TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... A CRABBY THOUGH TOUCHING END TO A SUPER STOCK RACE & ILLEGAL SEAFOOD POACHING BUST?!?...


Posted by: lovely in MyBlog on Apr 19, 2017

Tagged in: Untagged 

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate and bust a drag strip in an alternative universe, allegedly functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted drag strip existing in a New England based wormhole, adjacent to an obscure portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a potent  '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere for competition.  There's a strong funky scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood that permeates through the air... There is indeed something 'fishy' going on here that's in need of being justifiably addressed by our upstanding heroic do-gooders...

Fortunately our gang were victorious in a heated Super Stock battle against a character who calls himself "Clawhammer Curtis"-- a lewd speaking and lanky standing man, with only one tooth and one lazy eye positioned on his forehead-- Clawhammer drove his sinister Cobra Jet Ford... Here's a brief recap of the race-- While driving his Belvedere, Sebastian was distracted by a pinching sensation, that turned out to be a large crab fiercely pinching him with aggressive tenacity... Clawhammer looked over at Sebastian in the opposing lane and giggled with ghastly gurgling, as he saw the crab that he sneakingly planted in Sebastian's car, performing its appointed duty, of distracting Sebastian from being able to focus his attention on the racing. This resulted in Clawhammer getting a healthy holeshot over Sebastian, due to the covertly-operating crab breaking Sebastian's concentration with every painful pinch. Then Sebastian was a recipient of what felt like a divine burst of additional horsepower sent from the 'Heavenly Hemi Gods'. Sebastian managed to accelerate within striking distance of Clawhammer-- HOWEVER, the pesky crab then continued pinching Sebastian with hellish agitation! BOTH RACERS WERE RAPIDLY MOVING TOWARDS THE FINISHLINE!!!-- A DRAG STRIP DUEL WAAAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!-- A REAL NAIL BITER OF A  SUPER STOCK DRAG RACE!!!!!. Then Clawhammer's Cobra got a case of mechanical gremlins in the last gasp to the finishline. Sebastian kicked his Belvedere in high gear and squeezed out a narrow, only-inches victory to activate the win light!!!...

"Thank heaven Sebastian pulled out that win!!" shouts Maria with enthusiasm... "Dear, me." interjects leader Larry Lamb "That was indeed too close and nerving of a round. We're all going to have to arrest Clawhammer and his cronies for using this strip as a front for an illegal seafood poaching operation!"... Peter The Parrot squawked, "I can't wait to bust these lowlifes!"... "IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE TO BRING THAT WISECRACKING CLAWHAMMER PUNK TO JUSTICE!!!" exclaims Fred The Wrench... Our gang arrive at the big end to meet with Sebastian, and prepare to start moving the wheels of heavenly drag racing afterlife justice in motion, to bust Clawhammer and the strip's illegal seafood poaching operation..."Alright!" yells Sebastian at Clawhammer as both racers step outside of their respective rides and remove their helmets, "We're on to you and your crooked cohorts!! We know that this drag strip is a front for a slimy illegal seafood poaching operation!! I want you and all your crew guys to lay face down on the ground with your hands over your heads!!"... "Whatever you say, pal." says Clawhammer with a wisecracking, though defeated sounding snicker in his tone... As Clawhammer and his four crews guys, who apparently are criminal associates in the operation get down to lay on the ground, they all metaphysically morph into crabs themselves!!!... "WHAAT THE ____?!?" exclaims Fred The Wrench as he witnesses the men turn into crabs now crawling on the pavement... "This simply can't be happening!!" says an aghast  Maria... "Oh, but it IS happening, sweetcakes!!" says the crawling crab that used to be the man called Clawhammer. "Ya see, me and my boys are the lost souls of seafood poaching seasons past. We were once illegally poached seafood ourselves, and when we were mercilessly boiled alive in a big pot, during a group of college kids' bonfire barbecue on the beach, our spirits escaped the pain and became the racing men of the afterlife that you saw us as just before."

"Oh, I get it." responds a now somewhat sympathetic Larry Lamb, "I'm sure the court of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association will take all your suffering and hardship into consideration when deciding your detention sentences and future fate."... "This is one of the oddest cases we've ever encountered!!" squawks a befuddled Peter The Parrot... Clawhammer now in crab form, twitches his crab claws while looking up from the ground at our group and proclaims "I would like Fred The Wrench to have my Cobra as a gift. I won't be needing it my current physical state and where I'm going. And even though I ribbed Fred pretty badly before, I could tell that he's a geezer guy who really has his heart rock solid  in this drag racing stuff. I want Fred to have my prized Cobra car."... "I-I-I don't know what to say," responds a now somber Fred The Wrench, "Truth is, Ford Cobras have long been a favorite muscle car with me. I really do appreciate the gift-- but hey, uh, why don't we just consider it a gift on loan while you do your time, Clawhammer--I'll do some modifications to it while yer in the joint, so that when you get out, I'll give it back to you, with even more horsepower and torque!"... "Thanks, Fred!" Clawhammer says with a little optimism in his crabby, mutated vocal delivery, "When I get out, I'm sure the authorities will allow me to live out the rest of eternity in a more human like form! Giving me the Cobra back, modified with your expert touch, Fred, gives me something to look forward to for when I'm released and free!"...  It's an awkward situation, when the so-called good guys and the so-called bad guys have more of a blur between them and their ethical convictions than a clear black and white line... Larry Lamb then activates a remote teleportation device that causes Clawhammer and his crony crabs to dissolve from this location and materialize at central booking of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's law enforcement division... Then Larry Lamb activates teleportation for our crew and their Belvedere to return back to home base headquarters...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... This sure was an episode with emotionally twisting drama related to metaphysical morality! Maybe Clawhammer and his cronies aren't so evil after all, being that they were once illegally poached seafood themselves, simple crabs from a New England shoreline, thrown in a boiling pot of water and spiritually transformed into poachers themselves with human form... Fred's and Clawhammer's unexpected touching exchange at the conclusion was a real tearjerker. Sometimes odd things like this happen in the unpredictable environment of the drag racing afterlife. Larry Lamb believes the Heavenly Drag Racing Association court will show leniency and mercy towards the unfortunate offenders. Our gang have wrapped things up, and teleported back to their home headquarters base, awaiting their next challenging assignment... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... WHAT THE HECK COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.