Nationals. Keep in mind that the next event on the NHRA tour is the Menards NHRA Heartland Nationals presented by Minties at Heartland Park in Topeka, Kansas-- And don't forget that the NHRA Summernationls at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park will be here before you know it, come June 8-11, that's one that I never miss!!...

 

Congrats to Ron Capps on three in a row! A pic from many moons ago featuring Ron and yours truly at E'Town.


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent, that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


Today I want to remind those who reside in the northeastern neck of the woods that THE DIGS AT E'TOWN old school & traditional drag racing series returns to Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's 1/8th mile strip for another year this 2017 season... The nostalgia oriented series had a banner year last season, with record breaking car counts and spectator attendance, and I look forward to it getting even more popular for this season. Here's the 2017  "DIGS" dates-- Sunday July 2nd is the SUPER SURFING BLASTOFF, Sunday August 27th is HOT FUN SUNDAY, and Sunday October 29th is the DEAD MAN'S CURVE MONSTER BASH-- please take a brief moment to mark your calendar now and make plans to "BE THERE"!!... The gates open for each event at 9am in the morning and the action goes on until around 4pm in the afternoon... Being that it all happens at the 1/8th mile strip, you use the airport gate#4 entrance... Free tech card with paid adult admission for all pre-1965 hot rods, customs and U.S. bikes, Detroit muscle cars & street freaks thru 1979. Adult admission is $12, Kids 6-12 $6, Kids 5 years of age and under are FREE... For more details and further information please visit www.racewaypark.com

 

 

Looks like fun?? You're darn right it is!! It's THE DIGS AT E'TOWN old school & traditional drag racing series...


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Franky's & Felicia's predictions for this weekend's NHRA Southern Nationals in Commerce, Georgia prompted lots of responses. Natalie from Turpin, OK said, "The story Franky told about his cousin Sonny in Georgia, who cheated in a peach pie eating contest cracked me up silly. Who would ever hide peach pie filling in their sock like that?"-- George from Lodi, NJ wrote, "I love Felicia for picking Vincent Nobile to win Pro Stock. He's NHRA's most underrated doorcar driver."-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Melissa from Canton, CT writes, "Please bring Mike & Barbara back to do your race predictions. Franky & Felicia cross the line of sanity!... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Cecelia from all the way in Huddersfield, England said, "I once tried Lorna Doone cookies when visiting the States. Now I know why Larry Lamb likes them so much. They are such scrumptious cookie treats!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "As soon as the crew are done with their tea and coffee break, I hope they get back to some paranormal drag strip racing action really fast."-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog titled 'THOUGHTS & PRAYERS FOR ALL OUR FRIENDS IN THE SOUTH & MIDWEST WHO ENDURED SEVERELY DANGEROUS WEATHER CONDITIONS' prompted Jaclyn from Allenville, Missouri to write, "Thanks to Doc for not forgetting us suffering with nature's nasty side. Her kind words eased me and my husband's depression and  pain."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Abbey from Dietrich, ID in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Marvin is a blemish on drag racing's gender relations!"... My blog titled 'PAYING OUR RESPECTS TO JOHN MULDOWNEY, BELOVED SON OF SHIRLEY & JACK MULDOWNEY' caused Elaine from Fullerton, CA to comment, "Thanks for paying respects to John Muldowney. My condolences to Shirley Muldowney. The photo of a young John helping back up his mom's dragster touched me and brought tears to my eyes. Heart Like a Wheel is my favorite movie of all time."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


 

 Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's Lucas Oil NHRA Southern Nationals at Atlanta Dragway in Commerce, Georgia, one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. I've only been to Georgia once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family drove out there to support my cousin Sonny in a peach pie eating contest. Sonny got caught cheating and was disqualified. He was stuffing peach pie filling in his sock.... I'm glad Mike & Barbara got the shaft. Mike and Barbara were snooty posers. I didn't like the way they thought they were so much better than Felicia and me, with their so-called "scientific" formula of predicting winners. And I sure don't appreciate the way they made fun of my METS, or love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke. I know that Felicia and me occasionally get put on probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever. And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about some of my NY METS players having injuries that are gonna keep 'em on the bench way too friggin' long. That really hurts me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing down south this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I'm happy that Drag Racing Underground dropped the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for the Southern Nationals is Leah Pritchett. Yeah, I know she didn't win the Four-Wide last week, and I did predict her to, but hey, youse still can't take away the fact that she's still won a total of three races this early in the season. She's sending a message that she's top dog. And her enchanting eyebrows are still the best of all the racin' womens. I went to the beauty parlor with a pic of Leah, showed it to my girl, and told her THAT'S what I want MY eyebrows to look like-- My girl told me that she couldn't give me eyebrows like Leah Pritchett's, 'cause she says that Leah is super gifted in the eyebrow department and I aint's.

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win in Commerce, Georgia, just like she didn't win the last race in Concord, North Carolina.  And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's got the most gorgeous eyebrows in drag racing, and I tend to agree wit dat, but no way will lady luck be on her side this time. I'm going with Brittany Force and her team's Monster Energy dragster. Her crew is working like crazy crawlers to get Brittany a better rail for this weekend. I thinks a new car will make a difference and put her out front. Yeah, she went out first round last Sunday, but she'll be burnin' rubber THIS Sunday.  I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for frequently picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the sweet Georgia peach pie field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? And enough with talkin' 'bout peach pie, you're makin' me friggin' hungry. Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force despite da people calling you a "fanboy" is blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know Brittany might surprise everyone if she's in a new car, but, eh, I dunno, not dis weekend, baby. For my Southern Nationals Funny Car pick, I'm gonna go for who my pesky critics might refer to as somewhat of a 'longshot'. I'm predicting that Jeff "The Surfer" Diehl and his '11 Toyota are gonna be makin' some brutal drag racin' bacon on the hot Atlanta Dragway asphalt. And I like the way his wife Leeza gets into doing the back-up lady thing. I gots that feeling in my belly that underdog Diehl and crew from Salinas, California, are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Jeff Diehl, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, and think his wife is cool, she kinda looks a little like you, Felicia. BUT the Southern Nationals ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is doing what it so often does, it's zooming in on the cute face of Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle! And don't be surprised if you see her put Diehl and his surf board schtick on the trailer early on raceday. Sure, I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my frequent support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming NHRA Atlanta event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race of the early NHRA  2017 season, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've made in the past, every now and then I get an itch on my shoulder to pick 2nd generation sensation Vincent Nobile for Pro Stock. I like guys from Dix Hills, New Yawk, that town ain't too far away of a drive from our stomping grounds. I think Nobile and his Mountainview Tire '15 Camaro crew are gonna be unstoppable in Georgia. I believe they're gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Vincent Nobile is one tough doorslammin' guy, and I like the fact that he's sorta from our neck of the woods, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at the Southern Nationals. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she wasn't exactly setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod'-- It's so much better than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Yahtzee with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.