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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

For the last three years (though on and off due to bad behavior suspensions, etc) Franky & Felicia have been Drag Racing Underground's ultra-controversial NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. They gained a popular form of celebrity among the drag racing cyber community as being the slightly off-center, sweetheart couple who possessed a love for drag racing, and would make what many believe to be the most unconventional, colorful and entertaining NHRA drag racing predictions ever published in the entire history of the sport. We would have loved to continue presenting the couple to you for what would have been their fourth season in 2018, however, there's recently been an abrupt breakup of the couple. Evidently, Felicia could no longer tolerate Franky's excessive obsession with New York based musical entertainer Billy Joel, and the New York Mets baseball team. Those of you who are longtime regular readers of this blog are aware that Franky's over-the-top obsession with his own performing of Billy Joel karaoke at his local Queens NY bars, as well as his insistent need to take each and every NY Mets setback personally to heart, often seemed to even supersede his ability to competently focus his attention on his drag racing picks. Felicia told Drag Racing Underground's Stephanie, that she could no longer handle Franky's obsessive behavior related to Billy Joel and the NY Mets, and that she had no choice but to get out of her longtime relationship with Franky. There's also unsubstantiated rumors that Felicia is now in a romantic relationship with Franky's cousin, but we're not really sure yet as to whether or not that's true-- we're still sorting that out... That said, with the breakup of our NHRA national event predicting couple, we're now in talks with Franky, because he's expressed an interest in continuing doing the NHRA predictions feature by himself, as a solo prognosticator... Of course we missed publishing predictions for the recent NHRA Winternationals, and we weren't able to secure an arrangement yet for Franky to do predictions for this weekend's NHRA Arizona Nationals, but we're hoping to have everything worked out so that Franky will be back on this page in time for him to do his predictions for the NHRA Gatornationals scheduled in March-- we'll see. Below we posted the new proposed artwork for Franky's solo predictions feature that we're going to try to make happen soon... Feel free to send us your opinions (pro or con) regarding Drag Racing Underground's decision to keep Franky on board for the 2018 season by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page...





Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were engaged in their first mission of the New Year. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association assigned our crew a most challenging mission, teleporting them to a comet being directed through space by sinister 'snow creatures' from the Darkside Drag Racing Association-- a corrupted comet that was being navigated by the chilly creatures to eventually collide with planet earth and cause cataclysmic destruction. In a rare turn of events, our gang actually lost a Top Fuel dragster duel hosted at the comet's cold, creepy drag strip facility. HOWEVER, the loss turned out to be a blessing in disguise, due to their opponent, the demented 'snow creatures' driver, 'Freaky Frostbite', and his 'Below Zero Boys', recklessly celebrating their victory by drinking themselves into an inebriated state, along with all the other 'snow creature' racers, crew members, spectators and track workers, thus helping to facilitate our team's assignment of overtaking control of the 'snow creatures', and then redirecting the comet's projection so not to collide with planet earth a far easier task to initiate. Maria subdued the drunken 'snow creatures' further by using an ancient Mesopotamian chant to implement a form of metaphysical telekinesis generated submission. Sebastian located the comet's navigation console hidden in the strip's rickety timing tower, and just in the nick of time, leader Larry Lamb used it to steer the comet away from earth's path. Twas a scary but fortunately successful mission...

Our crew have teleported back home and are now comfortably situated in the kitchen/dining area of their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned racing headquarters and compound. They're relaxing and unwinding, as they discuss the more memorable and maniacal moments of their recent mission. Maria pours Larry Lamb a cup of her specially brewed celestial tea concoction and says, "That  fiendish 'Freaky Frostbite', his sleazy crew chief, 'Frigid Fug', and the rest of their  'Below Zero Boys' crew members were such a sleazy bunch of hot rodding hoods!"... "Indeed, they were among the Darkside Drag Racing Association's most dastardly of afterlife freezy species." concurs Larry Lamb as he dunks a square Lorna Doone shortbread cookie into his tea (regular readers of this feature are well aware that Lorna Doone cookies are Larry's favorite teatime treat)... Maria then pours Fred The Wrench his usual cup of piping hot black coffee, and adds, "When all those tanked-up snow cretins slid off the comet, when you, Larry, made that strong sharp turn to avoid the comet smashing into earth, I could hardly get over how surreal it looked to see them all then floating away into the abyss of deep space!"..."I'll say, that was a sight for sore eyes in my opinion!" chimes in Fred The Wrench as he gives Maria an appreciative nod of his head in thanks for the cup she just poured him of fresh java, "Those chilled characters really had their load on! I was getting dizzy from just watching all the iced shots and freezy beer floats they were suckin' down!!"...

"They sure did party hearty." blurts Maria as she rolls her brown eyes and moves on to pour a cup of coffee for Sebastian, and then, a tangy, fruit-loopy flavored juice beverage for Peter The Parrot, "Our losing that dragster duel was a colossal-sized blessing in disguise, because if all those hideous snow creatures didn't commence to drinking themselves cockeyed silly, in celebration of them beating us on the drag strip, our task of overpowering them and then diverting the direction of that potentially cataclysmic comet would have been a lot trickier."... "Yep-er-eee" squawks Peter The Parrot in agreement, "If them low-temperature lowlifes were straight and sober, we would have had a much harder time of successfully completing our mission!"... Maria sits down at the table and frowns "Darn it, I unfortunately forgot to put the cream and sugar on the table."... "I'll get it," says Sebastian as he goes to the kitchen counter to fetch the cream and sugar, "You've done enough, Maria. You deserve to take a load off and have someone serve you."... "Oh, that's so sweet of you, Sebastian" replies Maria..."While you're up, Sebastian," says Larry Lamb in his usual distinguished and refined tone, "Could you please be kind enough to pull a few more Lorna Doone cookies for me from the auxiliary confectionery cabinet?"... "Sure thing, boss" replies Sebastian... "Oh," continues Larry Lamb, "Before I forget to do so, I sincerely want to commend you, Maria, on your spectacular knack for coming up with such an effective ancient Mesopotamian chant on our mission. You managed to metaphysically debilitate those horrid creatures, so they were far less capable of resisting our life-saving strategy and mission for the benefit of all the innocent inhabitants of planet earth."...

"Thanks, boss" replies Maria as she takes a sip of tea, "I've come to learn, as you've so instilled in me over the last few weeks, that there's more to making a successful mission that just drag racing chops. It's often just as important that we use other metaphysical skills and techniques to reach our goals of defeating the drag racing afterlife's determined darkside."... Just as everyone appears settled in and relieved of stress, Larry Lamb's telekinesis activated timepiece beeps and sounds its audible alarm mechanism "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!"... Larry subsequently glances at the device and reads aloud the general gist of the urgent message to his subordinates "Oh, dear. It appears that the superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association already have another dangerous drag racing related assignment booked for us to embark on immediately. Evidently this one involves a 1960's time-warped Super Stock race in a parallel universe, where ogres, trolls and goblins subscribe to a ghastly geahead culture of sinister, spiritual, speed-freaky, soul-wrecking annihilation and demonized depravity!!"... Fred The Wrench slaps his hand on his head and sighs "Oh, brother, that figures, just when I was hoping to spend some time resting, and reading some of my old drag 'zines, and then taking a long overdue nap, but gosh, darn, golly, now we have to teleport out of here again and get back to work!!!"... "THAT'S the breaks, Freddy boy!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'll go out to the shop with ya, Fred, and help ya pick out a trick Super Stocker for the mission."... "Everyone do what you've got to do to prepare to teleport out of here!!!" commands Larry Lamb with a gasp of authority and urgency in his verbal delivery, "LET'S MOVE IT!!! ON THE DOUBLE!!!"...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Our drag racing afterlife do-gooders of heavenly, gearhead-grinding, collective consciousness were just barely catching their breath and beginning to unwind from their previous maniacal mission-- AND NOW, it appears that the superiors of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association have already assigned them yet another mission into the clutches of the corrupted Darkside Drag Racing Association's ghastly grip!!! It's going to be a circa 1960s time-warped Super Stock shindig with ogres, trolls and goblins!!! IT'S TIME FOR OUR COURAGEOUS CREW TO TELEPORT OUT, AND ONCE AGAIN FACE THE FIERCE AND FEROCIOUS UNKNOWN OF THE DARKSIDE'S DEMENTED EXTRATERRESTRIAL TERRITORIES OF DRAG RACING'S AFTERLIFE!!!!  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2018 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


With the somewhat somber news of Old Bridge Township Raceway Park ceasing all drag racing related operations, I've decided to implement a feature here on the blog titled THE BEST OF E'TOWN'S THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES video image & photo series. This series highlights choice video images and still photographs we've captured at E'Town over the decades. These are images that are lovingly handpicked from the massive Drag Racing Underground historical archives. This series is presented in the spirit of humble grace and gratitude for the 52 years that Old Bridge Township Raceway Park blessed us with so many cherished drag racing memories. We're presenting this regular and ongoing feature with heartfelt appreciation for all the many good years and memories we've accumulated over time from the place I like to compassionately refer to as my "home away from home track"... Today's installment of this series features a "fish-eyed" camera lens view photograph of Emedio DeMarco's classic  1963 "Gunsmoke" Dodge Belvedere nostalgia super stocker situated in the Raceway Park staging lanes. This image was shot at the bold, busy and bustling MOPARS AT E'TOWN event back in the Summer of 2006. The event was a yearly favorite among the so-called hardcore "Mopar or No Car" muscle car enthusiasts. Be sure to stay tuned right here on this page for many more installments of THE BEST OF E'TOWN'S THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES video image & photo series...

 

 

 


With all due respect to NASCAR and Danica Patrick, I just have to ask, why did yesterday's news story of Danica Patrick's last running of the Daytona 500 (which she unfortunately crashed and didn't finish in), garner far more combined mainstream press and media attention than all the combined female Drag Racing related wins and championships over the last four decades? Sure, I genuinely admire Danica Patrick for her guts, gusto and driving skills necessary to actively participate in roundy-round racing over the years. And I certainly respect the fact that she plans on finishing up her driving career for good at the upcoming Indy 500, and I wish her the best, but gee whiz, it'd sure be nice to see Drag Racing's gals get even a fraction of the mainstream media attention that Danica Patrick does. Yesterday the mainstream media was bombarding us with bombastic, over-the-top hype & hoopla surrounding Danica Patrick's Daytona 500 appearance, when those of us who are really in-the-know, are well aware of the fact that the sport of Drag Racing has long accepted women in the driver's seat since the stone age. And unlike roundy-round racing, our women frequently go rounds and finish up their raceday in the winner's circle. No other motorsport is as "gender friendly" as Drag Racing. Wouldn't it make sense for the mainstream media to digest that fact, and give us a little more respect and attention for our longstanding and historic gender equality policy? I sincerely believe that both the women of the sport and the sport itself deserves more mainstream media recognition for that fabulous and admirable fact. Don't you??...

 

 


Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When bigots like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2018. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


WILL TOMORROW'S DAYTONA 500 PULL NASCAR OUT OF ITS SLUMP??...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I hardly ever post anything roundy-round racing related on this blog, however, since it's become all too apparent that drag racing is having a somewhat rough go of it in specific and different sectors and markets of the sports/entertainment business, I thought I'd use today's blog to shed a little light on NASCAR's problems. According to the seasoned "experts" (like "Big Jim" of the Drag Racing Underground gang who follows roundy-round racing), NASCAR has been struggling quite a bit over the last couple of seasons, their "casual spectator" count is down considerably, as is their TV viewer ratings (although it's worth noting that drag racing's TV ratings are up considerably of late.) With all of that said, I have to wonder whether or not all the hype and hoopla surrounding tomorrow's amply-promoted DAYTONA 500 will provide any sort of pick-me-up for the NASCAR sanctioning organization? The Daytona, Florida, based Monster Energy NASCAR cup race is being touted as "the final NASCAR appearance for Danica Patrick," and we all know what a big motorsport star she is, despite not having nearly as many wins as some of our drag racing gals have racked up, Danica is indeed a household name these days among much of mainstream America. Is NASCAR going to be able to dig themselves out of their slump with the 60th running of the DAYTONA 500? I guess we'll just have to see how it all goes tomorrow... Oh, and please, I ask that some of my more grouchy and ornery regular readers go easy on all the "hate mail" I now anticipate for diverting from drag racing for just one day and giving NASCAR racing a little play...

 

 

If yours truly was ever to roundy-round race, I'd drive something like this old school low-riding Mercury Montery


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog, titled "THOUGHTS & PRAYERS AREN'T ENOUGH", dealing with the mass murder at Stoneman Douglas High School in south Florida resulted in many of you taking the time to write in (some of you doing so very passionately and emotionally). Katherine from Boca Del Mar, FL said, "I live a town over from where the school shooting happened. Doc is absolutely right that people don't need semi automatic weapons or bump stokes to hunt food for their families. The gun lobbies are costing the lives of our children almost every week. When will America wake up?"--   On the far other side of the opinion fence, Glen from Carbondale, IL wrote, "As American citizens we can own and discharge any lethal weapon we choose. When I purchased my collection of AR-15 rifles, it was my constitutional right according to scripture and lord Jesus Christ.."...  Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Demetrius from all the way in Rybnik, Poland said, "I would like to know where Maria finds her ancient Mesopotamian chants. I would be happy to learn some for use against evil in my country." -- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Even though our team lost the battle on the drag strip, they did win the war by diverting the comet's path from colliding with earth."... My blog titled "WHEN IT COMES TO DRAG RACING'S ACCEPTANCE OF WOMEN, DON'T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH" caused a huge number of responses from readers. Helen from Wattsburg, PA said, "I agree with Doc that drag racing's acceptance of female drivers may one day be the main thing saving it from extinction. My daughters tell me that drag racing is the only motorsport they can enjoy watching because it's inclusive of women. Women probably will be an asset to drag racing's survival in the future."-- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Bernard from Dell Rapids, SD said, "Girls are nothing but an annoyance at the track. I never liked seeing the batty womens in race cars. When the announcers make a fuss about how drag racing allows the girls to drive I shut off the TV set."... My blog expressing swift recovery wishes for Brittany Force inspired Natalie from Buchanan, NY to chime in, "I was scared when seeing Brittany crash at the Winternationals. I'm glad she's going to be okay."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Colleen from Newark, Del in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "I would have an order of protection from a judge if a creep like Marvin ever came within my orbit."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


Originally, my trusty assistant Stephanie and Drag Racing Underground's "Big Jim", had a far more gearhead-ish topic of a blog planned for me to submit for today's installment, however, with what just happened yesterday (Valentine's Day), at the Stoneman Douglas High School in south Florida, I felt compelled to scrap the subject of drag racing today, and say some words regarding yesterday's horrific school shooting... I for one, am getting a bit tired of the "thoughts and prayers" schtick surfacing every other week, when someone enters one of America's schools, and starts killing innocent kids (I think yesterday's was the 18th so far this year, and it's only mid-February)... This whole school shooting thing has unfortunately become the "new normal", and something we're now supposed to accept as commonplace, instead of having the bravery and courage to stand up and say the truth, the truth that kids killing their classmates in our schools is waaay-wrong and completely cockeyed!... It's way overdue for us to start putting common sense ahead of our blind stupidity on the issue of guns in America, especially the AR-15's and "semi-automatic" variety, that have become the "weapon(s) of choice" in these persistent attacks. I have ancestors who used to go hunting for the sole purpose of providing food for their family, and they sure didn't need a "semi-automatic weapon", or a gun with a "bump stock" like that mass murderer in Vegas used to kill concertgoers in order to bring home food from a hunting trip. A simple rifle was enough... Let's get real and dump the insane rightwing-ish rhetoric that says these weapons and accessories are okay in the hands of America's unstable population. And let's also put our foot down and make "background checks" a more serious issue requiring due diligence, instead of the joke and "wink wink" negligence that the background check process has become these days. Much of Congress, and many politicians in general, need to stop being the shills of the gun lobby, and bring some common sense to legislation, and do their job of protecting Americans from this new slew of predators armed with semi-automatic weapons. Good Grief! Enough is enough! Let's all please work fast to fix this miserable mess of weaponry mayhem, and put the brakes on the constant carnage of this so-called "new normal" nightmare that's infecting America...

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are engaged in their first mission of the New Year. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association assigned our crew a challenging mission, teleporting them to a comet being directed through space by sinister 'snow creatures' from the Darkside Drag Racing Association. It's a corrupted comet being navigated to eventually collide with planet earth and cause cataclysmic destruction. Our gang have just finished competing in a Top Fuel matchrace being held at the cold, creepy drag strip facility, located in the middle of the icy comet. In an exceptionally rare turn of events, our team were defeated in the deranged dragster duel. HOWEVER, the loss may be a blessing in disguise, due to their opponent, the demented snow creatures' driver, 'Freaky Frostbite', and his 'Below Zero Boys', now recklessly celebrating their victory by drinking themselves into a complete cockeyed inebriated state (DRUNK!). All the other 'snow creature' racers, crews, spectators and track workers are also consuming excessive amounts of alcohol. This could possibly make our crew's task of overtaking control of the 'snow creatures', and then redirecting the comet's projection, so that it DOESN'T collide with earth somewhat easier... It's a time-traveling, circa 1960 drag racing scene, in a twisted time-warped extraterrestrial environment of maniacal mayhem. Maria still maintains her theory that she can even further subdue the 'snow creatures' by using an ancient Mesopotamian chant to implement a form of metaphysical telekinesis generated suspended submission...

Fiendish 'Freaky Frostbite', his sleazy crew chief, 'Frigid Fug', and the rest of their  'Below Zero Boys' crew members are jumping up and down in gloating celebratory jubilation as a result of their digger win over Sebastian and our do-gooder crew... "We're gonna get our load on now!" gurgles Frigid Fug to his teammates "Iced shots and freezy beer floats for everyone!!"... "Listen up!" interjects the event director Rosco, "I know it's a tradition for all of us to party hearty after a big win, but remember, we're going to be plowing this comet into planet earth soon, so y'all better party and get drunk fast, 'cause we're all gonna be history once this comet hits and destroys earth!"... "Hmmm" discreetly murmurs leader Larry Lamb to Fred, Peter, Maria, and Sebastian aka 'The Phantom Racer', "Our losing this race may actually be a colossal-sized blessing in disguise, because if all these hideous snow creatures are now commencing to drink themselves cockeyed silly, that should make our task of overpowering them in order to divert the direction of this potentially cataclysmic comet a heck of a lot easier, than as opposed to if they were straight and sober."... "Agreed, boss." replies Maria "You've got a good point with that intellectually strategic slant on the situation."... Freaky Frostbite, Frigid Fug and the 'Below Zero Boys' break out boxes and boxes of booze. All the spectators and track workers also start rapidly consuming outrageous amounts of alcohol and are rapidly becoming inebriated...

Wow!" blurts Maria, "With all of these snowy goons getting drunk, they'll definitely be easier to overtake and put into a state of submission."... "Absolutely," concurs Sebastian, "We just lost THE BATTLE on the drag strip, BUT, with all these snow creatures celebrating their win, and getting their load on, we now have far more of an advantage at winning THE WAR!"... Loud music starts blaring over the P.A. system. Snow creatures are chugging iced shots and freezy beer floats at an accelerating pace. They're dancing and carrying on likes there's no tomorrow-- Well, actually, with all of them gruesomely anticipating that the comet their occupying is going to collide with Earth, they have every reason to indeed believe that there is NO TOMORROW for their own sinister species of afterlife delinquency... It's high time for our heavenly do-gooders to get busy and make a move to take on these snow-saturated drunks, and then somehow redirect the path of this comet to insure that there IS a TOMORROW for the innocent inhabitants (circa 1960 time warp) of planet earth!... "Hey, Maria!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I think that rickety timing tower over there is the highest point of this comet's landscape, making it the best place for you to project one of your potent ancient Mesopotamian chants to disable the collective consciousness of the snow creatures!"... "Uh, yeah," adds Fred The Wrench "I'll function as an offensive guard to block any resistance from the snow creatures as we hustle over to the timing tower."... "That sounds like a plan!" replies Maria... And with that, our whole crew begins briskly walking to the timing tower, passing and bumping into droves of snow creatures, so drunk that they seem utterly unaware of even our gang's existence...

Upon arriving on the top floor of the rickety timing tower, all the track staff are gone, they're out partying among the other snow creatures in the pits and on the strip. Sebastian turns off the manic music that's playing over the PA system, and he hands a murky microphone over to Maria... Maria then rolls her glowing brown eyes back in a trance like manner, drawing divine metaphysical energy from a higher power, she then robustly dictates over the P.A. system an ancient Mesopotamian chant for the snow creatures to hear and absorb into their potently profoundly perverted psyche, "SNOW CREATURES OF DARKNESS AND WICKED SIN, I ORDER YOU FROZEN SOLID AND IMMOBILE LIKE TIN!!! I NOW RENDER YOU INCREASINGLY WEAK AND FEEBLE, SO WE CAN REDIRECT THIS COMET FROM PUMMELING EARTH'S INHERENTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!"...

All the snow creature freeze and are now suspended in a paralyzing form of overt extraterrestrial time warp... Sebastian frantically searches for some kind of device in the timing tower that controls the direction of the comet's path, "BINGO!!! I FOUND IT!!! THIS MUST BE IT!!!" Sebastian then points to a hidden console located in a desk drawer that's falsely labeled 'E.T. slips'...  "Let me see that!" says Larry Lamb with a glee of hope in his voice, "Aha, it appears this joy stick is what steers the comet's projectile."... "Ya better act mighty fast, boss!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "It looks like we're only mere seconds away from plowing into planet earth!!!"... Larry navigates the joy stick-ish device so the comet takes an abrupt and drastic curve in direction, knocking everyone off their feet and sliding to one side of the crude timing tower floor, and also subsequently causing all the sinister snow creatures outside, to quickly drift and slide their snowy spirits entirely off the surface of the comet, floating away by the hundreds into the dark abyss of outer space!!!... The comet just barely misses colliding into planet earth by a waaay too close for comfort margin!!! Larry Lamb then struggles to get back up on his hooves, and reaches for the joy stick again, now successfully steering the comet to a more stable (and far less fatal) course of safe celestial travel. Our do-gooders are now able to finally catch their breath and gain a somewhat more relieved state of composure. They collectively shout together in joyful unison "YIIIPPEEE!!!! WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!!! WE SAVED PLANET EARTH FROM COMPLETE AND UTTER ANNIHILATION AND OBLITERATION!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  In the grand scheme of this ongoing story, it's somewhat surprising, that the dragster pairing of Sebastian aka The Phantom Racer against Freaky Frostbite and his 'Below Zero Boys', resulted in an ultra-rare drag strip loss for our do-gooder team. HOWEVER, our crew's defeat did indeed turn out to be the proverbial "blessing in disguise."  Freaky Frostbite, his 'Below Zero Boys' and ALL the snow creatures celebrating their victory with reckless, massive consumption of alcohol, did indeed make our crew's objective of overpowering them, and preventing the sinister snow creatures from directing the comet into earth an easier task!!!!  THE SNOW GOONS WERE HURLED OFF THE COMET AND ARE NOW SUSPENDED IN DEEP SPACE AND THE DARK ABYSS!!! OUR DO-GOODERS GAINED CONTROL OF THE COMET'S NAVIGATION, DIVERTING IT FROM A PATH OF DOOM FOR EARTH!!!! NOW WE MUST ASK, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT IN THIS METAPHYSICAL SAGA?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2018 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


There's a certain trend among some of the drag racing internet's so-called "know-it-alls" that I find to be kind of selfish and even somewhat stupid, some of the "know-it-alls" have a tendency to whine, complain and lash out over the fact that during drag racing TV coverage, the commentators tend to occasionally make the point that drag racing is the most "woman friendly" of all motorsports, especially when it comes to openly accepting women as serious participants and competitors. Well boo hoo! (sarcastic). Give me a break! Have you ever heard the expression "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?-- It means not to be unappreciative of a valuable gift or handout-- And that's exactly what some of the internet "know-it-alls" are guilty of each and every single time they whine about TV commentators talking up the fact that drag racing's the most "woman friendly" of all motorsports. Ya see, drag racing, as a sport, in today's ultra competitive sports/entertainment marketplace, needs every inch and bit of marketing advantage it can possibly get. So in our current climate of widespread/mainstream feminist culture, it sure is a GOOD THING to let the planet know that drag racing has a long history of accepting women drivers, and that we continue to add more ladies to the cockpit with each and every passing season! Just because as a "know-it-all", you're aware that drag racing has a history of gal gearheads, that doesn't make it right for you to cop an attitude when TV commentators bother to tell a massive novice audience who aren't necessarily veteran "know-it-alls"... Us drag racing folks don't have the luxury to not mention or promote facts about our sport that might help it endure and survive in this current dog-eat-dog sports/entertainment marketplace! Get Real!... I know from my own experience as being a female drag racing journalist, that there's still bigotry against women out there that needs to be addressed. I once had a long sit down with Shirley Muldowney, and I can guarantee you that after all the bigot grief she's had to deal with over the decades, she'll never take the fact that drag racing has come a long way in accepting women for granted. So stop all the whining and complaining when a TV commentator plays up our "woman friendly" sport-- it may someday serve as the most important feature of drag racing to save it from extinction-- and that's NOT an exaggeration... Think about it... It's definitely high time for some of our ignorant slanted people to lose all their cockeyed "know-it-all" blowhard posturing that's internally infecting them and get with the program for drag racing's self preservation... Thanks...

 

Shirley Muldowney & yours truly. 2  ladies who will never take drag racing's acceptance of women for granted.


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