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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Below is a photo snapped back in the summer of 2014... We see race teams going through the effort to display their cars at the Wick Plaza Mall in Edison, New Jersey, in conjunction with promoting their appearance at nearby E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS event. I genuinely admire racers who reach out to the "mainstream public" to help promote the sport, 'cause in order for this drag racing stuff to be able to endure through future years and generations, it definitely needs new and young people to establish an interest in it.... We have to do all that we possibly can to secure the sport's ability to endure long after we're all dead and gone-- That means to be far more welcoming and embracing of wet-behind-the-ears youngins and novice level fans. Too often (especially on the internet) we see crusty, bigoted geezers aggressively trying to scare away younger folks for reasons that I'll never quite understand. We have to change that pathetic pattern of bullying behavior. Be kind to the youngins expressing an interest in drag racing (even if their questions may sound silly at first)-- We desperately need youth to insure the sport's long term survival... Use your head to think ahead for the sport...

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were mighty busy modifying a digger, after believing that tomorrow's match race booking, to compete at a faraway drag strip, located somewhere near galaxy GN-z11, is a track that's 2 entire miles long. And to make matters worse, the racing facility is dominated by the drag racing afterlife's darkside team, who have a stronghold on the competition, and are cheating every possible way they can-- And it's also worth noting that the darkside motivated team have covert insiders working within the track's administration, weaving a complicated web of interstellar drag racing corruption... Maria walked into the shop, she sees Fred The Wrench, Sebastian and Peter The Parrot frantically dissembling one of their dragsters, in order to modify it to handle a ridiculously extended strip... "I GOT YOUR COFFEE, FRED!" Maria shouted, so she could be heard over the power tools and Fred's 8-track player loudly blaring out his favorite Hank Williams tape...  "PUT IT ON MY WORKBENCH, MARIA!" Fred replied... "OH, MARIA?" shouted Sebastian from underneath the dragster's propped-up undercarriage, "CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME MY SOCKET WRENCHES FROM THE CABINET??"... Using the power of telekinesis, Maria makes the socket wrenches move from the cabinet, to softly land next to Sebastian's shoulders on the shop floor... "WE HAVE TO EXTEND THE FRAME RAILS ON THIS DIGGER TO HOLD ADDITIONAL ENGINES!!" blurted Fred... Leader Larry Lamb then came trotting into the shop, "ATTENTION, PLEASE-- I JUST SPOKE WITH THE BRASS FROM THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION.-- THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE IN WHAT WE ORIGINALLY THOUGHT WAS THE LENGTH OF THE DRAG STRIP."... "OH, GOOD!" says Fred, "SO IT AIN'T TWO MILES LONG??"... "UH, NO" replies Larry as he hesitates a second or two, with visible weariness on his woolly face  "IT'S NOT TWO MILES LONG-- UH, I'M AFRAID IT'S ACTUALLY  2000 MILES IN LENGTH!!"... "WHHAAAT?!?!?!" shouted Fred The Wrench with amplified frustration in his voice "2000 MILES LONG?!?!?!? GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!! YOU GOTS TO BE  KIDDING US, BOSS?!?!?"

 

"AFRAID NOT, FRED" shouts back Larry, "AND I ADVISE THAT YOU PLEASE TURN THAT HANK WILLIAMS TAPE DOWN, SO THAT WE CAN CONCENTRATE ON FORMULATING A STRATEGY FOR OUR IMPENDING RACE BOOKING!!"... Fred waddles over to his greasy old 8 track player and turns the music down... "That's better." says Larry in a voice of considerably less volume than before, "Now then, let's figure out how we're going to prepare a rear-engined nitro dragster to compete, and hopefully win on a 2000 mile drag strip."...  "I thinks we need to get some kind of multiple engine configuration going on, boss." blurts Fred... "Yeah," adds Sebastian, "maybe a set-up where multiple engines can alternate the workload during the duration of the 2000 mile stretch."... "How many engines??" inquires Larry... "Well," Fred says, "When I originally thought the track was two miles long, I figured eight engines would do the trick, an engine for each quarter of a mile, but now that we're talkin' two thousand miles, I gots to really think this out again."... "How do those creeps from the darkside engineer their winning dragsters that run on the 2000 mile course??" squawks Peter The Parrot into the conversation... "That's a good question, Peter." says Larry, "let me enter that inquiry into the hybrid metaphysical computer system on my wrist."... Several seconds elapse after Larry telepathically enters his question into the computer... "Hmmm, it says that my question is unanswerable!!" sighs Larry... Maria then says with a slightly tempered raised eyebrow  "The darkside must be keeping that information top secret, they don't want anyone, especially us, to know how to build a dragster to compete against them on their creepy celestial turf!!"... "Right you are, Maria." replies Larry "We are in quite a pickle as they say, to put our stressed situation in the simplest of common layman's terms."... "Awww, heck." says Fred as he stomps his ragged work boots on the shop floor, "I'm gonna have to create at least three hundred engine apparitions, with flexible, transparent mass, that Maria can have alternate power through the course, using her gift of telekinesis."... "WHOA!!" says Maria, "Granted, I can get Sebastian's socket wrenches to him from the cabinet using telekinesis, BUT, I don't know if I have the skill to manipulate three hundred nitro engines through a 2000 mile drag strip course using my telekinesis abilities!!!"... Larry rubs his woolly chin, then looks Maria straight in the eyes, "You're going to have to do it, dear. I doubt there's any other way, or alternative, to deriving a workable racing strategy, especially in such a short span of time, the pressure is on, Maria."...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... And yes, the pressure is on, especially for Maria and her telekinesis abilities!!!... As all of us who are tuned into the metaphysical world are well aware, telekinesis is the ability to move and manipulate objects with one's mind-- If Fred The Wrench and crew ARE able to complete modifying a dragster with over 300 engine apparitions of transparent mass, placed between the extended frame rails, will Maria be able through the power of telekinesis to manipulate the motors, so they'll successfully alternate the power workload and function flawlessly over a straight 2000 mile drag strip?!??! Will the team be able to go rounds and show the darkside corrupted race scene that do-gooders who play fair and square can triumph over evil?!?!?!... WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


OUR AGGRESSIVE ANTI-ROAD RAGE CAMPAIGN... LET'S SAVE LIVES IN 2016...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

 

Today we're posting our current public service message campaign conceived by the concerned, creative and compassionate minds of Drag Racing Underground. We've received critical acclaim for our previous "Take a Date to the Drags" public service message campaign. This new campaign is designed to tackle a far more serious matter, a matter of life and death, an issue that must be addressed in order to save lives on America's busy highways and byways. We're talking about the growing problem of "ROAD RAGE"... Did you know that on average, there's only one shark attack fatality every two years? However, road rage is linked to well over 200 deaths and 13,000+ injuries per year! Please take a brief moment to absorb these startling statistics, and contemplate just how dangerous the issue of road rage has become in today's "automotive oriented culture". When "hot heads" get behind the wheel of a car, they're a genuine threat to the safety of you, your kids, and every member of your precious family. Please do a Google search of "road rage" and get yourself educated about it, then openly discuss the subject with all those you love-- educate them, advise them to not fall prey to this new "killer epidemic" ravaging our modern society. Now is definitely the time to address this unsettling matter with your beloved kin. Hopefully we'll all be able to work together to make a difference. Please do the right thing by sharing this blog with as many people possible. Let's be smart and do everything we possibly can to save lives!! It's high time to tackle this serious issue and the deranged danger it imposes on our civilized way of life.


PLEASE ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS TO COME OUT TO THE DRAGS!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

It's no secret that out of all the media and organizations related to this drag racing stuff, nobody works harder in campaigning to get people out to the drags as Drag Racing Underground does... Today's blog installment is just that... Those of us who go to the drag strip with regularity should be making an effort to encourage "non drag racing inclined folks" to also get out to the drags and sample the fun and fury of it all. Sure, we know going to the drags is a blast, so let's make a point of telling others about it, and convince them to give it a try. The only way this drag racing stuff will survive into the future is if more people actually get out to the tracks and support the scene in person! C'mon, spread the word that the drags are a great way to spend the day!

 

 


HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES & BEST OF LUCK TO ALEXIS DeJORIA...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I want to dedicate today's edition of the blog to expressing happy belated birthday wishes to one of my favorite people in the sport, NHRA professional Funny Car racer Alexis DeJoria (her birthday was just yesterday September 24th). We're all certainly glad that she's back in the driver's seat, recovered from her recent mishap during the first round of eliminations at the Sonoma Nationals in California, when she was competing against John Force, and her Patron Toyota Camry lost traction and made a violent turn to the left, making impact with the concrete retaining wall. Although Alexis was able to exit the vehicle under her own power after the incident, she was later diagnosed with a high-energy fracture of the left pelvis, caused by the impact of striking the retaining wall. Fortunately, now she's healed and back in her hot rod. As this blog goes to press, Alexis is currently qualified No# 9 this weekend among the NHRA Midwest Nationals flopper field in scenic St. Louis, Missouri. We all wish her and her trusty Tequila Patron Camry team the very best. Alexis has always been an extremely brave woman in my eyes, and I believe her resilient spirit will greatly aid in her ability to make some more winning history in the driver's seat...

 

 


We've been receiving quite a few emails of late, sort of "complaining" (for lack of a better word) about my recent more frequent absence from my blog duties here at Drag Racing Underground. (some of those "complaints" have already been printed in our FEEDBACK FRIDAY feature). And yes, it's kind of understandable, and it's even a little flattering that there's folks who like my blogging enough to actually care that much, to write and express their feelings. It's a sentiment that I certainly appreciate. However, I'm also of the belief that my trusty assistant Stephanie, and the other guest bloggers we bring in to substitute for me in my absence, do a pretty darn good job as well. And I ask that you please give them a chance, and try to enjoy their efforts when they appear on this page, because as I've indicated before, my Big Stick (music thing) recording responsibilities are, and will be, continuing to make my available time to do this blog less and less as we move through 2016... That said, I still do my best to try to give my attention to Drag Racing Underground and this blog page as much as humanly possible. After all, I definitely do love drag racing and the great people of the drag racing scene... Making the upcoming Big Stick album happen is taking a lot of my time and effort. And I'm glad to report that it's all paying off. There's only two songs remaining that we're still recording and mixing. Fortunately most of the tracks are done, and I'm happy with 'em. For those of you who'd like to hear the Big Stick back catalog, it's available on iTunes, Spotify and most of the popular cyber music outlets. I think music and drag racing are both groovy scenes that go hand in hand for me-- I sure hope that those of you folks who have expressed your, er, "discontent" (for lack of a better word) recently, regarding me not being on this page as much as I used to, can please try to understand that a little better...


A somewhat blurred photograph from a recent BIG STICK recording session at the studio. The fellow is studio engineer Eric Rachel. On the right is the talented bari-sax gal Paula Henderson, and standing up front is yours truly doing some sort of ridiculous and completely incomprehensible hip musician's finger configuration. HA!! We're getting the Big Stick record done.


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog from Franky & Felicia, featuring their picks for this weekend's NHRA Midwest Nationals in St. Louis caused an onslaught of emails, some positive, though admittedly some not very positive at all. David from Exter, CA said, "I'm on board with Franky's smart choice of picking Brittany to win Top Fuel."-- Ralph from Dix Hills, NY chimed in, "Thanks to Felicia for picking my local boy Vincent Nobile to take Pro Stock this Sunday!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Pete from Hilliard, FL wrote, "Franky's picks are always the same drivers! He's a predictable jerk!"-- Raymond from Somerset, NJ said, "Why the ****  is Franky telling us about how sick he got from sampling too many bottles of budweiser at the St. Louis brewery???"-- Michael from Atlanta, GA wrote, "Inform Franky that the reason why the Mets lost to the Braves is because Cespedes is a lazy slob!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Amelia from all the way in Mugla, Turkey said, "It was wonderful the way Maria used telekinesis to send Sebastian his tools!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I'm having strong doubts that the team is capable of modifying a dragster to race a two thousand mile strip in a distant galaxy!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My recent installment of DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND'S ONGOING EDUCATIONAL & ENLIGHTENMENT SERIES resulted in many responses. Stosh from Fallon, NV said, "Thanks for telling the public that atmospheric pressure and other weather related variables play a substantial role in how a crew chief tunes a race car."-- Teddy from Neptune, NJ typed, "Doc's valuable insight and ability to educate her readers is why I read her blog almost every morning of the week."-- Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.



Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their second season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first season!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the 'Contact Us' link at the top of this page... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's AAA NHRA Midwest Nationals happening at Gateway Motorsports Park in St. Louis, Missouri. I've only been to St. Louis once in my life, when I was in my early 20s, I did a short vacation trip there with my cousin Enzo from Jersey. We did the tourist tour of the historic Anheuser-Busch Brewery, and I got sick 'cause I sampled way too many bottles of Budweiser. I'm still kinda on probation says the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that I made here several weeks ago, so I guess I gots to try to be more subdued in some of the things I'm sayin' here today. Whatever, whatever.  And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm very upset about the NY Mets loss to the Atlanta Braves. Yoenis Cespedes was robbed of a possible game winning home run. That really hurt. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New York Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I don't thinks it was so smart of you dissing Drag Racing Underground and the Doc lady in our predictions feature. They seems like nice people to me. I thinks you're just in a bad mood 'cause of all da Mets drama in your life! My Top Fuel pick for the Midwest Nationals is Antron Brown. He won in Charlotte last week and got a good start in the NHRA Mello Yello countdown. He's first in points and is on his way to his second straight Top Fuel championship.

Franky: No way is Antron Brown gonna win at St. Louis this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Antron Brown fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break.  I'm going with Brittany Force in her Monster Energy dragster. I am aware that I gots a little thing for Brittany, only 'cause I thinks she looks kinda like Felicia, bein' that you boths got blonde hair, but I do believe Brittany's a skilled driver.  And don't forget that she won at Brainerd, just like I predicted here last month, and she was just the number #2 qualifier in Charlotte last week, and when she lost in the second round to your hero Antron Brown, that was one of the closest races of the season, Antron got lucky that time, winning that race by a hair. If Brittany gets paired up with Antron this weekend, he's going on the trailer, babe!  I'm  predicting that Brittany and her team are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the Midwest Nationals field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky.  It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force 'cause you thinks she looks kinda like me is nothin' but silly-puddy and  blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know she won Brainerd, and was a high qualifier in Charlotte. However, I don't thinks she'll win at Gateway Motorsports Park , if she does win, I'll buy you a whole case of that Monster Energy drink. How's that suit ya?!? My Funny Car pick is for Del Worsham. He's on fire and is still second among the flopper pack in overall points, nipping at the heals of Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps' fireboots. Del's been in lots of final rounds lately, he won two rounds in Charlotte. Del is itching to defend his 2015 championship, and repeat this season as finishing up in the number one spot. I gots that feeling in my belly that Del and the DHL crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Del "Babyface" Worsham, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the Midwest Nationals ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash her TRAXXAS Chevy Camaro Funny Car on the competition and give 'em a pounding! She's in a good points position, forth, I think. Not to mention the fact that she's now the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. She qualified in the top 8 at Charlotte. She lost in the first round of last weekend's race 'cause her car got wiggly, I assure you, that ain't gonna happen again in St. Louis! I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming Midwest Nationals event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!?  Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For the Midwest Nationals, I'm gonna pick Vincent Nobile to take Pro Stock. He's shown the world he can give the fast factory hot rods a hard time-- He's gotta win this one. He qualified 3rd in Charlotte where he went a couple grueling rounds of racing, and he's 3rd in the points chase. I thinks he and his Mountain View Tire team are gonna be unstoppable in St. Louie. I believe that New Yoiker Nobile and his Camaro are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Vincent Nobile is one tough local doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at Gateway. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she ain't exactly setting the world on fire this season, and I realize that she failed to make the field at Charlotte, but that was a fluke, that ain't gonna happen again. She's still in the points, though all the way at the bottom 10th spot, but so what, I believe in miracles happening for Erica. After all, don't forget that she did make it all the way to the semi-finals at Brainerd, so there is reason for some hope, I thinks. She's gonna get that Dart into the winner's circle yet, I bet ya that St. Louis is going to be her comeback race. And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Pinochle with that wise-cracking kid you're mentoring down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

 

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

 

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were kicking back after successfully expelling from their racing operations headquarters, a sinister, hemispherical piston apparition, with ghoulish human facial features, named Pabbooola, who was threatening to kidnap Fred The Wrench, with the intentions of forcing Fred to serve as a captive slave/crew chief for the darkside of the drag racing afterlife... "You know," said Maria, "whaddaya say I brew a fresh pot of celestial tea, and we sit down in the kitchen and take a much needed and deserved break?"... "Sounds good to me," blurted Fred The Wrench, "but ya think maybe..."... Maria interrupts Fred and finishes his sentence for him, "but ya think maybe you can brew a coffee for me?"... "How'd ya guess??" Fred asked... "Cause that's what you ALWAYS say!" replied Maria... "Uh, yeah, I guess I do." muttered Fred... Our crew walked from the shop into the kitchen, where everyone took a seat at the kitchen table, except Maria, who stepped over to the counter and started making tea for the gang, and of course a coffee for Fred...

 

"So what's next on the itinerary, boss??" squawks Peter The Parrot to leader Larry Lamb... "The Heavenly Drag Racing Association's top brass assigned us to compete at a match race event on a newly discovered astro-plane and parallel universe, a metaphysical drag strip facility located somewhere near the galaxy GN-z11." replies Larry... "Hmm, I assume the drag racing afterlife's darkside team already have a stronghold on the racing over there??" inquires Sebastian... "Yes, they reportedly do, Sebastian." says Larry, "And I'm told they're cheating every possible way they can."... "So we gots to go teach 'em a lesson!!" says Fred as he bangs his greasy fist on the kitchen table... "It might not be easy." Larry says "You see, they have their covert insiders working within the track's administration. It's a complicated web of interstellar drag racing corruption."... "What sort of class of racing are we supposed to compete in?" questions Maria as she stands at the counter brewing tea and coffee... "Top Fuel." replies Larry, "Rear engine cars that are blistering fast and race on an extremely narrow two mile course."... "Two miles?!? On a narrow course?!?!" blurts Fred, "I'm gonna have to re-engineer one of our dragster's fuel systems to handle that extended length-- darn it-- I'm gonna have to practically rework an entire car to run a two mile stretch!!" ... "Well, you better get busy soon, Fred." says Larry, "The event is tomorrow night."... "WHAAAAT?!?!" exclaims Fred, "THAT AIN'T ENOUGH TIME!!!"... "It's going to have to be, dear chum." replies Larry, "The H.D.R.A. insists we be there."... Maria comes over to the table and pours a cup of black coffee for Fred, and her special recipe celestial tea for the rest... Fred abruptly gets up from the table and says "I AINT'S GOT TIME FOR SITTIN' BACK AND SHOOTIN' DA BREEZE WIT YOU FOLKS, I GOTS TO GET BUSY MODIFYING A DIGGER FOR TOMORROW NIGHT'S MATCH RACE!!!"... Fred briskly waddles over to the adjoining shop... "But, Fred...." says Maria, "Your coffee, don't you want your coffee?!?"... "I AINT'S GOT TIME FOR COFFEE, WOMAN!!! shouts Fred with determination in his voice, "I GOTS A DRAG RACE TO GETS READY FOR!!!!"...

 

Peter The Parrot and Sebastian also excuse themselves from the table, grabbing their tea, and walk to the shop to help Fred prepare a dragster for the tomorrow night's race... Maria, still sitting at the kitchen table with Larry, says, "I'm going to bring Fred his coffee in the shop. He's going to need it."... "That's kind of you, dear." says Larry Lamb as he dunks a Lorna Doone cookie into his tea, "I better head to my office and get to work on the logistics of tomorrow's event."... Seconds later, as Maria walks into the shop with Fred's coffee, she sees Fred, Sebastian and Peter frantically dissembling a dragster, in order to modify it to handle a two-mile drag strip course... "I GOT YOUR COFFEE, FRED!" Maria shouts, to be heard over the power tools, and Fred's 8-track player loudly blaring out his favorite Hank Williams tape...  "UH, JUST PUT IT ON MY WORKBENCH, MARIA!" Fred replies... "OH, MARIA?" shouts Sebastian from underneath the dragster's propped-up undercarriage "CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME MY SOCKET WRENCH SET FROM THE CABINET??"... Using the power of telekinesis, Maria makes the socket wrenches move from the cabinet to softly land right next to Sebastian's shoulders on the shop floor... "WE HAVE TO EXTEND THE FRAME RAILS ON THIS DIGGER TO HOLD EIGHT ENGINES!!" blurts Fred... "EIGHT ENGINES?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "YEAH, BUB!" says Fred, "AN ENGINE FOR EACH 1/4 MILE OF THE TWO MILE STRIP!!"... "THAT'S QUITE AN AMBITIOUS STRATEGY!!" shouts Sebastian from underneath the dragster... Then Larry Lamb comes trotting into the shop, holding a piece of paper in his hoof, "ATTENTION, PLEASE, ATTENTION-- I JUST SPOKE WITH THE BRASS FROM THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION-- THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE IN WHAT WE ORIGINALLY THOUGHT WAS THE LENGTH OF THE DRAG STRIP."... "OH, GOOD!" says Fred, "SO IT AINT'S TWO MILES LONG??"... "UH, NO" replies Larry as he hesitates a second or two, "IT'S NOT TWO MILES LONG.".... "GREAT!!" squawks Peter The Parrot.... "UH, I'M AFRAID IT'S ACTUALLY 2000 MILES LONG!!" says Larry Lamb with visible weariness on his face as he rolls his eyes in his woolly head... "WHHHAAAAAAT?!?!?!" shouts Fred The Wrench with amplified frustration in his voice "2000 MILES LONG?!?!?!? GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!! YOU GOTS TO BE KIDDING, BOSS?!?!?!?"

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... We're afraid that leader Larry Lamb isn't kidding at all!!... Just when Fred The Wrench and the crew thought readying a dragster for competition on a two-mile drag strip would be a strenuous chore, Larry Lamb advises the crew that the length of the drag strip is actually 2000 MILES LONG!!!!... So now they're scheduled for a Top Fuel match race tomorrow night, at a strip in a faraway galaxy, where the course is extremely narrow and TWO THOUSAND MILES long!!! Fred and the gang are going to have to drastically modify one of their dragsters to withstand those even more extreme racing conditions!!! Can our crew successfully handle the task in such a short span of time?!?!?...  Will the team be able to go rounds and show the darkside corrupted race scene that do-gooders who play fair and square can triumph over evil?!?!?!... WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND'S ONGOING EDUCATIONAL & ENLIGHTENMENT SERIES...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today is an installment from Drag Racing Underground's critically acclaimed, ongoing educational and enlightenment series, designed to teach the public about the many facets and occasional subtle nuances that make up the sport of drag racing. It's no secret that weather plays a significant role in the execution of many different sports, however, arguably, not nearly as much as it does in the running of a drag race. Weather conditions are a huge factor in the way crew chiefs tune their team's cars for a drag race. With the below photographic image and accompanying words, we try to express that fact in a way that can be relatively easily understood by the mainstream population. We believe that the more the general public can understand what this drag racing stuff is about, the more chance there is that they'll be able to come around to actually appreciating it... I suggest showing this to someone you know who isn't very familiar with drag racing, and maybe then they'll subsequently show an interest and desire to want to take a trip to the drags...

 

 


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